What would persuade you? re: meds
fellesferie
member
DS (8) was diagnosed with ADHD. Today. I feel good about it--the psychologist is both a child/teen psych and a neuropsych. The assessments were thorough, and the doc's rationale feels sound. The dx didn't come as a surprise.
The doc will forward his report to DS's pediatrician who will talk with us about specific medication information. But the psychologist very clearly is recommending it. He says he is not an automatic medication guy, but if this was his kid he would medicate. I understand why and agree. We're also going to try therapy and some homeopathic ideas recommended by the doctor.
I'm drafting an email to explain everything to XH. XH knows that DS was struggling in school last year, and he knows we were taking him to see a psychologist. But I have no idea how he's going to feel about medicating DS.
So what would you want to hear? Would you want to hear about all the assessments and scoring? Would you want to hear about the pros and cons of meds? Would you want to hear about the costs of meds?
I'm just not sure. We have joint legal, so XH does have a say. I think he probably won't argue, but I can see how it would be hard to put your child on personality altering drugs when you don't actually see the problem. And since XH does not parent during school time, he doesn't have a chance to see the problem.
Re: What would persuade you? re: meds
I would want all of this info. Plus I would want to know what the treatment plan is for the next 6 months, year, 2 years... How frequently will DS be evaluated to see if the medication needs tweaked? What are the homeopathic ideas that were discussed? But again, I'm Type A and I want/need to know all of the info so that I can process it and make a plan. Your XH may be totally fine with just bare minimum info (like my DH is) and the extra stuff just clutters the issue.
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Yep, all of the above. Although I'm against medicating kids so no amount of info would convince me to do it. What homeopathic treatments were brought up?
I'm a reasonable person and I'd probably ask all of those questions if I was on the receiving end. Any smart and involved parent would want to know.
It really depends on your ex. The more information I give XH, the more complicated and difficult it tends to be.
So I vote for only the facts, and keep them informative and brief. Include medical documentation and your positive, honest opinion about how good you feel about the diagnosis and the treatment.
Less is more. But not too much less.
Thanks for the extra suggestions. We covered future plans in the appointment today, so I can definitely address all of that.
The only thing he addressed specifically so far is fish oil. It came up near the end of the appointment. He's going to write me a full report that includes his methods and findings as well as a full list of homeopathic options (and other recommendations).
I wouldn't consider myself either for or against medicating kids. But the current situation is not sustainable.
I do not have a child dx'd with ADHD - so I will go ahead and say that I am against medication, but I am free to talk the talk because I don't walk the walk.
But to answer your questions about what would convince me - I would want the doctor's info on the medication suggested - when he should take it (only at school - only weekdays - all the time) the affects of the medication and I would want some concrete info about how this has turned his grades. I would also want to know if there is a plan in place to get him off meds and more behavioral modification therapies.
The truth for me would be his school. If my child was struggling at school and it was all because of the ADHD and the medication can truly help him in school where tutoring and other outlets haven't helped - that would convince me! School is his future and my belief in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) should not cause my child to struggle in school and possibly lessen the avenues available to him in the future.
Money wouldn't matter to me - and from what you have said about your Ex in the past, I am led to believe money wouldn't be the leading factor for him either.
School is the issue for me. DS was almost retained last year. It took a Defcon-3-esque rallying of the troops to get him through the year.
We realized that when we worked with him one-on-one and eliminated all the distractions, he had no problem. But that required near daily communication with both his teacher and a reading interventionist. It also required hours and hours of extra work--both for me and for him.
He excelled (above grade level performance, in fact). But we just can't keep doing that. He missed taekwondo. He missed kid time. DD didn't get the time and attention she needs because we were so focused on DS.
So we are going to try therapy, changing some of our parenting techniques, and some medication.
A year ago I would have said I would have said that medication would be a last resort. But right now I just can't rationalize ignoring something everyone thinks will help my child.
Make sure you tell the bold to XH. Are you getting him a tutor as well? Maybe that will help?
Before my son was diagnosed ADHD (as well as Asperger's Syndrome a part of the Autism Spectrum) I was extremely against medication for children and thought it was really permissive parenting.
When my son was diagnosed first with ADHD, part of the surveys and testing it came out that my sone in third grade wished to die because he knew he was a disappointment to me and his teachers. After discovering that how could I deny my son a tool, and medication is a tool, to help him be the best him he could be.
The medications now are not like the ones that came out in the 80's and 90's. My son isn't a a zombie and he doesn't need to maintain them all the time. My son is on Adderall XR. It's an extended release so it lasts all school day. He only takes it for school or when it's imperitive that he is able to maintain focus some boy scout camping trips and merit badge activies.
The results were immediate. His first day of school on medication, he came home saying it was the BEST day. Not only did his teachers notice, his classmates noticed.
I understand that it's not a permantent or long time solution. Since he also deals with Autism there are other behaviors we work to help him cope or blend with our mainstream world.
For me it was knowing my son knew he was different couldn't control it and it was creating a depression in a third grader that convinced me.
Also I've seen studies that have said untreated ADHD children more often abuse drugs.
https://archives.drugabuse.gov/NIDA_Notes/NNVol14N4/ADHD.html
You may want to check out the special needs board and page Auntie. She also has a son with ADHD and can tell you why she decided medication was the best route for her son and which doctor should be prescribing and monitoring it.
Tutoring does help, and he's had a reading tutor on and off. I'm kind of making up a mental list of questions to ask the doctor next time we see him, and one of those questions is about tutoring. I'd like to know if he has anything he recommends.
This summer DH and I have worked with him on every 3rd grade math concept introduced in the first 9 weeks of school. He has done great. He's reading on grade level. His principal claims his writing is below grade level but it's on par with what I've personally seen from other kids. So right this minute he's a combination of ahead and where he needs to be.
Personally, if I were you I would provide the report and the provider's info. They would be able to address any questions better than you. I would direct him to them for any further questions. That is exactly what I did for DD when she was diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's. I am a little surprised that your neuropsych didn't already have the report available to you at the results consultations. Mine did and it was 8 pages long and went into great detail. Far better than I would be able to explain and also listed all the recommendations. DD is on Focalin XR and only takes it for school. Medication for her was a must, it turned her from a C/B student to mostly A student. Also remember not every medication works for every child. DD went through 2 before finding one. Oldest SS takes Methylin ER, this is his 3rd medication and he's on a pretty high dose now. We still not certain this medication is working well for him but his medication is managed by a pedi. DD's is managed by a psychiatrist and she has required visits every 3 months.
Alot of people that don't have kids with ADHD will say that they wouldn't medicate their kid but to not give a child with a disability like ADHD the tools they need to succeed is no different than denying a kid a wheelchair if necessary. I still remember the wording from DD's report where it mentions after distractors were introduced that DD was "severely impaired."
Thank you all for the suggestions and advice!
I've emailed XH and explained everything as briefly & factually as possible. I included the provider names and phone numbers should he wish to get in touch with them directly.
We'll see how it goes. I guess we're lucky in that if XH really disagrees, he won't have to medicate DS on his days.
My eldest is autistic and the school has tried to slap just ADHD as a label on him. Only he is only hyper due to over stimulation. I work with a behavioral specialist, a sensory therapist, and a counselor. It had helped some. Then I took him off most processed foods. I will not lie, we still have some and it was a very hard transition for the family. But the change has led to less meltdowns in a day. I have a friend who has an ADHD child that it has made an impact as well. The key is to have none of the dye (and other items depending on how far you take it). Even a little red dye will effect him. I know I can tell.
I just thought I would pass that
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