With all the BFPs...

megs52881 · June 2013

Anyone else freaking out? I don't know if I can do it again. And honestly I would love to hear from all of the girls that are pregnant or trying what makes you want to do it again so soon. I hated being pregnant, hated delivery, hated pp, I was crazy, Liam was crazy. I LOVE this kid. But, it's hard. I feel like there is one issue after another. I don't sleep, I am still fat, I still don't think I have it all together. I never thought I would be one and done, but I really don't know if I can do this all over again. Is this normal, STMs? One day will I just wake up and be ready or is it something you just do and hope it all works out? Problem is I am not a spring chicken so I have to get going in a few months if I want to do this again.

ThePinkSuperhero · June 2013

No spring chicken? Pfffffft! You're, what, 17, 18?

megs52881 · June 2013

ThePinkSuperhero:
No spring chicken? Pfffffft! You're, what, 17, 18?

16. But, I have heard that after 15 it is all down hill.

I am 32 and was hoping to start trying next spring which would make me almost 34 when I had the baby. I only say this because if age wasn't an issue I would be one of those ladies that got pregnant when their child was 4 so when they had their new baby their other kid was in kindergarten all day. I never got this theory until now. Genius. Pure genius.

nesenotes · June 2013

For me its more of a fear of ruining a good thing.

I have it pretty good right now. Yes some days suck and I cant stand her by the end of the day, but for the most part its not so bad.

Im waiting just a little while longer. I want her to be able to go to Pre School or something a few days out of the week so I can have my sanity.

And also I kind of feel like I will be more relaxed the next go around. I know what to expect and I think it will be easier now that the mystery is gone. So I want to enjoy it because it will be my last. I'm DONE after the next one.

Boing214 · June 2013

I agree, I have no idea how you ladies are doing it! I have a relatively easy child (from what everyone says) and I still wouldn't want to have another one at the same time. Tongue Tied

You're all amazing for being able to handle it, I'm such a weenie.

beckyjoy8 · June 2013

Well, since you asked for us pregnant ladies to chime in, here goes. It probably makes a difference with how your pregnancy was, how delivery went, how your LO was, etc. For me, I had a really easy pregnancy with Wes. No morning sickness. Just pretty bad heartburn, but tolerable with like 4 bottles of TUMS throughout my pregnancy Wink

When it came to delivery, I had it in my mind I wanted to go med free, but was open to the epi if I couldn't handle it anymore. The first 15 hours of labor really were tolerable for me and not bad just breathing through them. The doctor broke my water at 8cm to progress faster and those last 2 hours were terrible. But once that was over, recovery wasn't too bad at all for me. Just a few stitches and 6 weeks later, I felt pretty great. Wesley was a champ with breast feeding, taking to bottle so I could pump and get away at times, loved his paci (still does), etc.

As for Wes as a newborn, he slept 7 hours at night by 7 weeks and was a fairly good napper. He was such a happy, content baby from the beginning. DH was and still is super helpful. Such as going and getting Wes when he woke up, bringing him to me, I nursed him and then DH would bring him back to his crib. I think it helps for me knowing what a help he is. He does dishes without me asking, picks up, goes to work and works hard, etc. He's basically super daddy, to me and Wesley Big Smile

So very early on, I really wanted another one. Here are my reasons (besides the fairly easy pregnancy, delivery and newborn stage) - I really want to get all my "fat" years out of the way at once. We always said we wanted 4 kids. We'll see how 2 goes. My sister and my brother are 15 months apart and my brother and I are 22 months apart, so my mom had 3 in 3 years. We're all pretty close to this day and loved being involved in the same things when we were younger and enjoying the same things. Doesn't mean those who are farther apart in age can't have those same things, but that's how it worked in my family and so that's what I was used to. So I really wanted a sibling close in age to Wesley. So we are thrilled baby boy #2 will only be 14 months younger. Plus, everyone I talked to said that yes, it's hard at the beginning with two so close together but as they get older, it's easier and fun for them.

