Dad on Paternity leave home alone with LO

jschmidt6 · June 2013

Is anyone else planning to finish their maternity leave, go back to work, and then have a SO stay at home on paternity leave/vacation for a week or two? My DH is using 2 weeks of vacation at the very beginning when our LO is born while I'm on maternity leave. Then he's going back to work on week 3 and after 8 weeks I'm going back to work. From week 9-10 he's going to use his work paid paternity leave to stay home and prolong daycare a little bit. This is our first and I'm sure when the time comes he will probably have the hang of things, but it still makes me a little nervous! You should have seen him try to swaddle and change a diaper at child birth class hahahaha Surprise

EastCoastBride · June 2013

While not all men "need" this - I seriously think fathers staying at home for a period of time and REALLY be involved w/ the baby helps out so much in the long run. Many men are nervous about babies, don't know how to handle them, etc, and kind of take the backseat to the mom, and in turn - a dynamic is often created where the mom is the main caretaker simply by default.

I've seen it happen w/ a few friends where when their DHs are really involved and even "the" caretaker for awhile when they are tiny helps the fathers gain confidence and makes him realize "Yeah, I can do this!".

A part of this, too, is the mom stepping back can letting daddy make decisions or do things their own way and not necessarily the way mom would handle it.

So- I think it's great that your DH can do this!

Mustardseed2007 · June 2013

My H did this but he took off 4 weeks. Honestly he was awesome. Much better than I thought he'd be and, to my surprise, he was better at a lot of it than me. He's super type A about rules - and there are so many rules that you can follow about babies - he was in heaven.

Netty_3 · June 2013

We did this. DH took the first two weeks off with me, then took an additional two weeks when I went abck to work to prolong the time before he went to daycare.

SarahinMD · June 2013

DH took his 6 weeks paid paternity leave (we're fortunate) after my maternity leave ended with DD, and we'll do the same with this LO. DH was always great with DD but I think the time with her really helped them bond even more I think. H was even way more confident with her after that, and it allowed them to develop their own routines, rather than just doing what I'd suggested.

jc&cat · June 2013

mbm1983:
Mine is a stay at home dad. While the first week was rough. He quickly got the hang of things. sink or swim! And don't be too critical if he does things a little differently than you.

This!

jlaOK · June 2013

I am on week 2 of maternity leave and my DH is doing the exact same thing that yours is. He doesn't have paid paternity leave but has a lot sick/vacation time saved up. The only difference is that I WFH so I'll be near for those 2 weeks he's home with DD.

MammaBear81 · June 2013

DH works night so he's on "daddy duty" every day form 7am-3pm, he takes care of the 5 now while I work, and after my 10 week maternity leave he will be taking care of all 6 of them.

laurakaz13 · June 2013

DH has lots of alone time with DD. He does things a bit differently than I do, but so what? You will both do things in your own way and as long as you agree on the big things, then just let it go.

LoCarb · June 2013

Some employers offer paid paternity leave? Awesome! I think it will be great for dad to bond and experience the daily tasks as a caregiver.

MammaBear81 · June 2013

LoCarb:
Some employers offer paid paternity leave? Awesome! I think it will be great for dad to bond and experience the daily tasks as a caregiver.

I don't think many companies (esp in the US) have pair paternity leave, but my company does (it is a small company, so it was quite surprising). Women get 4 weeks paid, and men get 1 week paid, they also give both men and woman 1 week paid leave for adopting a child. Father's can always use FMLA (if their company is big enough) but of course it's unpaid.

Divallyn · June 2013

My H did the last 3 months of our 12 month paternity/maternity leave.

it was the best idea ever. It brought them a lot closer and it allowed me to go back to a promotion earlier than I was scheduled to return.

The first week was a big wake up call to him but after that he rocked it.

Clynnpollock · June 2013

DH was home with me the first week of DS's life (DS was a scheduled induction, so DH too vacation time to do this), then he went out on paternity leave the week before I went back to work from maternity leave. This gave us a week of family bonding that wasn't mostly at the hospital. He took 7 weeks. He could have used full FMLA, but chose not to in case something were to happen and we needed one of us able to use more FMLA time(I maxed mine out for maternity leave). DH works for an international company so could take paternity leave anytime in the first year of the baby's life. It was a great decision. DS didn't got to daycare until he was 4 months old. I'm 14 weeks pregnant with our second and we'll be doing it that way again. This time I may negotiate some WFH days (kids still go to daycare) after DH returns to work so that part of the transition is a bit smoother than it was with DS, but other than that I think what we did the first time worked so well, I'm all for doing it that way again.

thedash · June 2013

DH took nearly 3 months of paid paternity leave when my maternity leave ended. The hardest part was that I was jealous because I didn't want to go back to work. Aside from that he is an equally competent parent and we have never been a family where either of us is more or less capable of caring for DS than the other.

jschmidt6 · June 2013

Thanks for the words of encouragement! I think a father's role in the house has changed a lot since I was a kid. I'm so glad that so many dad's really take a hands on role of raising their kids and not just providing material things. My father never would have stayed home from work for 2 weeks to take care of me and my 2 brothers as babies! I know my DH is going to have a rocky road at first, but he's very protective and very careful and I know that's all that matters. I will probably be calling him every 30 minutes and requesting photo texts too! hahah

sugarbear0524 · June 2013

It's a breath of fresh air to hear about all these involved Daddies. So many times on message boards you get the "stupid DH" posts about how they never get up with their babies, don't know how to do anything, etc. They need to let those guys parent,even if they don't do it the same one. With your first baby, you're not an expert either. DS was our first, and DH and I just figured it out together. DH does all the same tasks I do for DS, and has since the beginning. He's better at some things than I am. He's more patient.

thedash · June 2013

sugarbear0524:
It's a breath of fresh air to hear about all these involved Daddies. So many times on message boards you get the "stupid DH" posts about how they never get up with their babies, don't know how to do anything, etc. They need to let those guys parent,even if they don't do it the same one. With your first baby, you're not an expert either. DS was our first, and DH and I just figured it out together. DH does all the same tasks I do for DS, and has since the beginning. He's better at some things than I am. He's more patient.

I completely agree! I am always shocked by the stuff I see women posting about their husbands doing. DH and I each have different strengths and different parenting tasks that we prefer, but our parenting is really a partnership and not "my job" because I'm the mom.

Karla CS · June 2013

EastCoastBride:
A part of this, too, is the mom stepping back can letting daddy make decisions or do things their own way and not necessarily the way mom would handle it.

This! So much of this. DH took two weeks off while I went back to work.. It gave him sometime to bond with her and determine HIS way of doing things, vs. me just telling him how to do things. It was always amazingly helpful for me when he could give me real time updates of how much she ate (reassuring me that I was indeed pumping enough!) and send me pictures when I needed them.

Bella427 · June 2013

Our good friend is currently home for the summer (he's a teacher) with his newborn.

DH was home with DD for a year. Them having the "sink or swim" experience themselves really helps cement their roles as involved dads, if you ask me. He'll be equally able to handle LO in the future and will be less likely to be the type of dad who calls being home with his own kids "babysitting."

You know the type.

OhSewCrafty · June 2013

milkergirl1:
We're doing something similar. My H is a teacher so he is home for the summer. This allowed me to take 3.5 months off, and now he is home until the end of August taking care of DS. Even though he was very involved...changing diapers, feeding the occasional bottle, etc, he was still nervous when he took over. 2 weeks in, and he's got his routine down and is doing fine. This is our first, also. Your H will do just fine.

Same for us except DH is now home with both kids. He has survived thus far! ;-)

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