wedding ceremony attendance — The Bump
October 2012 Moms

wedding ceremony attendance

I commented to two coworkers how I might skip the church ceremony of another coworker and just go to reception. A very common thing among my family/friends. Last wedding I went to, 20 or 30 people at church ceremony and 150 people at reception. they both thought that was rude and that attending the ceremony is 'mandatory' if you go to the reception. I stick by my beliefs, that it's not rude if I don't go, sometimes I just don't have all day to give to the bride/groom, ie if they have a 2pm ceremony and a 6pm reception.

What is your opinion? Rude or not rude? If it matters, I've never missed the ceremony of a good friend/very close family. Just, often the rest of them.
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Re: wedding ceremony attendance

  • Chiming in...

    I think it's rude.  The whole point of a wedding is for two people to get married, which happens during the ceremony.  The people think you're special enough to witness that so you should be there for that. 

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  • I would never skip out on a ceremony without letting the bride or groom know head of time unless, god forbid, a last minute emergency, which hasn't happened but would assume is understandable.

    Honestly, sometimes I am just going to party, haha. I just don't always have all day to give to them, like MBM said, when there's gaps. I dunno, whatever. It's apparently normal for weddings I've been too, because the 10ish church ceremonies I've been to out of going to maybe 30 receptions, there was NEVER more than maybe 50 people at a church ceremony and still 100 at the reception. So clearly I'm not the only one.

    For clarity, I'm talking about 1 or 2pm church ceremonies with a 6pm reception somewhere completely different. If there is an on site ceremony at 530 and a reception at 6, I will make every effort to be there at 530.
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  • Sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear, but I agree with the the PP. To me, it seems like if someone came to my reception but not the ceremony all they want are free dinner and some drinks. But that's just me.
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  • I think it depends on how close I am to the bride and groom and how much time is between the two and if the ceremony and reception are at different locations.

    But in the end, I'd still probably want to go to both. If it were my wedding and a bunch of guests showed up just for the reception it would bother me.

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  • Rude.  But, it is nothing compared to when people RVSP that they will be there and you PAY for their plate, and then they either blow off the whole day, or just the reception.

     

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  • I see it as rude as well, especially if the reception is directly following the ceremony. Now, in your example, that is a little more understandable.
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  • imagejessilynnwilliams:
    Sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear, but I agree with the the PP. To me, it seems like if someone came to my reception but not the ceremony all they want are free dinner and some drinks. But that's just me.


    Free dinner? I always give cash or a check as a gift, typically 150 to 200. I hardly call that a free dinner.
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  • hs10hs10 member

    I personally do not feel comfortable going to the reception if I didn't go to the ceremony even I had a legitimate reason for not going to the ceremony.  I missed one ceremony because of the LSATS and still went to the reception and it felt really weird.

    I know this is a different situation as OP, but I find it EXTREMELY rude to bail on the reception if you've rsvp'd yes and haven't told the couple otherwise.  15 people "no showed/no called" for our wedding.

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  • I think it's rude if you don't have a good reason. I have a wedding next month and the bride would NOT want a baby making any noise...so I won't go to the ceremony. I don't have a babysitter there and I think not going is less rude than bringing Eddie.

    ETA I also think it SO rude to not show up when you've RSVP'd yes...and especially if you don't send a gift. Other than that situation, I would not expect any gift. But if I just paid hundreds of dollars for your family to come to my wedding and you didn't even show up, you better send a nice gift with a little apology! I still get frusrated about a certain family that did this to me. Actually, like 15ish people did this and it was such a waste of money and food.
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  • nealblnealbl member
    imagembm1983:
    We do the same with family/friends. or sometimes we just go to the ceremony and can't make the reception. We try to go to both but if you have other commitments that day sometimes you just can't. ETA: it's only rude if you don't let them know in advance. for instance, they pay by plate usually at the reception so if you are just gonna ditch it that's wasted money for the bride/groom's part. nbsp;i think it's rude to have your reception HOURS after your ceremony if you expect your guests to go to both.


    Really? It is pretty common around here to have early ceremony and later reception. Wedding party usually books a limo and drives around to take pictures and then goes to reception. Now both sides of our family provided a house for everyone to go to during the in between but no everyone does that. It's pretty standard here
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  • nealblnealbl member
    We Had a few people who could only attend reception and it didn't bother me. People have busy lives and while I thought my wedding was the most important thing in the world it wasn't to others! I was happy they came at all.
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  • I could care less. If someone couldn't make it to one or the other so be it. If they didn't WANT to attend my ceremony that would seem strange but again, that's fine with me. I had a small wedding so everyone I invited I was pretty sure wanted to be there.
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