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Working Moms
Jenny952
member
overnight travel and nervous dad
Jenny952
member
in Working Moms
I'm on an overnight work trip (2 nights, I go home tomorrow), and DH is home alone with DD. The first time I went away my mom was in town to help, but this time is just dad. Last night went well, but tonight has been a bit of a disaster. He texted me tonight that she threw up at bathtime, then was wide awake and then took forever to get to sleep. I feel for him because I know it's hard but I'm also a bit annoyed at how frustrated he is. He told me I'm never leaving again! He's being a bit dramatic tonight and normally he is really good with DD. She's a really good baby so it's not like holy hell is breaking loose at home. How should I handle this when I get home? I'll pick her up from daycare and give him a break tomorrow night, but things have to go back to normal. I'm frustrated that it's like this so what can I do to get both of them more comfortable with me being gone?
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Re: overnight travel and nervous dad
I travel more than DH but he goes out of town about twice a year. I just remind him that 1. we each need time away, whether it's a work trip or a bachelor party and his time will come, and 2. each age gets easier. I'm on mobile, so I can't see how old your LO is, but I'll tell you DH was terrified of my first trip when DD was nine months but at 2 years, he's much more comfortable.
Good luck. I'm sure he just spoke out of frustration.
Yes, he travels about 25% of the time, so he's gone a lot more often than I am. My next trip is in August and my mom is planning on helping again so hopefully that will make him feel so much better. DD is 19 months and loves daddy but when bedtime comes around, she realizes I'm not home and has a little bit of a tougher time. I think I will just tell him how much I appreciated being away for 2 nights, getting some good sleep and having a fun time out with my co-workers. And of course, how much I appreciate him!
DS is definitely worse when the routine is off. Lucky for me our routine is saying goodnight to daddy - he can (and has) done that via phone. Bedtime is easy for me. Poor DH on the other hand... he just has to muddle through (and does an admirable job of it).
Once when DH was away DS got a terrible virus with a high fever, we had contractors in and out working on the house and I couldn't use the kitchen for three days, I got DS's virus, and then our AC stopped working entirely. When he came home he told me the other guy on the trip thought I was a nagging wife because I called him so much. As in, two times in one day. Both times about scheduling the AC repair and when I knew he was in the car driving between locations, not in meetings. I was livid!
Work on it together so that everyone is better for it.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
We have both traveled, not necessarily for work but girl/guy weekends here and there. It is important that both of you are comfortable doing in on your own when necessary. If I am home, my kids prefer me for bedtime. However, if I am not home they adjust and DH does it.
That's not to say it isn't hard or your shouldn't be sympathetic, but I can count on one hand the number of times we have called the other to vent about how awful of a night it has been. It really doesn't serve a purpose. I just get through it and look forward to my next night away in peace.
I honestly think it's kind of ridiculous that your mom has to come help him take care of one 19-month old. I mean, I have a couple of teenage nieces that will sometimes come and help me if DH is away, but I have a 3-year old, a 21 month old, and am due with #3 any day now.
And I actually have to "ditto" the concept that I think your mom coming to help him is actually NOT a good idea. He's the dad. Just as much as you are the mom. It's kind of baffling to me that he can't handle ONE child on his own for a couple days.
But - as long as you pander to him and say "let's get my mom here to help", then he'll never really need to "learn" how to do it on his own. He's allowed to be frustrated, but he needs to get it that he needs to be able to handle his one child by himself.
Seriously- starting this weekend, he needs to be more involved in the bedtime routine. Even if you're still there, he needs to be there too and your DD needs to associate him w/ bedtime.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree, I think the first business trip I took after LO was born (he was about 6 months old) was the best thing for everyone in the family. Because I had been the one to take leave when he was born, and because I was EBF, I tended to take over everything and only assign tasks to DH when I really needed him. Me going away for 4 days helped everyone to realize that DH could take charge. It does sound like OP's husband had a rough night, with the vomiting and everything. That was probably mostly bad luck, she would have had a rough night if you were there. They got through it.