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Mom rant

RK125RK125 member
in Baby Showers

So my MIL suggested that I have 2 showers. It would save people commuting across the state (my family lives on opposite sides of the state) and I wouldn't be overwhelmed and wiped out from a HUGE shower (60+ people).

i thought this was a great idea. I told my sister who was hosting shower #1 and she had no problems with it. I talked to my mom about it and she went nuts. She didn't speak to me for 2 weeks! My sister finally convinced her that it was a good idea and she begrudgingly went along with it.  

Fast forward to this past Sunday.  My mom called to tell me what time to be at the shower site. Then said she was sorry to hear MIL wouldn't be able to make it. (She really wasn't because she had previously said she didn't understand why MIL should be invited when she was having her own shower.) 

So my mom barely spoke to me at the shower and spent more time talking with her relatives than paying attention to anything that was baby related. 

She is constantly saying that she won't get to know her granddaughter because we live 2 hours away.

My other shower is in about a month and I kind of don't want her to come. I'm really tired of her attitude about my pregnancy, my IL, and DD. 

 Sorry for the dear diary post. I just needed to get it out. 

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Re: Mom rant

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    BlondieBia21BlondieBia21 member
    Do the IL's live closer to you then your parents? If so, your mom just may feel like MIL is going to be with your baby more than her. She may feel like your daughter is going to know MIL more than her, and that upsets her. (Not knowing her, I could be just giving her the benefit of the doubt.) She may have felt like MIL didn't want to come to their shower and that her intention is to outdo her party, even though that's not the case. I'd say try to just talk to your mom and tell her how important she will be to your child. Sorry you are going through this, you don't need any negativity so just try to remain positive! 
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    RK125RK125 member

    imageBlondieBia21:
    Do the IL's live closer to you then your parents? If so, your mom just may feel like MIL is going to be with your baby more than her. She may feel like your daughter is going to know MIL more than her, and that upsets her. (Not knowing her, I could be just giving her the benefit of the doubt.) She may have felt like MIL didn't want to come to their shower and that her intention is to outdo her party, even though that's not the case. I'd say try to just talk to your mom and tell her how important she will be to your child. Sorry you are going through this, you don't need any negativity so just try to remain positive! 

    My ILs do live closer to us. This has been an issue for her since we got married. At our wedding, she told my MIL to take good care of her daughter.

    I've tried talking to her, but she really doesn't want to hear what I have to say. Part of me knows it's jealously but I feel like she's so full of negativity that I don't want her around. And I hate that because we had such a great relationship while I was growing up. 

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    BlondieBia21BlondieBia21 member
    imageRK125:

    imageBlondieBia21:
    Do the IL's live closer to you then your parents? If so, your mom just may feel like MIL is going to be with your baby more than her. She may feel like your daughter is going to know MIL more than her, and that upsets her. (Not knowing her, I could be just giving her the benefit of the doubt.) She may have felt like MIL didn't want to come to their shower and that her intention is to outdo her party, even though that's not the case. I'd say try to just talk to your mom and tell her how important she will be to your child. Sorry you are going through this, you don't need any negativity so just try to remain positive! 

    My ILs do live closer to us. This has been an issue for her since we got married. At our wedding, she told my MIL to take good care of her daughter.

    I've tried talking to her, but she really doesn't want to hear what I have to say. Part of me knows it's jealously but I feel like she's so full of negativity that I don't want her around. And I hate that because we had such a great relationship while I was growing up. 

    Unfortunately then, I think that it's up to her to get over her issues. I am hoping that she will realize how important ANY time with her grand baby will be. I say let her have her space and behave immaturely and at this point you just have to hope that she gets over it. Someone else may have better advice than me, but that'd be how I was feeling in the situation. I hope that things get better for you!

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    Texasmomma13Texasmomma13 member
    Sorry your shower was such a bummer. I would still invite her to the second shower that way she can't claim that you left her out.
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    RK125RK125 member

    imagelisarene77:
    Sorry your shower was such a bummer. I would still invite her to the second shower that way she can't claim that you left her out.

    She is. I'm just hoping she'll be on her best behavior a this one.

     

    Thanks for all your insights ladies! I really appreciate it! 

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    rachelstaufrachelstauf member
    Sorry to hear about your mom being so frustrating! I ended up not inviting my mom to my shower for my dad's side of the family. She just never says anything nice about them and they've been divorced for longer than they were married at this point. I've been much less stressed since I made that decision!
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    RK125RK125 member

    imagechattychiqa:
    Sounds like mom is jealous and worried MIL will have a closer relationship with your baby. I'm sorry. Just know you're not alone. My mom is acting the same way because I'm actually really close to MIL who is awesome in every sense, and my relationship with my mom is strained at best. Big hugs to you. ETA: something you said about your mom and you having a good relationship when you were growing up resonated. By chance does she have issues with codependency? I ask because mine definitely does. She was a FABULOUS mommy, but when I became an adult, not so much. The only one of us 5 kids who have a really good relationship with her is the one who calls her 20 times a day and acts like she can't make an independent decision. I am willing to bet that's at play.

    Chatty, I think you may have nailed it. She was a great mommy, but when I started to spread my wings she became more like she is now.  

    Im the oldest of 4 and she doesn't have any empty nest yet, but she acts like it.  

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