My goodness, I didn't mean to write a book but there you go. There are my reasons for #2 and for #2 so close in age to Wes. Also, I know that because I such an awesome LO1 that I am bound to have a really terrible LO2. I can see it now.

WonderJess · June 2013

I loved almost all of pregnancy with my first but I still felt like you do at a year into it. I just did NOT want to go through the newborn stage again. We were sleeping, off bottles, walking, talking... life was in a great groove. I would say I hit 18 months and started to feel the itch again and knew that by the time Owen was 2.5 we would be more than ready to handle it. I still wasn't looking forward to the newborn stage, though, and I am glad it's over. I knew I wanted two kids and I was 33 when I had Lily... it was time to just do it.

SallySunrise · June 2013

Honestly, the way I came to be "ready" was not normal, expected, or joyful, so I'm not sure how moms know when the right time is under regular circumstances.

I wanted 3 or 4 until I had Benjamin... then I decided one more would be all I could handle and not ANY time soon. Around his first birthday I was having all the same feelings as you. Then we became pregnant by accident a few months later and I was FREAKING out. NOT READY!!! But it took all of two days before I got over it and fell in love with the baby inside me, and the idea of Ben being a big brother. I was still freaked out, but I was really happy about it too, and had faith that it was "meant" to happen that way. Of course in the end we lost that pregnancy and the next one, but my point here is that what "did it" for me was just, well, being pregnant! I didn't really have some big moment of clarity that made me feel finally ready; it was just happening and my heart got on board.

Maybe at some point you'll feel like "now is the time!" But if you don't, and you know that you really do want another one in theory, you may just have to take the plunge. You're an amazing mama and I don't think it's possible you could ever regret any baby you may bear!

DeniseRN · June 2013

Our babies are almost one, not 10 lol. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. I was ready again after Caleb turned 2 in September of 2011, and got pregnant in October of 2011. By then, he could walk, talk, entertain himself, and slept better. When I had Hunter, Caleb was almost 3. So much easier even then.

Give it a year and then reevaluate

lkamenko · June 2013

I had my first son when I was 25. The pregnancy was a breeze. He was not super difficult baby, but he had some health issues and I had severe ppd with him. I don't know why but I did not want to have another baby for a very very long time.

My dh would suggest to have another one and I remember saying that this is the last thing I needed right now. Yep, I was not very sweet back then...

Anyway, 9 years later it just clicked - I really wanted another one. I think a lot of it came from the family dynamics and Peter(my oldest) not being a baby anymore.

My second son is my favorite - he is the sweetest boy ever and I love him more then my first one (here is my confession for tomorrow I guess). I enjoyed being a mother with him much more then with the first one.

Well, 6 years later came my gift of god named Veronica, but this is another story.

So to answer your question - you don't have to have babies one after another, you can wait until it feels right. And you have plenty of time.

snickersforeveryone · June 2013

I hated pregnancy, hated PP, and man was I crazy. For months, I thought I was one and done. Then DH said something about him being happy with only one, and it's like a switch got flipped. Suddenly I couldn't stand the idea. When we got pregnant and lost our LO at Thanksgiving, it solidified it for both of us.

If it makes you feel any better about trying for another LO, this pregnancy has been completely different. I'm nowhere near as sick and I actually tend to forget I'm pregnant, except for getting the odd craving or random fatigue every now and then.

I'm really afraid of doing it all again, about trying to make sure Em feels just as loved, and about juggling the needs of two children when my husband will be working 6 days a week most of the time. So it's not all puppies and rainbows up in my noggin, but I'm already in love with this baby, so I'm sure it will be worth it and I'll retain at least a little of my sanity.

SallySunrise · June 2013

Oh! I'll also just throw a little hope out there to those that had rough pregnancies and deliveries:

Every pregnancy is different, and though you may not have the same experience as me, it's possible! EVERYTHING was better for me the second time around!

