Snoopy Sitter WWA12D?

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · June 2013

So last night was the first time we got a sitter to put T to bed that was not family. I gave her specific instructions, what he should eat for dinner, what time, what time the bedtime routine started, and how to put him down. All of this went swimmingly.

Until we got home and I saw evidence that she gave him a bath. I specifically said he didn't need a bath, for several reasons which I didn't feel the need to share with her because it was a simple instruction. First of all, he has tubes, and still has ear infections, so he needs to have earplugs. And I have to wash his hair with a different soap to care for the curls. And what if she isn't quick enough to catch him and he goes face-first? Also, she is our neighbor, yes she is a mom but I just didn't want her giving him a bath. And most of all, our master bedroom/bathroom is a mess and I didn't want her in there. We even closed the door to our room before we left.

But she gave him a bath. I know this because his hair is flat and dry, not with his usual curls, he is pulling on his ears this morning like there was water in them, there is a towel drying on the dryer that I didn't put there (which also means she went in my linen closet, where I also keep my underwear), and his day outfit was sitting in our bathroom.

I feel so violated. What would you do?

ETA maybe I shouldn't say violated...I'm just mortified. I would never want anyone to see my house in disarray and I had to work all week and had a busy weekend last weekend, so I didn't get to the bathroom. I can live with the fact that she didn't follow directions, but I am sooo embarrassed that she saw my house out of order.

ks3pink · June 2013

She probably just thought she was helping out. Maybe he got fussy? I don't know that I'd say much except that if she ever felt she needed to do that again to please use his earplugs.

poppyseed1017 · June 2013

Honestly? You should have left specific instructions as to why you didn't want him to have a bath. She probably didn't think she was doing any harm because she didn't know. He may have gotten messy while eating, may have spit up or had a bad diaper and she felt the need to bathe him.

Going in a closet to find a towel is hardly snooping. I get that you're annoyed, but these things are a far cry from rummaging through your house and, like, trying on your clothes or something. I think saying you feel violated is a bit dramatic.

Mrs. Rohde · June 2013

I think she may have just been trying to be nice. I know that if my DS is fussy a sure way to calm him down is a bath.
If you're that upset then just don't ask her to babysit again.

Crossingfingers · June 2013

LiliDragon:
Honestly? I would assume she was trying to go above and beyond. Maybe he got really messy at dinner? I don't know...I wouldn't be upset. If it's really bothering you, just don't ask her to babysit again. That being said, a trusted babysitter is a gem [personally I don't have one outside of family] so I'd think twice before tossing her out as an option.

This. Also, I wouldn't ever leave someone in my home without it being clean. If the master bath was messy enough that you felt the need to "hide" it from the sitter, you probably should have taken care of that before you left.

WhimsyGirl14 · June 2013

I wouldn't use her again if you told her no bath and mentioned the tubes. I've watched kids for friends, and it's one thing if she did it without knowing. If they had requested I not give a bath and say the kid was covered in dirt, food, ans generally gross, I would have contacted them for direction. If I could not get ahold of them, I would have just wiped them down with a rag and let it be.

If you just said no bath and didn't mention the tubes, it's an honest mistake I think. I would approach her and ask why she did, so that you can discuss the tubes and everything. I would use that as a way to say if you mention not to do something in the future and don't communicate why, for her to ask. If you didn't mention tubes, she might have thought it was no big deal.

LittleApple · June 2013

You feel Violated because she went into the closet to get a towel and may have seen your undies? I am sure she's seen undies before.

I think you are overreacting. So she gave him a bath. I am pretty sure he is not tarnished for life. The curls will be fine and the water from his ears will drain.

Mrs. Rohde · June 2013

Also saying he "doesn't need a bath" is very different from saying "don't give him a bath".

rp-chicago-mom · June 2013

I would be upset too but agree it wasn't snooping per se. I usually say something like, "He had a bath last night and he gets such dry skin if we overdo it so please don't give him a bath." You don't need to do a bath sounds like you're doing her a favor, you know?

WhimsyGirl14 · June 2013

Mrs. Rohde:
Also saying he "doesn't need a bath" is very different from saying "don't give him a bath".

