Talk to me about adding a 2nd kid — The Bump
Parenting

Talk to me about adding a 2nd kid

I have baby fever. Before we had our first, DH and I talked about a three year age difference. I really, really, want another and after talking about it, we decided to start trying now. I'm very excited, but also a bit nervous because I feel like we just got this whole "don't inadvertently kill the baby" thing down, and adding another will make our lives nuts.

So tell me about what it was like adding a second. Crazy? Easy? For those on a mobile. My DD is 18 months and if TTC this one is anything like TTC her, she'll be 26 months when a new one arrives.

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Re: Talk to me about adding a 2nd kid

  • Really? 32 views and no comments? Does adding a second suck that bad?

    (Sarcasm font) 

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  • You waited a whole 13 minutes before bitching that nobody responded?  Do you honestly expect answers the second you post a question?
    10/10: Married; 5/11: Dx: Blocked Fallopian Tube; 7/11: D&C/Hysteroscopy to remove polyp
    IVF #1: 9/11: ER: 12R, 11M, 10F, No Frosties; 5dt: 2 blasts, 1 morula; DD born 6/3/12
    IVF #2: 11/12-12/12: ER: 20R, 20M, 16F, 4 Frosties; 5dt: 3 blasts, DS born 8/9/13
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  • DD is 26 months, DS is 2 weeks. So far it is crazy. I am sure once DS and I have a better routine or schedule, things will get easier.
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  • image nawlinsgrl:
    You waited a whole 13 minutes before bitching that nobody responded?  Do you honestly expect answers the second you post a question?

    I was kidding, hence the sarcasm font. It's late. I'm bored. I've looked at all the new BuzzFeed links. Sh^t happens. 

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  • I read the thread and I don't have a kid. I think you should do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  • Oh fvuck. I just realized I do have a kid. Damnit.




    But just 1.
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  • image mbenit4:
    Adding a 2nd was much easier than I thought. I would not do anything near 2U2 or close to it. Just me.

    Same but my kids have the same 4 year age difference, with that big of a gap it's np, the older one if more independent and helpful. My mom had 3u3, I don't know how she did it.  

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  • Dor me adding a second wasn't too bad. I have a huge support system. MIL loves taking Rosie a lot, my Mom does baby sitting and playdates, and DH works from home. So those first few weeks I got the time to heal and bond with Cade. It was very nice. Rosie still has jealousy issues and whines more often, but she loves her Cade.
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  • I only have one and he's still very young, but I would like to hopefully start ttc my 2nd when DS is around your LO's age.

    I say, as long as you and your DH agreed on it, go for it! I'm sure you'll do just fine!
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  • I got pregnant with DD2 when DD1 was 14 months. Having DD2 has been a breeze. It was much easier for us to go from 1 to 2 kids than from 0 to 1, but a lot of that had to do with my first delivery and recovery, which very traumatic. Also, DD2 is an easy, very happy baby and I feel like I've gotten to enjoy her baby-ness more since I wasn't such as wreck after her delivery.

    We're starting to get a little jealousy from DD1 now, but it's really not too bad and totally expected for her age. They're so ridiculously cute together though, and I love that they're going to be close in age and will be able to play together soon. I wouldn't do a thing differently. 


  • The first few weeks were so hard. Ds who is two and a half had major sleep regression. Was sleeping 12 hours a night straight since 6 months and he started waking 5 to 8 times a night no joke!! So I ebf and between the 3 to 4 times a night I was waking to feed, ds was up. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep a night for almost 3 weeks. Just be prepared for the first month to be hat. Ds looooves dd so much and things are so much better now that ds is sleeping again. So worth it but glad that parts over ha ha. I'd say 2 to 3 years is a great age difference and just let your kid help with baby as much as possible. Plus explain what things baby will do before baby comes



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  • I've got a three week old, and one that will be two in less than a month, and it's fun! Dd has adjusted well to her baby brother, and DS is such a good baby that it definitely made the transition to two much easier than expected! It'll get more fun once DS can interact and play with his sister more, but it's nice to have a little distraction for dd.
  • Like PPs have said, it was very challenging for a while but now it's very rewarding


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  • My kids are three years and one week apart. I like the age separation. DS started preschool when DD was six months old and he'll be starting kinder this fall when DD is 2.5, so I feel like I get to have more of that one on one time with DD.

    For me, adding DC2 was easier than I thought. DS was a helper type and DD was fairly mellow. Things got much more stressful when DD learned to crawl and touch DS's stuff...they've been bickering ever since.
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  • Going from 1-2, was easy for me.  Going to 0-1 was probably the hardest, so that was my comparison.   DD (#1) was hard as she had her days & nights mixed up, she refused to BF, I had no fvckin' clue as to what I was doing, I had a rough delivery, and I hated everyones "advice."  #2 was easy in that we coslept & he slept great by me, we BF, I didn't need anyones advice as I knew what to expect and had more confidence.  With just having a baby, I felt so isolated.  I knew no one with a baby.  With having a toddler and a baby, we had more options to get out.  And that helped a lot.  I am a firm believer in getting out every day.  I was on maternity leave Sept- Dec with the two kids and we went to the park.   We eventually met a friend there and DD would play and I had (albeit a dad) someone to talk to.  We could also do story time at the library.  DD loved when they had puppet shows.  We'd also go to the bounce house...there were just more option to break up the day.  

