Gender Reveal Etiquette? — The Bump
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Gender Reveal Etiquette?

I'm completely new The Bump, as I don't even have baby on the brain, but I figured maybe people on this board can help me out. We have a number of friends who are expecting and doing gender reveal parties. We went to one on Mother's Day (our first one ever) that was a lot of fun, but we quickly realized that some people had brought gifts, and we didn't, which made us feel a little dumb. We're going to one in a few weeks and want to know 1) are gifts expected at these things?, 2) if so, what do you get? Our go-to present for any other party is a nice bottle of wine, which is not really going to go over well at a pregnancy related event so that's out. It feels very weird to buy a gender neutral present for a "gender partisan" party and I'm also going to baby showers for these friends, so it's not like this party will replace a shower, so IDK. Any ideas would be helpful! Thanks!  

Re: Gender Reveal Etiquette?

  • We are wine givers, too. When wine isn't appropriate I've defaulted to really nice specialty lemonade or specialty flavored sparkling water it's something they won't buy themselves and its festive and fun. I haven't had to go to any gender reveal parties, but I would say think of it as a celebration and bring something small that is fun.
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  • I don't think a gift is expected at gender reveals. If u feel uncomfortable bring flowers or a sonogram frame. Something small.
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  • THis is why I dislike specific "gender reveals".  People feel they need to take a gift.  Assuming that these people will also have a shower - NO, it is NOT a gift giving event.  You should only be "asked" to give them one gift over the entire course of their pregnancy and baby.
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    [Deleted User]jessican08
  • imageEastCoastBride:
    THis is why I dislike specific "gender reveals".  People feel they need to take a gift.  Assuming that these people will also have a shower - NO, it is NOT a gift giving event.  You should only be "asked" to give them one gift over the entire course of their pregnancy and baby.

    I totally agree with this.  Plus, I think people generally overestimate the amount of f***s other people give about the genitals of their babies. 

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  • I had a gender reveal party, and it was actually a lot of fun! I know most people hate them, but it was just my parents, IL's, and siblings. We got to sit around and talk, played a little guessing game, and cut the cake. :) My mom did bring me a gift, but she was the only one. She said she had already purchased the item and thought it'd be a good time to give it to us. Reveal parties aren't supposed to be a gift giving events, but a time for close family to share a moment. :) They are defiantly not for everyone, and I do give a little side-eye to people who invite everyone they know to these things. But, a small gathering with cake and something to announce was fun for us!
     
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  • imageJoy2611:

    I'm a little floored that you have been invited to so many of these attention whore-y parties.  I'm sorry.

    No, I wouldn't bring gift, ESPECIALLY if they are having a shower.  I don't need to celebrate every milestone in the course of a pregnancy.  Good god.

    *Applause* I totally agree.

    In my opinion, gender reveal parties are such a new thing, there's really no established etiquette for them. I think they're ridiculous.

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  • imageELauren88:
    I had a gender reveal party, and it was actually a lot of fun! I know most people hate them, but it was just my parents, IL's, and siblings.
    I don't judge this.  CLOSE family probably does truly care and are excited. 

    And it's not that other people won't be excited - but most people really do not need to be invited to a party based purely on the revealing of what parts your baby has.  Especially if you're going to be having a shower that will include the same people you're inviting to the reveal.  (If a reveal is done at an already planned shower - have at it!  It's just the seperate party aspect of it that's obnoxious)

    As a PP said - every milestone of your pregnancy doesn't need to be celebrated w/ a party. 

    Again- IMMEDIATE/ CLOSE family is one thing.  Anything past that- is starts to become AWish and judge-worthy.

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  • I dont think they should expected a gift at a gender reveal party.
  • I'm in the minority, but i like gender reveal parties even though I didn't have one myself. I typically buy two little outfits, give the gender appropriate one, and return the other. Totally not necessary though.
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  • Gender reveals aren't gift giving events.
    [Deleted User]
  • imageEastCoastBride:

    imageELauren88:
    I had a gender reveal party, and it was actually a lot of fun! I know most people hate them, but it was just my parents, IL's, and siblings.
    I don't judge this.  CLOSE family probably does truly care and are excited. 

