C-sections
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advice for holistic mama having unwanted c-section
beccabride2be
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in C-sections
I'm looking for advice for my sister in law. She is 39 weeks. But found out baby is breech at 37 weeks and she has tried all of the things to flip the baby (except external version.) the cord is wrapped around the baby's neck so they have scheduled a csection for this thursday, 1 day shy of her due date. My SIL is depressed that she will not be having her natural vaginal birth (no meds). She has tried so hard this whole pregnancy to be as natural as possible has a midwife and doula.
What advice can i give her to help her through this? before the surgery, recovery time, emotionally.. anything will help.
I had my DS vaginally w no pain meds so im not sure how i can help her. TIA
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Re: advice for holistic mama having unwanted c-section
I think the most important thing to remember is that she will have a beautiful happy and healthy baby at the end of the procedure.
There isn't much she can do about her disappointment ...she just needs to keep her eye on the prize and remember that she is doing the best thing for her baby.
Motherhood is full of sacrifices but, having the section is only the first of many to come.
Wishing her the best of luck!
I feel for your SIL. I had only midwives for my first child, no drugs, no interventions- then at 8cm my water broke, the cord prolapsed and the next thing I remember I was waking up 6hrs later, with my baby in the NICU. As funny as it sounds I'm thankful that he was in the NICU, it gave me something to focus on and I never had time to "mourn" the loss of my "Perfect" birth. Instead I focused on the little victorys my son had every day getting closer to going home. And I think that is the best thing, like PPs have said, focus on the baby- how they got there doesnt matter in the end.
If people give her a hard time about going the "easy way out" she can coooter punch them, major surgery is not the easy way, no way of getting a squirmy watermelon out of your abdominal cavity is easy. No way of having a child, csection, 'natural', epidural, adoption, foster, alien dump on the doorstep is easy, parenting is hard work, but its worth it no matter how it happens.
I'm not hungry, I'm HUUUNNNNNGGGRRRRRYYYY! NOW!
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If your SIL was set on a natural vaginal birth and has been planning for it she is going to feel the loss of her expectations. And the hormones will make it hard for a while. But eventually she should realize that she and her baby are lucky that c-section was an option and that her baby was born without the consequences that could have occured from being breech with a wrapped cord. Being natural and healthy throughout the pregnancy is not negated by a c-section. Her baby has still benefited. He/she just needs medical intervention to finish off. And when it's necessary medical intervention should not be a bad thing. That is what it's there for and that is what natural birthers preach, medical intervention only when necessary.
I know how hard it is because I planned for a natural with my first and due to a stubborn and huge baby ended with a c-section. My biggest regret now, almost 3 years later, is the money I wasted on the doula who bailed on me for another client since I was no longer "natural," not the way he was born. I don't regret my Bradley classes because I enjoyed those even those I was the class "failure."
And remind her it doesn't change anything else. BF'ing is fine whatever other granola she planned, cloth diapers, etc will still happen.
Great advice. I was a c section after a failed induction at 41 weeks. If there are things that she feels are important (immediate skin time, bfing, etc), have her communicate with her care providers as to what she wants and see what can be done to accommodate those. I missed so much of those things because I didn't have time to prepare. Not everything can be accommodated, but the clearer she is about wants the more likely she is to get them.
Remain positive but don't go so far as being the excited gitty person. She might not see it now, but the advancements in medical technology have already gave her LO a chance for a good start. Especially since the cord is around LO's neck, this CS is what is safest for the baby.
I'd also refrain from comparing deliveries, and expect a roller coaster of emotions. With my first-born I felt cheated having found out LO was frank-breech with low AF and that a scheduled CS was in our best interests. I, too, had been looking forwards to a med-free birth and was now not going to be given a chance to experience labor. It took me over a year to get over the ''loss of my delivery''.
It will probably take her some serious time to come to terms with it. I'm a month pp and I still don't have a grasp on it. Ironically I went in there with the plan to just get baby here safely however that meant.. However, when the induction failed, I didn't have the time to ask questions or to be mad at my body. Now a month later, I'm stuck wondering what could I have done differently to prepare, what this means for baby 2, etc. Recovery will be the hardest part. Even though I was used to being pretty independent, i felt terrible having to rely on others. I felt defeated, all around. If she's a pretty healthy natural person, that part might be hard for her also.
Edit:oops. Was supposed to quote the link
This! As a mama of a breech baby - I agree with the above.
My advice would be to let her morn the loss of that dream. Be sympathetic and understanding. Don't be that person who tries to cheer her up by looking on the bright side.
It always made me feel a twinge of anxiety and anger whenever someone said "It doesn't matter that you had a CS, what's important is that everyone is safe and healthy". They were right of course, but those sunshine filled optimistic comments didn't help me feel better. Instead they felt dismissive. Sometimes they even made me feel guilty for being disappointed.
In my situation I knew early on I'd have a CS, and I knew it was for the best (twins, one breech and one transverse). But, that didn't change the fact that it wasn't the kind of birth experience I had hoped for. Plus I'd gone through a vaginal birth with DD, so I knew what I was missing.
I wish someone had just told me that it was okay to be disappointed (and not not followed it immediately with a "But, look on the bright side" comment)
First, you are a great sister in law that you want to be supportive to her. So many people don't get it. The "you have a healthy baby, that is all that matters" camp.
If I were her, I would be upfront about my wishes after birth. After a long labor, my baby started to show signs of distress, and the call was made for a c section.
I told the OB and surgical team that my son was to go to my husband right away, and if he needed to go to the NICU, my husband was to be with him (thankfully, he didn't). Also I wanted no eye ointment, no bottles or pacis if he was to be seprarated (I am going to assume your SIL wants to BF).
Request skin to skin ASAP, if Mom can't, then Dad can.
Just be there for her. Remind her it's not her fault.
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
I had emergency c/s under general anesthesia the day before my due date. Went for my 40 week appointment and never went home. I will be honest, I had a very hard time with how my daughter was born. I was planning on a vaginal birth. What I had was no experience with labor, being completely under, husband was not allowed in the room due to being general anesthesia, no cutting the cord, no non-medical witnesses to the birth, and because of the anesthesia pieces of the 24 hours after are foggy. I cried a lot the first month when I would think about it. I felt that I had let everyone down because I could not physically deal with the pregnancy at the end (fabulous pregnancy until then). My husband was very supportive and would let me get out my emotions when I needed. I still had moments for a few months after (DD is now 14 months) but I know that it was what was needed for my health (acute pre-ecclampsia that was taking a turn) and for the safety of my DD. I still BF for a year and my DD loves me regardless of how she came into the world.
Sorry to babble. If she needs to have a moment let her. You spend your entire pregnancy leading up to this "magical planned moment" and then when it does not happen it is a loss. Her child will love her no matter what because she is the one that has been nurturing the child for the duration of the pregnancy, just remind her. Do not give a "it could be worse" scenario because that will make it worse. Just remind her that she did not do anything wrong and she is not a failure. She carried a child, how amazing is that. Hope this helps.