Agreed.

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · June 2013

Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
LiliDragon:
Honestly? I would assume she was trying to go above and beyond. Maybe he got really messy at dinner? I don't know...I wouldn't be upset. If it's really bothering you, just don't ask her to babysit again. That being said, a trusted babysitter is a gem [personally I don't have one outside of family] so I'd think twice before tossing her out as an option.
This. Also, I wouldn't ever leave someone in my home without it being clean. If the master bath was messy enough that you felt the need to "hide" it from the sitter, you probably should have taken care of that before you left.
I think this is absurd. My room is a mess often. It's my effing house and unless I gave you permission to be in there, stay out. I don't always have time to spit polish every room. BFD.

thanks Scout. I am SOOO embarrassed. I barely have time to keep up with my downstairs and kitchen, my bathroom doesn't get seen so it isn't at the top of my list. Maybe a flameful?

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · June 2013

Baker_Bride:
I would be upset too but agree it wasn't snooping per se. I usually say something like, "He had a bath last night and he gets such dry skin if we overdo it so please don't give him a bath." You don't need to do a bath sounds like you're doing her a favor, you know?

True. Yea I guess I could have worded it differently.

shakinros · June 2013

asales727:
Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
This. Also, I wouldn't ever leave someone in my home without it being clean. If the master bath was messy enough that you felt the need to "hide" it from the sitter, you probably should have taken care of that before you left. 

I think this is absurd. My room is a mess often. It's my effing house and unless I gave you permission to be in there, stay out.

I don't always have time to spit polish every room. BFD.
thanks Scout. I am SOOO embarrassed. I barely have time to keep up with my downstairs and kitchen, my bathroom doesn't get seen so it isn't at the top of my list. Maybe a flameful?

If this is a flameful, I'm hopping in the fire. I sometimes have time to clean only the living room and the guest bathroom before people come over. Forget about the rest of the house!

piphigirl · June 2013

LiliDragon:
Honestly? I would assume she was trying to go above and beyond. Maybe he got really messy at dinner? I don't know...I wouldn't be upset. If it's really bothering you, just don't ask her to babysit again. That being said, a trusted babysitter is a gem [personally I don't have one outside of family] so I'd think twice before tossing her out as an option.

Agree with LiliD on all counts. It's possible something happened to create messiness (spit up, serious poo, dinner mess, playing outside, whatever) or she just thought she was being extra helpful and saving you the trouble later. Or maybe she is the type who bathed the kids every single day, so it was just in her mind as part of the bedtime routine.

Every time our family watches Charlotte, they give her an evening bath. They think it is fun, and their attitude is, "Well, we'll take care of it and then you don't have to do it tomorrow!"

amaite · June 2013

When I was younger, my mom went out one night and left us with a sitter. He called his mom and she came over and started going through my mom's filing cabinets and paperwork. THAT was snooping. I agree with other posters that looking for a towel isn't snooping. And there is a difference between saying he doesn't need a bath and 'do not under any circumstances give him a bath'. There are plenty of times I may start my evening thinking ds doesn't need a bath but then something happens and I end up needing to give him one.

bigbootyjudi · June 2013

I wouldn't consider looking for a towel snooping.

If you've never left him with her before, he probably got fussy, so she thought a bath would calm him down? Or he made a mess during dinner? Had a bad bowel.movement? Threw up? I mean, if you didn't tell her about his ears and what not, you can't get mad that she didn't know. Honestly, if I was her and the baby I was watching made a mess or needed some soothing, I wouldn't think twice about giving them a bath.

Crossingfingers · June 2013

Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
LiliDragon:
Honestly? I would assume she was trying to go above and beyond. Maybe he got really messy at dinner? I don't know...I wouldn't be upset. If it's really bothering you, just don't ask her to babysit again. That being said, a trusted babysitter is a gem [personally I don't have one outside of family] so I'd think twice before tossing her out as an option.
This. Also, I wouldn't ever leave someone in my home without it being clean. If the master bath was messy enough that you felt the need to "hide" it from the sitter, you probably should have taken care of that before you left.
I think this is absurd. My room is a mess often. It's my effing house and unless I gave you permission to be in there, stay out. I don't always have time to spit polish every room. BFD.

i didn't say it neede to be spit polished. And yes, it is your "effing house" but when you invite someone into your home and trust them to watch your kid then you also should trust them in your home. If you are embarrassed about it, just clean it up. We have four kids and a dog, it isn't that damn difficult.

