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April 2013 Moms
Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha
member
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Help me be a good friend
Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha
member
Help me be a good friend
My friend is coming over and spending the night because her boyfriend, who is an alcoholic, had a relapse and lied to her about it.
I have no idea what to tell her or how to help. I have no experience with addiction, but aren't relapses to be expected? FWIW, this is her boyfriend's first relapse since acknowledging he has a problem (2 months ago).
TIA
Farewell, nesticle, you will be missed
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help me be a good friend
Coming from an entire family full of addictions... you have a greater chance of relapsing, yes, but there are those who do change. My mother who had to go to the hospital was told her condition was becausr of her addiction (pain meds) she didn't want to commit suicide...at least that what she tells us.. but that finally scared her enough to stop taking so much at once. That also made her quit smoking... because she also was diagnosed with COPD. Some people will ONLY change when something major and bad happens, it is sad, but that is what it takes.
Tell her she will always have a friend to confide in. That is all you can do really, bad mouthing her boyfriend, even if she agrees, won't make her change her love/lust for him... if she goes back to him, so be it. It sounds like he will make more slip ups, she will be back to square one again. If by chance that happens, which I hope it doesn't, do not do the I told you so. Looking from the outside it seems so simple.. the answer, leave that person and it will be less stress... but I have tried this with my family members about drugs/drinking/weight and it ends up in arguements. You nor her want that. If she asks for relationship advice then give it, try to do so with a neutral ground...
She is your friend most of all, just have her back. Tell her that. I could write pages on addiction, but I am on my tablet and I am afraid this might not even go through..
This. And if you feel this way, if she needs anything you will be there for her. Having dealt with an XBF who had an addiction problem it's nice to know you have some place to go with no judgement. I'm sure she's more appreciative than you will ever know that you gave her a place to go while dealing with this relapse.
It also doesn't pay to bad mouth the SO. If you bad mouth him and she goes back to him, it might later hurt your relationship with your friend.