It's Decision Time.

OceanBreeze1 · June 2013

Hello, CD1. Time to decide if we're doing an iui or ending our Ttc2 journey...

Originally we were doing one iui and stopping if it didn't work, but now we're considering one and done. I made cd4 appt., but...

I just can't decide!

I'm more in camp OAD, but I worry I'll regret it in time. I hate that this is a decision we have to make RIGHT now.

It doesn't help that I have my hands full lately. Dh got a new job, not a teacher anymore, and we have a rescue dog that I can't leave alone with dd because they play in such a way he has scratched her face multiple times and snapped in the past. I feel like I almost have 2 kids already, lol.

Dh could go either way. It's hard to say a final that's it, we're done, without trying.

I was so gung ho a few months ago, now not so much.

Sorry, just needed to get my thoughts out to try to figure out what I want.

I'd appreciate any thoughts on why you aren't OAD. Thanks for listening!

OceanBreeze1 · June 2013

chiwifey:
This is a really tough decision and I'm sorry that you have to make one right now. It's incredibly unfair.nbsp;Well I just went for baseline today to get ready for an FET so I definitely don't feel OAD. For me, I've always seen myself having a big family. I love kids and organized chaos ; I grew up 12 yrs younger than my only sibling and I missed having that close relationship that siblings usually have. I know that's not always the case and that's not how everyone feels. Also I had tons of cousins and grew up close to them and have great relationships with all of them. I like big families in general. : I want that for C and it may or may not happen. We adore our boy but when we look at our family we know it is beautiful but not quite complete. Our son is the biggest blessing ever and we just want to continue to build on that.nbsp;I'll be sending you many tamp;ps for peace and wisdom as you and your DH make this decision. nbsp;

Thank you!!!!

My only sister is 14 years younger than me, so I was OK growing up as an only child, lol.

Hoping your cycle is successful and you can get a bit closer to your dream of a big family. I'm so sorry that IF sucks so bad and you have to go through so much for it.

And sorry for talking about this all the time, lol. I should find something else to talk about...

LuvWIfootball · June 2013

My oldest son, from a previous marriage, is almost 11 yrs old. Even with the babies now, he is essentially an only child in the fact that he has no siblings to play with or share the same interests. I will always have guilt that he had to grow up this way because I see how lonely it can be for him. It's hard to tell him to "go outside and play, it's nice out", when there's not much to do outside by yourself (and friends aren't always available/allowed to come over). I was lucky that he always found ways to keep himself occupied, and I don't think he's traumatized from being an only child for so long, but I know it would have been different if he had a sibling closer in age. My sister and I are 2yrs apart and even though we fought a lot, we still always had someone to play with, watch a movie together, or just hang out.

When DH and I discussed having kids together, I made it very clear that I would do whatever was necessary to have more than one kid, because I didn't want another child growing up alone like DS1.

pb_bride · June 2013

OB, good luck with whatever decision you and YH come to. As I said before, there's no right or wrong answer to this. There are plenty of pros and cons for each side. I have a feeling that I'll be posting the exact same thing 6 months from now... Sending you some cyber hugs!

firewife9278 · June 2013

I'm sorry that you have to make this decision right now I'm sending good thoughts your way that you will be comfortable and happy with whatever choice you and K make.

We have gone back and forth so many times and sometimes wish there was an easy answer to this. I am not at all close with my brother, despite only being 3 years apart in age. So I guess I never really understand the need for a sibling as a playmate (and I know you understand that!).

Anyway, we decided to be OAD because there was no guarantee that we'd be able to get pregnant again, and we would rather spend the money on vacations and frivolous things for DD.

It's a decision that only you guys can make, and know what's right for you. But through it all, I'm here for you

itsmevkb · June 2013

I fought hard to have our second and third children so I haven't been completely in your position, however, I think you should ask yourself, if I go ahead and find out I'm pregnant will I regret that? You seem to know that at some point you might look back and regret not having tried so flip that around, do you think you'll look back when your mythical second baby is three and regret having had him or her? If the answer to that question is no, you wouldn't regret it then I would at least try.

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · June 2013

I am sorry that you have to make this decision right now. I am sending T&Ps your way as you go through this.

For us we would love to have another child but we know that may not happen. I don't want to be OAD, but I decided when I was pg that I would NOT do any treatment other than an FET (we have frosties). It sucks so bad for all of us that we don't get the oppurtunity in life to make these decisions on our own time because there will likely alwyas have to be some sort of intervention to get us pregnant.

Again I am so sorry you have to make this decision now and I wish you peace with your decision when you make it.

Ruthie04 · June 2013

It's just never easy, is it? So sorry for all of this stress!! I know it's different since I had twins, but I can definitely relate to the worry of potential regret later on. Despite my age, my RE said we don't have much time left, but I'm so not ready to make a decision on TTC #3. Another way for IF to kick us when we are down.

Many hugs your way.

itsmevkb · June 2013

chiwifey:

itsmevkb:
I fought hard to have our second and third children so I haven't been completely in your position, however, I think you should ask yourself, if I go ahead and find out I'm pregnant will I regret that? You seem to know that at some point you might look back and regret not having tried so flip that around, do you think you'll look back when your mythical second baby is three and regret having had him or her? If the answer to that question is no, you wouldn't regret it then I would at least try.

I think this sounds like really good advice!

vkb, i think i would like you to be my personal therapist you always have great words of wisdom.

Awww thanks. Anytime :-)

ELF4321 · June 2013

It sucks that you have to rush into a decision like this. Good luck and hugs.

OceanBreeze1 · June 2013

Thanks, ladies. I appreciate your thoughts. I don't really have anyone to talk about this with who gets it like you do.

Dh and I have a date night tonight so we'll talk it out. I wouldn't regret having another, but I may have thoughts of chaos in the beginning, lol. And what if it's twins?!!!

I would feel like we are complete with just dd, that I know.

I guess I'll update Monday if I go get my bloodwork!

Again, thanks so much. Hugs all around!!!

mcgeeva · June 2013

I think regardless you got to go with your gut and what is best for your family. I am not OAD becuase I want a second for my ds to have a buddy to play with. DH is a only child and I have a brother that is 11 months older then me and we had a great relationship growing up. I want that for ds. In the end I also know regardless women get stuck with a majority of the child rearing so I know that going into having #2.

Question is..would you wait another year and then try? Why the rush to make a decision now? If to keep the kids close in age I get that. If you guys can wait..put it on the back burner for a while if your that torn about having another. Is life just a little crazier right now due to you husbands new job, having the dog etc? I don't think life ever slows down really but maybe it's just a lot going on right now. Again I like to think we are all given what we can handle in life but who knows. Good luck! I hope you figure it out.

imoverit · June 2013

There are days when I feel OAD and then there are days when My heart feels heavy and I long for another LO. Your heart should be totally in it.

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