Two Under 2
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Anyone dealing with unhappy grandparents?
cla40749
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in Two Under 2
This pregnancy is a total surprise. Money is tight to say the least, and I've been high risk both previous pregnancies. When I had DD2, my mom was pushing up until they wheeled me back for the c/s for me to go ahead and get my tubes tied. I wasn't ready to make that decision tho I wasn't sure I wanted more kids either. So fast forward two years and we have our surprise BFP. We haven't told our parents yet mainly bc of the way my parents will react. I'm thinking about putting DD2 in a shirt that says big sister in training for her family birthday party in July. I figure they won't make a fuss and ruin the party, so it's my best bet!
Anyone else dealing with a unsupportive family member? Any tips?
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Re: Anyone dealing with unhappy grandparents?
Me, me! DS1 was a surprise before our wedding, so obviously the family wasn't too thrilled about that. DS2 was planned, but because we wanted 2u2, we conceived while we were in our last semester of school, before we had careers and healthcare. Everyone freaked about us being irresponsible. LO3 I hadn't told anyone until two days ago, when my mother called me and basically said, "I know you're hiding something from me and it hurts me that you would do that." Well, it wouldn't be because this pregnancy is complicated and may not work out and I'm not sure I want everyone knowing about my (potential) losses, but fine, I guess your feelings are more important.
To some people it's just all about them. I'm learning the hard way that everyone thinks your family planning choices are public domain for criticism, but they aren't! Your parents (and ILs) got to make their own family planning choices when they were having their kids, and maybe they were different from yours, but they need to respect that it's your turn to choose now, regardless of if they will worry about you/get hurt by your decisions! I know it's hard because everything seems so uncertain (trust me - my lab results are still all inconclusive about my current pregnancy and whether everything's going to be okay, so I know what feeling unsure is like!), but trust in yourself and your abilities and be confident. It will make you feel better, even if it's not really better. Or at least that is working for me.
My mom's reaction was "Oh no." It made me cry.
The dumbest thing is that we are not struggling financially, and my mom is always telling me that I'm doing a good job as a mother.
I surmise that she said "oh no" because she always saw us as a burden, and she thinks that I'm going to regret having 3 kids close together.
It really hurt me and angered me, but now I'm like "whatever."
I get that they feel the need to have their opinions, I really do! I'm opinionated too. Why do they feel the need to impose their opinions on us, though! It's too late to change it, couldn't you just keep your misgivings to yourself and infuse confidence into us pregnant women who desperately need it?
Selfish 'yatches. I wish everyone luck!!
Honestly, I think it has very little to do with your parenting or finances. Like PP said, most of the undesirable reactions we have (and there were plenty) are from 1) people who never did it and know they could never handle it, or 2) people who did it and hated it. This is regardless of our personal circumstances.
If someone was going to be happy for you, I think they would find a way to do so even in the worst circumstances. It's a reflection on their choices/priorities in life, not yours. Try not to let it bother you too much. I'm certain they will be head over heels for LO once they arrive.
Our family is pretty supportive of our current pregnancy, but I know if we don't wait "long enough" (according to my MIL) before the next one she will start giving us a hard time. (Luckily she "approves" of the fact DS1 will be 1.5 years older than the twins. Yay. <_< )
No one--not even your mother--has a right to pressure you to get your tubes tied!! And it is definitely NOT a choice to make when you're in the midst of pregnancy/post partum hormones, anyway. Sheesh, I can't imagine. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that pressure!
Sorry, I don't really have any tips, except don't let ANYONE make you feel guilty for having another child ... you are bringing another person into their lives to love them and make their lives more joyful. That is a GIFT. I can only hope that when your LO is born and they look at his/her face they realize that his/her existence is a joy that no one would want to erase!