With Benjamin... Gained 44lb, puked 20x/day until 22w, in the hospital twice for dehydration, HORRIBLE back and sciatic pain in the end that required PT, very rough delivery that required 2hrs of pushing and vacuum extraction, I could go on and on.

Emily... Gained 26lb, only puked 5x/day until only 12ish weeks (HUGE difference!), no hospital visits, very little sciatic pain that went away with easy yoga stretches, super easy and quick delivery with zero problems!

The weight has also fallen off of me this time. I now weigh 10lb less than my starting weight with BEN!

bookworm982 · June 2013

I've become more of a lurker here than anything, but often I want to jump back in. So here's my quick answer to this question...

Basically, I'm going to have a newborn within the next two months, and I'm still not sure I'm ready to do this again. However, my DH is a twin and I have an adopted sister the same age as me. Neither of us could imagine DD growing up without a sibling close in age. Thus, we never prevented another pregnancy and ended up expecting fairly quickly. I'm super excited for the point when DD and DS can be playmates. That should be fun.

The crazy part? We'll probably do 2u2 at least 2 more times if all goes well. We want 4 or 5 kids, and we don't want to drag out the baby stage. Plus, we want our kids to be close enough in age to be playmates. Finally, having everyone close will keep bedroom sharing, vacation planning, etc. a lot simpler (ideally).

beckyjoy8 · June 2013

kimmer1412:
beckyjoy8:
Well, since you asked for us pregnant ladies to chime in, here goes. It probably makes a difference with how your pregnancy was, how delivery went, how your LO was, etc. For me, I had a really easy pregnancy with Wes. No morning sickness. Just pretty bad heartburn, but tolerable with like 4 bottles of TUMS throughout my pregnancy
I have to disagree with the bolded. I had a pretty easy pregnancy, no morning sickness or issues until my GD and while that sucked wasn't the worst thing in the world. My labor was 8 hours total with only 15 minutes and 5 pushes to get him out, no tearing or stitches at all, so recovery was really quick and easy for me. And my LO was also a great sleeper and always happy from the very beginning. All that being said I have no desire to have another baby any time soon.

Ahh, so yes, it is in fact just plain different for everyone! Good point.

beckyjoy8 · June 2013

Pegleg715:
To be the pregnant one to chime in, we chose to do this for a number of reasons.
1. DH doesn't want to be the "old dad" (he's only 32 now... idiot)
2. I have some problems and I'm not sure how long I'll be able to have kids.
3. I'm terrified of having an only child. My cousin is an only child (she's 42 now) and both her parents died within the last year. She's not married, has no kids, and also no siblings. It's been exceptionally hard on her. She feels completely alone and abandoned and like no one can reminisce about her childhood with her. I know that's not a really great reason, but I didn't want an only child.
4. I chose to do it this soon because in my head I have 3-4 years before Evie is off in school and able to really DO things. I can't imagine having to do all that with a newborn. I like the idea of getting all the sleepless nights, all the diapers, all the lugging of car seats and strollers over with and not extending it another 4 years after the oldest is 4. That's just my personal theory. I also see the up side to waiting until you have a child and not a baby anymore to add a baby.
5. I think a sibling close in age is the greatest thing in the world. You're experiencing the same things at the same time (ish), and enjoying the same things. I would hate to take my kid to Disney for the first time and have to split up because I have a 5 year old and a 10 year old and they each want to do 2 completely different things because of the age differece.
6. H has a 10 year old already. He already felt like there was enough of a gap between her and Evie and we didn't want to wait too much longer.

I think it's all so personal though that it can't be pushed.
Unless you're AME... then get KU already!

I completely agree with this for me too. This was another train of thought for us!

MamaNelly2312 · June 2013

Unfortunately I feel like I'm becoming a regular at the pharmacy counter asking for PLan B since DH doesn't like rubbers and BC makes me crazier than I already am. Since DH wants #2 he thinks it's ok to finish his 'deed' without giving me a warning. Phh men.

