Pre-School and Daycare
jpearce327
member
What would you expect?
jpearce327
member
So, what changes would you expect in a preschooler when a new sibling arrives? DS should be right around 4 when his new baby brother or sister comes into the world. He is the only child at his dads house & my house. He is the only grandchild on all 4 sides (my parents, both of SO's parents, his dad's parents, and his dad's SO's parents). He is also the only great grandchild on at least 3 sides. Basically the world revolved around him, or so he thinks. He is very well behaved, but he is just very used to lots of adults paying lots of attention to him.
How would you expect him to react?
Is there anything we can do to prepare him for this?
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Re: What would you expect?
I think this is one of those things where it depends on the kid. Some roll with it better than others. My DD had (and still has) some jealousy issues and definitely increased in tantrums and defiance, but she was also 2.5 when DS arrived, so that undoubtedly makes a difference. She loves her little brother very much, but it is also definitely hard for her at times to share attention.
In terms of preparation, I think all you can do is talk about it positively, like how special it will be to be a big brother, but also be honest about the fact that baby won't play with toys right away, baby may cry, etc. Then expect to be extra patient with him once baby arrives, because no matter what his reaction is the reality is that his world will change. Heck, yours will, too! I think we were all a bit rocked by adding child #2 into the mix, but you will find your stride again. Good luck!
I've been reading books about siblings to her, pointing out babies, and talking about her new brother/sister as much as I can. She has started to really love playing with one of her dolls so I try to encourage her when she is sweet to her baby. I've also tried to have her wait for things a bit... like if she wants some more milk I don't jump up right away like I used to. Trying to work on patience and understanding that she has to do some things for herselflike getting toys from another room and such.
DH and I have started talking about how to make her feel included the best we can once the new baby is here. Guess I'll see if this works come December.
I think it is hard to predict. We were worried about jealousy and acting out. Honestly, we have been amazed. DS was nearly four when our DD was born. He absolutely adores her. We were really careful about not changing how we act towards him but he does have to wait for our attention. He always done fine with waiting. He is a huge help too.
To prepare him, we simply talked about expecting the baby and kept him involved and excited.
Hi -- mom of older kids chiming in!
If you check my tickers, you'll see that my DD was just about to turn 4 when her little brother was born. Like your son, my oldest was the center of the universe in both families. She was a smart, sensitive, serious kid who was used to being around adults most of the time.
Let me assure you that, although there were some challenging moments at first, becoming a big sister was the BEST thing that has ever happened to her. Being forced to share the spotlight and to relate to another child all the time made her more tolerant, less self-centered, and more flexible.
When kids are 4 years apart, it takes a while for the relationship to develop, but it WILL happen. As far as I can remember, here's basically how it went for us:
--Few weeks before EDD: we watched some videos and read books about becoming an older sibling. A good video was "Three Bears and A Baby" from Sesame Street, in which the 3 bears add little sis Curley Bear to the family. YouTube probably has it.
--First few days after the birth: excitement about the big event, thrill at staying with Grandma, visiting the hospital, getting "big sister" presents, our family being in the spotlight. In the first week after DS's birth, I had grandparents visit to take her on outings each day to give her and me a break. This really helped.
--Week 2 to 8: Denial, mild frustration, a little regression & acting out. She actually mourned for our lives before the baby. Although she never did anything TO her brother, she let her dad and I know how much she was displeased with his arrival. He was too loud, took too much of our time, was too annoying. Can't he go back to the hospital? Key to this stage is to resist the urge to try to make the older sibling "love" the younger sibling. As long as she didn't act on her feelings, we totally accepted whatever she felt about her brother. We agreed with her that babies ARE pretty annoying sometimes, and we discussed how she was similar to this when she was a baby. Looking at her baby pics and reminiscing about what SHE was like really helped, too.
--When DS was 2 months to 3 years: A Separate Peace. After the first several weeks, she settled down, but she didn't really interact with him much. She was in preschool, then real school. She developed her own friends and a life outside of the family. They two of them were in such different zones that there was little competition and angst, but not much warmth either. Key to this stage was -- again -- not trying to force her to relate to him.
--Starting when he was 4 and she was 8: Becoming Best Friends. As soon as he was old enough to actually play and keep up with her, they began to relate as buddies. They played more... and fought more, but she considered him an equal, sort of. Neither kid will admit that they actually LIKE the other, but they spend 80% of their free time hanging out together. They are each the most important kid in the other's life.
Key is to take it slow and let their relationship evolve on its own. Trying to force the older child to "love" the baby or to "be a good big brother" will only lead to resentment. And don't feel guilty about #1 being booted from the spotlight. It's the best thing that will ever happen to your firstborn!