1 month ago today (long) — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

1 month ago today (long)

It's been one whole month since I lost my sweet Angel at 6w5d. It's a little easier to talk about it, and I'm just a bit more tolerant of pregnant women. It doesn't help that my best friend (who is also my brother in law's gf) is pregnant and her due date is 3 weeks before what would have been mine. I love her to death and am still happy for them but can't help myself from being jealous. I do not want to feel that way, she is carrying my niece/nephew.  Why is it so easy for some to get pregnant and have healthy pregnancies? I thought it was all making sense when after 6 years of ttc, DH and I finally got a BFP. I thought, well God did have a plan, he wanted these cousins to be close, close in age for some reason. We were so overjoyed. We were finally having the family we'd always dreamed of... Then that dream came crashing down. It's just not fair. I hate feeling this way, like why do these people, these alcoholics and drug addicts and the like get to have babies and some who are in steady long-term relationships with no addictions, who are healthy and have careers cannot??

I'm soo angry. I'm angry at the world and everyone and no one. 

 I'm still going to counseling weekly.

I still find myself avoiding many friends and family. I'm still breaking down in tears at random. 

I know time is the only thing that can heal a broken heart.

Is anyone else continuing with this struggle to act "normal" and talk and hang out with your family and friends?

 I'm so sorry for us all, I do NOT wish a MC on my worst enemy.



Re: 1 month ago today (long)

  • I am so sorry!  I have moments where I do fine "acting" normal, but then other moments when it just feels impossible.  I don't have anything wise to say.. other than Hugs!! 

    Come on Sticky baby!!
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  • Thank you, hugs to you too!
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  • I hate so much to see others in pain, but thank you for sharing your story. We just lost our baby 36 hours ago after traveling across the country to visit family. I'm scared of how I will respond to friends and coworkers when we head home. So many things to process.
    Hoping your heart heals quickly and that you are able to find some peace.
    27 y.o. Married since Sept 12.

    BFP 5/20/13  m/c 6/27/13
    We will be TTC starting in August.

  • I know exactly how you feel. I literally just said the same thing to my mom during one of my break downs. My brother and SIL are also pregnant but I'm so happy for them, they've also had a terrible loss So they needed this.

    However there is a girl I know.. Not a friend... Well shes only a few weeks ahead of us. she already has 3 kids that she doesn't take care of, i mean I've seen this girl drive drunk with her her kids in the car.. Multiple times. And THIS irresponsible person gets to have a 4th child?. It's so frustrating!!

    I agree I don't wish this pain on anyone. And I know God has a plan.. I just wish my plan didn't involve so much disappointment. My DH reminds me when I get down that all of this is just going to make the take home baby that much more special.
  • Thanks I hope it isn't too hard on you. If you can find a happy place try to stay there. I try but it doesn't always work. My only advice is be honest with your friends and coworkers, if you're not ok, tell them. If you want to talk about it, tell them. Most people don't know how or what to say so if they avoid you try not to let it bother you. Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way!
  • Carolinamommy I feel your pain. Life is so unfair and there is nothing we can do about it. It just really sucks. Your DH sounds great, and what he said is true. We probably do/will have much more appreciation for becoming a parent than those drunks that just keep popping out kids and don't even know who the father is...etc. sending thoughts and prayers your way Hun!
  • Maureen, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but unfortunately I am facing the same struggle you are right now.  Today marks one month since my miscarriage began and I honestly feel like I might fall apart at any second.  The only thing I can say is hang in there, and keep your hope up.  I have to believe that it will get better eventually.  Until then, please know you are not alone!



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