So we of course had the discussion about when the 2nd LO should be coming around and I was like NO WAY not until 2015 (hopefully). He is ready for a 2014 baby...yeah right. Of course he's all for a second child! it's so easy for him!

I do squeal in excitement reading everyone's BFP posts! It gets me excited that someone else is having a baby. But I'm totally not ready for that.

Best luck to all.

beckyjoy8 · June 2013

bookworm982:
I've become more of a lurker here than anything, but often I want to jump back in. So here's my quick answer to this question...
Basically, I'm going to have a newborn within the next two months, and I'm still not sure I'm ready to do this again. However, my DH is a twin and I have an adopted sister the same age as me. Neither of us could imagine DD growing up without a sibling close in age. Thus, we never prevented another pregnancy and ended up expecting fairly quickly. I'm super excited for the point when DD and DS can be playmates. That should be fun.
The crazy part? We'll probably do 2u2 at least 2 more times if all goes well. We want 4 or 5 kids, and we don't want to drag out the baby stage. Plus, we want our kids to be close enough in age to be playmates. Finally, having everyone close will keep bedroom sharing, vacation planning, etc. a lot simpler (ideally).

Welcome back. Are you on my bmb, Sept 13? I don't usually post over there though. But to the bolded, that's our plan as well. We'd ideally (like I said, we'll see how 2 goes) like these two to be close and then maybe a 2 year gap and then 2 close again.

breannie · June 2013

neuderke:
Unfortunately I feel like I'm becoming a regular at the pharmacy counter asking for PLan B since DH doesn't like rubbers and BC makes me crazier than I already am. Since DH wants #2 he thinks it's ok to finish his 'deed' without giving me a warning. Phh men.
So we of course had the discussion about when the 2nd LO should be coming around and I was like NO WAY not until 2015 (hopefully). He is ready for a 2014 baby...yeah right. Of course he's all for a second child! it's so easy for him!
I do squeal in excitement reading everyone's BFP posts! It gets me excited that someone else is having a baby. But I'm totally not ready for that.
Best luck to all.

Um. I would kill him. SO not okay.

MamaNelly2312 · June 2013

Jessie11LU:
neuderke:
Unfortunately I feel like I'm becoming a regular at the pharmacy counter asking for PLan B since DH doesn't like rubbers and BC makes me crazier than I already am. Since DH wants #2 he thinks it's ok to finish his 'deed' without giving
I know condoms totally ruin the mood! I wish I could be an irresponsible teen again. Perhaps you should do some research on non-hormone birth control and quit using plan b as your birth control. Newsflash sunshine, it's not birth control. But I suppose if you were a tad more intelligent you would know that.

Welcome to J12 by the way!

Oh - we do the 'fantastic' pull out method 99% of the time. But typically once every other month I'm at the pharmacy.

Maybe this is a little TMI - but we successfully did the pull out method for 5 years straight with no hiccups. I was on BC about 2 month before and after my wedding. The week I'm off it BAM BFP.

Anyhoo -- I'm about to call my gyno to schedule an appt to talk about getting some goods.

MamaNelly2312 · June 2013

neuderke:
Unfortunately I feel like I'm becoming a regular at the pharmacy counter asking for PLan B since DH doesn't like rubbers and BC makes me crazier than I already am. Since DH wants #2 he thinks it's ok to finish his 'deed' without giving me a warning. Phh men.
So we of course had the discussion about when the 2nd LO should be coming around and I was like NO WAY not until 2015 (hopefully). He is ready for a 2014 baby...yeah right. Of course he's all for a second child! it's so easy for him!
I do squeal in excitement reading everyone's BFP posts! It gets me excited that someone else is having a baby. But I'm totally not ready for that.
Best luck to all.