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · June 2013

Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
LiliDragon:
Honestly? I would assume she was trying to go above and beyond. Maybe he got really messy at dinner? I don't know...I wouldn't be upset. If it's really bothering you, just don't ask her to babysit again. That being said, a trusted babysitter is a gem [personally I don't have one outside of family] so I'd think twice before tossing her out as an option.
This. Also, I wouldn't ever leave someone in my home without it being clean. If the master bath was messy enough that you felt the need to "hide" it from the sitter, you probably should have taken care of that before you left.
I think this is absurd. My room is a mess often. It's my effing house and unless I gave you permission to be in there, stay out. I don't always have time to spit polish every room. BFD.
i didn't say it neede to be spit polished. And yes, it is your "effing house" but when you invite someone into your home and trust them to watch your kid then you also should trust them in your home. If you are embarrassed about it, just clean it up. We have four kids and a dog, it isn't that damn difficult.
This isn't a guest. She's an employee, someone hired to do a job. I think the idea that I need to have rooms of the house she has no need of going into clean for her is silly.
Sometime it is that "damn" difficult. You never have days, esp days where you're planning to go out, where you run out of time and have to just pick the stuff you get done? And leave something like the bathroom not being used until later?
Really? If so, you should write books. Because that's almost inhumane.

Joining the Scout lover party woot woot!

Crossingfingers · June 2013

Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
LiliDragon:
Honestly? I would assume she was trying to go above and beyond. Maybe he got really messy at dinner? I don't know...I wouldn't be upset. If it's really bothering you, just don't ask her to babysit again. That being said, a trusted babysitter is a gem [personally I don't have one outside of family] so I'd think twice before tossing her out as an option.
This. Also, I wouldn't ever leave someone in my home without it being clean. If the master bath was messy enough that you felt the need to "hide" it from the sitter, you probably should have taken care of that before you left.
I think this is absurd. My room is a mess often. It's my effing house and unless I gave you permission to be in there, stay out. I don't always have time to spit polish every room. BFD.
i didn't say it neede to be spit polished. And yes, it is your "effing house" but when you invite someone into your home and trust them to watch your kid then you also should trust them in your home. If you are embarrassed about it, just clean it up. We have four kids and a dog, it isn't that damn difficult.
This isn't a guest. She's an employee, someone hired to do a job. I think the idea that I need to have rooms of the house she has no need of going into clean for her is silly.
Sometime it is that "damn" difficult. You never have days, esp days where you're planning to go out, where you run out of time and have to just pick the stuff you get done? And leave something like the bathroom not being used until later?
Really? If so, you should write books. Because that's almost inhumane.

Really? The entire post was about feeling violated. Because the sitter went into a room that was a mess and looked for a towel in the same place undies were kept. Even the title says "snoopy sitter" instead of darn sitter gave kid with ear tubes a bath. If you are that embarrassed about it, why wouldn't you clean it before you left?

I never once said my house was always perfect, but when I hire a sitter, I have notice that someone will be coming to my house and will be there without my supervision. So....I make sure the house is clean.

I really don't understand how telling someone to clean their bathroom so they aren't embarrassed about it is bad idea. I was not rude, or condescending in that post. It just seems like very basic common sense to me.

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · June 2013

Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
If you are that embarrassed about it, why wouldn't you clean it before you left?

Because she had no reason to be in her bathroom in the first place, so why would OP have needed it to be in viewing condition?
Maybe she had a nutty day and didn't get around to it. Since she told the sitter not to bathe him, she probably figured that wasn't going to be a problem.

this exactly. I don't technically consider going into my linen closet to be the snooping part. It was going into my closed doors to my master bedroom and bathroom.There are 2 guest bathrooms that were in perfectly clean operating order that she could have used.

