Dealing with Resentment
klm03013
member
As a bit of an intro, I recently have gone through a missed miscarriage. For a few weeks, I had felt like something was wrong. Sunday, I had a very slight amount of spotting but went to the hospital anyway where an ultrasound confirmed that even though I should have been 12 weeks along, the baby was only measuring 8 weeks and had no heartbeat. I had my D&C on Tuesday and today I am back at work, but having a difficult time concentrating and controlling my emotions.
Suddenly, I can't stand the thought of being around my mother. She and I have a very close relationship and I know what I am going through is hurting her, too but I can't help but feel a slight bit resentful. She had pushed me into announcing to our family before I felt ready to because she couldn't wait any longer. She said that if I didn't tell them, she would. I sat through family parties where everyone was so excited, and in my heart at the time I was scared because I thought something was wrong.
Once I found out about the miscarriage, she wanted to come over right away. That day. I said no and that I wanted to be with my husband and that was it. She insisted on coming the next day and it was with difficulty that I kept her away the day of the D&C. She keeps calling and telling me what she thinks I should do to feel better- what day I should go back to work, that I need to get out of the house, go to dinner with my husband, make plans for the fourth of July, etc.
I guess I just feel a little smothered and bothered that she thinks she can tell me how to grieve and mourn. I am also a slight bit resentful that she forced me into announcing before I was ready- it is making things more difficult now. I know that she has the best intentions and that she is saddened by the loss as well and wants me to feel better, so I also feel guilty about wanting to distance myself. We normally get together at least once or twice a week and I just can't stand the thought of doing that right now.
Did anyone else experience something like this after going through a miscarriage? How did you get over your feelings of anger or resentfulness?
Sorry so long.
Re: Dealing with Resentment
Began trying for a baby January 2012
BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013
BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013
BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014
BFP #1: 6/25/09 EDD 2/13/10 @ 6 weeks- Saw HB @ 9 weeks - DS born 2/11/10 (39w5d)
BFP #2: 2/20/13 EDD 11/4/13 - Saw HB 3/19/13 (7w2d) - MMC discovered 4/13/13 (10w5d) - Est. loss @ 9w3d - D&C 4/14/13
BFP #4: 9/10/14 (3w6d) EDD 5/21/15 - natural MC 9/23/14 @ 5w5d
BFP #5: 11/23/14 (3w3d) EDD 8/4/15 - Please be our Rainbow!
I'm sorry for your loss.
I went through a situation like this with my MIL. She kept calling and wanting to come over but I just didn't want the company. I only wanted to be with my H. I'm still struggling with being around others and even missed out on celebrating Father's Day because I haven't been ready to "face" anyone.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way that everything works out!