    And it's not that other people won't be excited - but most people really do not need to be invited to a party based purely on the revealing of what parts your baby has.  Especially if you're going to be having a shower that will include the same people you're inviting to the reveal.  (If a reveal is done at an already planned shower - have at it!  It's just the seperate party aspect of it that's obnoxious)

    As a PP said - every milestone of your pregnancy doesn't need to be celebrated w/ a party. 

    Again- IMMEDIATE/ CLOSE family is one thing.  Anything past that- is starts to become AWish and judge-worthy.


    Agree 100000000 percent.




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  • imageEastCoastBride:

    imageELauren88:
    I had a gender reveal party, and it was actually a lot of fun! I know most people hate them, but it was just my parents, IL's, and siblings.
    I don't judge this.  CLOSE family probably does truly care and are excited. 

    And it's not that other people won't be excited - but most people really do not need to be invited to a party based purely on the revealing of what parts your baby has.  Especially if you're going to be having a shower that will include the same people you're inviting to the reveal.  (If a reveal is done at an already planned shower - have at it!  It's just the seperate party aspect of it that's obnoxious)

    As a PP said - every milestone of your pregnancy doesn't need to be celebrated w/ a party. 

    Again- IMMEDIATE/ CLOSE family is one thing.  Anything past that- is starts to become AWish and judge-worthy.

    I agree 100 percent. I know my pregnancy is not *nearly* as exciting to my friends (especially ones w/o kids) as it is to me. Ha! 

     
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  • If it's JUST a party to reveal the gender AND they're going to have a separate baby shower, I personally wouldn't bring a gift.  Since this is our first kid, we want to reveal the gender AT the shower and just do it all in one.  Plus, if they EXPECTED you to bring a gift, maybe they should have listed some places they are registered at on the invitation or something.
  • Thanks! Like I said, the one we went to before was a good time and it's our close group of friends, so any reason to hang out and celebrate is fine by me! We're the kind of people who would have a party because it's Thursday, so GR parties aren't AW to me. I know they don't expect a gift, but I was wondering if guests would side-eye us for not giving something. But it sounds like we're in the clear!  

  • I've never been to one. However, I don't like showing up without a gift. I would bring a $10 frame or photo album. I don't think it is required for all the reasons mention. But I still would as opposed to wine. 
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  • Gender reveals are annoying. And I refuse to bring a gift if I'm giving them a gift later at a shower.
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  • imageJoy2611:

    imagecambosoup:
    Plus, if they EXPECTED you to bring a gift, maybe they should have listed some places they are registered at on the invitation or something.

    No, no.  You don't EVER throw gift-giving events for yourself.  You certainly don't print up invitations for a completely non-event and slap a registry on there so you can guilt your friends into buying even more presents for you.  Never ever.

     

    Agreed.  I'm just saying, if it was expected then it should've been clarified on the invitations by whomever is throwing it.  Having two separate parties/celebrations and wanting gifts at both is just plain tacky.

  • Off topic, but my pet peeve is when people call them Gender Reveal Parties. It's a Sex Reveal Party. Sex is between the legs, gender is between the ears. You can't tell gender from an ultrasound. 

     

    End rant.  

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  • I usually buy the smallest pack of diapers and put it in a gift bag.  When I get to the party I check out if others are bringing presents in and if they're not I leave it in the car.

    For showers, I usually get an outfit and a pack of diapers, so if they have a GR party I give them diapers and at the shower they will just get an outfit.  Basically I spend the same amount on them either way. 

  • I am planning on having a gender reveal for this pregnancy - we did not do this for my first child but as we got most items (besides clothing) in gender neutral patterns and colors we do not need many things for this baby besides clothing as we wanted at least 2 children.  I know people will still buy us gifts but I cannot justify having a family member or friend spend the money on a shower when we really DO NOT NEED it.  I have told my family this much and they have agreed to this.  We do want to have a party celebrating this baby though.  In part because we have tons of pictures of my daughter's shower so I feel that I want this child to know their impending birth was celebrated.  We are not asking for or expecting gifts (though I expect some people will be giving us gifts.)  The party is also another way we are going to be able to include my daughter in the change that is about to happen to the family.  We are even planning on giving gifts to the grandparents (framed ultrasound pictures in blue or pink) at the party.  It bothers me that people assume that this is a party we are going to have just to get gifts.  If my family or friends (we are basically inviting anyone that we would ask to have invited to a co-ed shower if we would have chosen to have one) do not want to come they do not have to.  The invitations will have some line about no gifts please on it.  
  • SparkySharkySparkySharky member
    edited August 2013