    Going from 2-3 (not that you asked) was also hard.  DS1 was a HARD toddler. DS2 was born in the winter (a winter full of snow), so we didn't have the ability to get out as easily....personally, i would shoot for a spring baby which is the next couple of months.... 


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  • Thanks for the replies everyone! DD was a winter baby and I agree about feeling isolated with her, which is one of the reasons I'd like a spring baby this time around. She's so far been a pretty easy going toddler, follows directions, likes to "help" and since I know what to expect with an infant, I feel like it'll be an easier transition than what we experienced with her.

    Plus, we just have this feeling that someone is missing from our family, if that makes any sense. 

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  • I found adding a 2nd harder than having 1 simply because I wasn't used to juggling needs and always felt bad making someone wait. Once I got over that, it's was easier. I do prefer the 3 years between my first two to the 1.5 between the second 2.
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  • acesupacesup member
    250 Answers 2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    DD was 2 yrs 4 months when DS was born. It was harder than one obviously but not nearly as hard as I was expecting. BUT that is mostly because DS has been an extremely easy baby. He rarely cries and is always happy and content. He started STTN at 3.5 weeks old and hasn't looked back. He has slept 8-10 hours every single night since he was about 4-5 weeks. It's insane how good this baby is. DD had reflux and was an extremely difficult / colicky baby who never slept and always screamed. So with DS I was prepared for the worst. I think the transition to two kids has been easy for us because of what a good baby he is. Also because DD adjusted amazingly and generally is a really good toddler. 

    I think it honestly totally depends on your first kid and what your second is like.  


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  • image nawlinsgrl:
    You waited a whole 13 minutes before bitching that nobody responded?  Do you honestly expect answers the second you post a question?

    I think you need a hug.

  • DD will be 3 in August, DS is just under 4 months. It's getting much easier, but it was very hard for 2 months. DD quit sleeping and became the biggest whiner and screamer I have ever seen. It was a nightmare until I became a hard a$s about sticking to her routine. She loves her brother but hated, hated, hated DH and myself for quite awhile. It was a hard transition for her.  Like pp said, it's not supposed to be easy, nothing worth having is easy. 

  • image Buddy the Elf:

    image nawlinsgrl:
    You waited a whole 13 minutes before bitching that nobody responded?  Do you honestly expect answers the second you post a question?

    I think you need a hug.


    I was thinking slap, but we'll go with hug.
  • Well, J. and A. are 18 months apart. J. was/is a high needs kid. I don't think we would have had them that close, but I was afraid that if we didn't have a second soon we never would (I'd come to my senses and realize how he!!ish the first  year of his life was). 

    Anyway, for us adding a second LO was easy-peasy. J. had no regression issues or jealousy issues. We tell people that having 2 is easier than having one.

    Hopefully we will be saying that 3 is easier than 2 come September.
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  • It's hard for the first 6 to 8 weeks when the second one doesn't have a schedule and requires round the clock care and your toddler/preschooler is also trying to command your attention at every possible second.  And by hard I mean you might end up questioning your sanity and bawling your eyes out at least once or twice and/or taking your frustrations out inappropriately by yelling, etc.  It's HARD.

    But, after that when baby starts sleeping more and your first kid starts getting used to the new little one and you can get out of the house then it's really not that difficult.  Infants are portable so you can just take the little one along and still do pretty much the same thing you've always done with the first.   

    I'm betting when DS2 becomes mobile I'll once again wonder what the heck I was thinking having a second, LOL. 


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  • image nawlinsgrl:
    You waited a whole 13 minutes before bitching that nobody responded?nbsp; Do you honestly expect answers the second you post a question?

    Calm your tits lady.

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  • I'm a total lurker here but my girls are 26 months apart so I figured I would chime in. It was hard at first and still is sometimes. DD1 watched a lot of tv the first few months since you can't exactly chase a toddler around while pumping. Like a lot of the PPs DD2 is a very easygoing baby so that makes life easier. DD1 did not act jealous of the baby until she was about 6 months. Once DD2 could sit up and started solids I think she realized that she had competition.

    The other day I asked DD1 if she remembered before the baby was born and she said yes. I asked if she liked it better with or without the baby and she said with. They play together now and it is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. Makes the first crazy months totally worth it.
    DD1 9.15.10  DD2 11.2.12
  • I like the longer gap. 2 years apart or less is bananas. ::Cues Gwen Stefani::


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