And I did have a nutty past 3 weeks after a car accident, chiropractic treatments, regular work bullish, a strange, quickly spreading rash, family drama and a near mental breakdown! You don't know my lyyyyfe! But maybe Scout does

And for the record, I'm cleaning my master bathroom now! haha

Crossingfingers · June 2013

Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
If you are that embarrassed about it, why wouldn't you clean it before you left?

Because she had no reason to be in her bathroom in the first place, so why would OP have needed it to be in viewing condition?
If someone came over and went in my room without express permission to do so, they'd find a mess right now as we are unpacking from our trip. I'd be a bit embarrassed, but they are the one on the wrong. Embarrassment =/= time to deal with it right now.
Telling someone "maybe you should clean your bathroom then" is totally condescending btw. Maybe she had a nutty day and didn't get around to it. Since she told the sitter not to bathe him, she probably figured that wasn't going to be a problem.

I am ok with agreeing to disagree on this one, because we are not going to sway each others opinion on this. I think you should all know me well enough to know that I am not a mean or snarky poster.

However- asales: Joining in on the scout love statement? That was shitty. I have never called anyone out, but that was no different than Mo high-giving bmi last week. You don't want someone telling you to clean your bathroom, don't post that it is dirty and it is embarrassing.

Mrs. Rohde · June 2013

Scout2005:
Crossingfingers:
If you are that embarrassed about it, why wouldn't you clean it before you left?

Because she had no reason to be in her bathroom in the first place, so why would OP have needed it to be in viewing condition?
If someone came over and went in my room without express permission to do so, they'd find a mess right now as we are unpacking from our trip. I'd be a bit embarrassed, but they are the one on the wrong. Embarrassment =/= time to deal with it right now.
Telling someone "maybe you should clean your bathroom then" is totally condescending btw. Maybe she had a nutty day and didn't get around to it. Since she told the sitter not to bathe him, she probably figured that wasn't going to be a problem.

I understand that she had no reason to be in there in the first place. If I went to someone's house and a door was shut I wouldn't go into it because to me a closed door = do not enter unless it's the bathroom. However, it doesn't seem like the OP specifically said not to bathe him, she said he didn't need a bath. Some people would hear "don't give him a bath" while some would hear "he doesn't need a bath". Like others said, if he had a poopsplosion or was messy after dinner, whatever and she felt that he should probably have a bath then she would have to go to the closed off bathroom to bathe him and "snoop" for a towel.

It sucks that OP was embarrassed that someone went into her messy space but I have to agree with Crossing here. If someone is invited into your house whether you're paying them or not then it should be reasonably clean or you just have to deal with being embarrassed.

My house is always a mess. Always. I barely have time to pick up the toys and do a general clean sweep of things each day. My bedroom is always off limits to guests because it's the "catch all" room when I know that people are coming last minute and I do a mad "cleaning" dash around the house. Unfortunately my layout sucks and the only way to the backyard (short of going around the front and to the side yard) is through my bedroom. Plus the master bath is there too and if the main bath is occupied and someone needs to use the facilities then they'd have to go through my room as well. At that point I cringe a bit inside, apologize for the mess and let them through. When I have sitters come, I clean as best as I can before they arrive and even though I close off my door and would expect them to not go in since they have no reason to be in there no one is going to stop them from doing so.

fastcarsandfreedom3319 · June 2013

Crossingfingers:
However- asales: Joining in on the scout love statement? That was shitty. I have never called anyone out, but that was no different than Mo high-giving bmi last week. You don't want someone telling you to clean your bathroom, don't post that it is dirty and it is embarrassing.

I am totally a fan of yours, Crossingfingers, I'm just glad that Scout saw things the way I saw them. Obviously it doesn't feel good when people disagree with me but I think I'm a pretty reasonable poster and admit when I'm wrong (see above replies re: language I should have used when instructing the sitter). I'm a puppies and rainbows kind of gal it's nothing personal against you or any of the other posters who said the same thing you said.

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