    Thanks! Like I said, the one we went to before was a good time and it's our close group of friends, so any reason to hang out and celebrate is fine by me! We're the kind of people who would have a party because it's Thursday, so GR parties aren't AW to me. I know they don't expect a gift, but I was wondering if guests would side-eye us for not giving something. But it sounds like we're in the clear!  

    You're so in the clear. We're doing one (for 2nd baby) b/c it's an excuse to celebrate a new baby *w/o the gift obligation.* But the only reason it even came up was b/c we have a baker friend who was excited about the idea and offered to make a cake. A GR party is sort of new, and we're the first of our friends to have kids, so it's novel in that regard, too. If only I could drink a beer with all of them...

    But there's no expectation of presents and if there was a way to confront the elephant in the room, we would. Presents are never an obligation. They're something you give if you feel so moved. Fortunately for me - I always feel so moved, so not a lot of inner conflict.

  • @Neverblushed

    Um, this is awkward because we just met, but I think I love you.  I mean, I kind of want to crawl through the screen and hump your leg like a Chihuahua.   You hit on just about every pet peeve I have with Gender Reveal parties and explained why they are stupid in such a way that makes me feel warm inside.  

    Bravo, Bravo. 
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    He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be.  He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.  
  • BallSox said:
    @Neverblushed

    Um, this is awkward because we just met, but I think I love you.  I mean, I kind of want to crawl through the screen and hump your leg like a Chihuahua.   You hit on just about every pet peeve I have with Gender Reveal parties and explained why they are stupid in such a way that makes me feel warm inside.  

    Bravo, Bravo. 
    My leg is all yours for the humping.
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  • So, you can just bring a host gift like you would to any party. Wine is obviously a usual gift for that, but for people who don't drink, you can bring a food item, specialty item, scented candle, plant or a bunch of flowers, too. IMO, it's like hosting a dinner party or something. I'd bring one of those items, but it's minor, so it's not REALLY a gift, IMO. Just a little, "hey, thanks for inviting me" thing. But you don't have to!
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    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Little Man (4 years old---holy cow)
    He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be.  He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.  
  • @BallSox

    OMG -- I'm dying.  My kids are sitting next to me asking me what's so funny.  I want to share your .gif with my middle school DD, but I don't want the 9 y/o getting any ideas.  And he would get ideas. Like all 9 y/o boys, he's a perv.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • Mission accomplished.  DD and I are enjoying a good laugh about the humping dog, and DS is ensconced in his Mario game.  You've made my weekend.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • I'm glad I could help. :-P 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Little Man (4 years old---holy cow)
    He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be.  He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.  
  • I am planning on having a gender reveal for this pregnancy - we did not do this for my first child but as we got most items (besides clothing) in gender neutral patterns and colors we do not need many things for this baby besides clothing as we wanted at least 2 children.  I know people will still buy us gifts but I cannot justify having a family member or friend spend the money on a shower when we really DO NOT NEED it.  I have told my family this much and they have agreed to this.  We do want to have a party celebrating this baby though.  In part because we have tons of pictures of my daughter's shower so I feel that I want this child to know their impending birth was celebrated.  We are not asking for or expecting gifts (though I expect some people will be giving us gifts.)  The party is also another way we are going to be able to include my daughter in the change that is about to happen to the family.  We are even planning on giving gifts to the grandparents (framed ultrasound pictures in blue or pink) at the party.  It bothers me that people assume that this is a party we are going to have just to get gifts.  If my family or friends (we are basically inviting anyone that we would ask to have invited to a co-ed shower if we would have chosen to have one) do not want to come they do not have to.  The invitations will have some line about no gifts please on it.  

    Is it not enough that their births are celebrated every year, on their birthday?
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