Sorry! I didn't mean plan B WAS my BC plan!! Didn't mean it to be taken literally. Sorry!

Kdoy705 · June 2013

megs52881:
ThePinkSuperhero:
No spring chicken? Pfffffft! You're, what, 17, 18?
16. But, I have heard that after 15 it is all down hill.
I am 32 and was hoping to start trying next spring which would make me almost 34 when I had the baby. I only say this because if age wasn't an issue I would be one of those ladies that got pregnant when their child was 4 so when they had their new baby their other kid was in kindergarten all day. I never got this theory until now. Genius. Pure genius.

SHOOT!!! I'm going to hit 32 on July 30 - so these same thoughts are running through my head. UGH. I feel like I have just recovered for the most part from the first one - I need a year of no pregnancy and no breastfeeding before I get up the nerve to consider diving in again.

britbratjf · June 2013

You are not alone! My pregnancy was really easy [no morning sickness, no swelling, no heartburn, only gained 25lbs] and I had a scheduled csection [due to baby size]. I didn't hate the newborn stage and while Dagny isn't the easiest baby in the world she's not super high maintenance [she would have been returned if I dealt with your sleep issues!!]. But overall this whole motherhood thing is way HARDER than I thought it would be. I love my kid but just cannot imagine dealing with a newborn too. I need longer to let her become more independent and get into preschool!

So I give all the ladies on here props for doing 2u2 but I think some people are better equipped to deal with that too. Me, I would lose my mind!

Pandril19 · June 2013

I'm another of the not ready girls. Despite the fact that I really didn't have any issues with pregnancy, l&d, recovery or Elissa. I'm just not ready to add another baby into the mix. I always wanted my kids 4 years apart, but I also always thought I'd be having my first when I was 27. Since I was 33 instead, I'll probably look to have them more around 2.5-3 years apart. I think I might be ready then.

megs52881 · June 2013

Thanks for all the responses girls they really do help me just to see where other people are about this. Obviously what people write won't make me never have another baby or have one tomorrow, but it is nice to hear different scenarios.

Reilly626 · June 2013

I think your points are really valid. You have to do what is right for you. GL

reinedecajun · June 2013

neuderke:
Unfortunately I feel like I'm becoming a regular at the pharmacy counter asking for PLan B since DH doesn't like rubbers and BC makes me crazier than I already am. Since DH wants 2 he thinks it's ok to finish his 'deed' without giving me a warning. Phh men. So we of course had the discussion about when the 2nd LO should be coming around and I was like NO WAY not until 2015 hopefully. He is ready for a 2014 baby...yeah right. Of course he's all for a second child! it's so easy for him!nbsp; I do squeal in excitement reading everyone's BFP posts! It gets me excited that someone else is having a baby. But I'm totally not ready for that.nbsp;Best luck to all.nbsp; nbsp;

Uh wow that's pretty craptastic.

snickersforeveryone · June 2013

neuderke:
neuderke:
Unfortunately I feel like I'm becoming a regular at the pharmacy counter asking for PLan B since DH doesn't like rubbers and BC makes me crazier than I already am. Since DH wants #2 he thinks it's ok to finish his 'deed' without giving me a warning. Phh men.
So we of course had the discussion about when the 2nd LO should be coming around and I was like NO WAY not until 2015 (hopefully). He is ready for a 2014 baby...yeah right. Of course he's all for a second child! it's so easy for him!
I do squeal in excitement reading everyone's BFP posts! It gets me excited that someone else is having a baby. But I'm totally not ready for that.
Best luck to all.

Sorry! I didn't mean plan B WAS my BC plan!! Didn't mean it to be taken literally. Sorry!

This does not address why your husband thinks it's OK for him to pull that stunt, multiple times. That's a betrayal of your trust and could be considered a form of abuse.

You shouldn't have to resort to Plan B "every other month." Talk to your doc about non-hormonal BC, or tell your husband it's condoms or no sex.

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