Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Tess024
member
Re: Can you choose C-section?
To answer your question. Yes some doctors will perform voluntary csections. Unless you have a medical reason for wanting one you will need to just call around and ask.
That said. If you are squeamish at the thought of a vaginal birth and feel that a csection would be easier for you be sure to research the topic. Vaginal births are painful in the moment. If you have tearing you may have some minor pain after. With a csection your abdominal muscles have been cut. So something as simple as sitting up in your hospital bed to pick up your baby for a feeding can be excruciating. I had a csection and had an amazing recovery. It still hurt like a mother for over a week.
I am not judging you for wanting a csection. You have to choose what is best for you. Just research the additional risk involved. Also, check out hypnobirthing. It really helps you get past that initial "Holy crap I am gonna push a baby out of my vagina!" freak out. Whatever you choose to do I hope you have a great experience! GL!
**DD1 - 7/9/98**
**DS - 11/9/00**
**DD2 - 4/30/13**
Some doctors do c-section on demand but having had a c-section I highly recommend against it. The recovery period for a c-section is 4-6 weeks, for a vaginal birth it's one week. During the recovery period you cannot drive, you cannot lift anything over the weight of the baby, and you are trying to care for a baby and dealing with sleep deprivation while recovering from major surgery. Your scar can hurt for months afterwards, you can also have numbness in the abdominal area that lasts for months. For the first few days coughing is a special kind of torture.
Also, while I can't speak for other women, I have found that some people (who haven't had one) seem to think a c-sections are no big deal since they are done so often and expect you to bounce back right away.
This is harsh but I agree. While I feel that people have the right to have a voice in their method of birth, a c/s is MAJOR surgery. Putting yourself and your baby at higher risk for no reason doesn't seem right to me. A C-section exsists for situations in which it is the safer method. If it's not, I don't think it is the right thing to do.
But it is true that most insurance companies won't cover an elective c/s because it costs 4 times as much (and there are many possible complications that could come up with surgery that they'd then have to cover.)
This exactly.
Never in my life would I rec. anyone choosing to have a c section just because they don't want a vaginal delivery.
I ended up with one and it was by far the worst 3 months pp of my life. 2w pp I had a bad infection that kept me in the hospital for 18days and 2 surgeries. After the hospital I had 36days of wound vac therapy (google it). That was the worst thing to ever have to go through. Having that foam ripped out 3 times a week and not being able to take pain medication for it.. I cried and cried during changes..
Please rethink this.
I think the issue is that some people think that it is "easy". That there will be no pain because of the epidural and pain meds and everything will just be a breeze. I also feel that because c-sections are so common people don't realize they are major surgery.
My concern for the OP is also what if she regrets the c-section? I didn't want a c-section but failed to progress after being induced for gestational hypertension. My entire pregnancy I said I wanted a vaginal birth but if a c-section was what it took for my baby to be ok I was fine with it. I was wrong. I'm not fine with the c-section. I question every single thing that happened from the first time my bp spiked into the danger zone till they sewed me up.
I'm glad it worked out well for you. You made the choice that you felt was best for you. You also had a lot more information than the average pregnant woman has and were able to make a truly informed decision. But like you said you are in the minority and the OP should consider that most people are saying that it was a negative experience.
I ended up with a c/s after 3 and a half hours of pushing. Even though I was totally exhausted and my entire body sore and worn out, I would've rather pushed another two hours than have the c/s. Yes it's a harder recovery physically but the mental and emotional game afterwards is what got me. It was hard to wrap my mind around the whole situation and as my husband described it, women have a biological need to deliver a baby the natural way whether we feel it or not and being cut open is not natural. There is just so much to consider beyond the physical aspects.
TTC #1 since 3/2011
DX: anovulatory and severe MFI
DH is a testicular cancer survivor
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ER 6/15/12 6R 6M 6F! ET 6/20/12
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Baby Boy born 3/1/2013
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FET #1 10/15/14 - Beta #1: 216 Beta #2: 823
Baby Boy born 7/10/2015
Unexplained Infertility
After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!
TTC #2
After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!
You can but I wouldn't. The risk for both baby and mother increases. Plus recovery is a PITA.
I had an emergency c-section. I do not regret it because my son was in distress and needed out. I have not mourned a natural birth (though some do). I'm happy that it turned out well for him...that was my main concern. However, I wish I could have been with him following the surgery instead I was stuck in recovery for 30 minutes. Then I had trouble moving around because I was in pain. If it would have worked out for us to go the natural route then I would have.
Ditto. There are risks to you and baby with a C section. Please reconsider.
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
How dare some one flame you. I hope they don't. Women judging someone is awful. I am choosing a c section for my second due to an awful 8 week recovery and additional surgery needed after my first vaginal birth. Not everyone has an 'easy/easier' recovery from a vaginal birth! And the OP was asking if it was possible. The honest answer should be "depending on your soc and insurance" and that's it. People are so judgmental.
thanks for sharing your story!
I have had 2 C-sections. My first after being in labor for 27 hours and pushing for 2 before my daughter went into distress and I needed a emergency C-section. Labor was hell, I was in huge amounts of pain, my epidural did not take, but the fact of having to have an emergency C-section under general took me way over edge. I would not wish a C-section on anyone. My recovery while painful, was pretty standard.
My second C-section was planned after I found out my son was frank breech, he did turn eventually by 38 weeks. However I had to make my decision to VBAC or have a C-section by 32 weeks. Being that he was frank breech I had no choice. My recovery this time was terrible. I bled longer, had an emergency room visit due to severe pain, had troubles sleeping, could not do anything other than lift my baby and sit on the couch (including driving) for not 4-6 weeks but 15 weeks.
Given a choice (which I no longer have) I would never choose a C-section. Not only because it is major surgery and it stinks to the core, but because it is limiting my ability to have the number of children my DH and I would like to have. Sure there are woman out there that have 4+ C-sections no issues at all, but there are plenty of woman who have had major issues from the surgery including death.
You should give birth how you want to. Honestly, I think everyone should be able to choose how they give birth. In the end you have to do the recovering and the baby raising at the same time so be very sure of your choice. Just don't go into it thinking its easier and safer. Everything has a risk.
If this is about being squeamish at the thought of pushing anything out of your vagina; then maybe you should have thought it through before anything went into your vagina.
I don't think anyone is telling OP that she can't decide for herself what's best. But OP did come to a c/s board asking for opinions. Aside from one person I know, no one I've spoken to who has had a c/s would choose it if it wasn't medically necessary for mom and/or baby.
I am three weeks postpartum following an unplanned c/s (preceded by 57 hours of induced labor). The recovery isn't pleasant. My biggest regret is not being able to hold and breastfeed our daughter until several hours after her birth. They offered to let me do these things in recovery, but I was far too drugged and out of it. I felt so shaky and the thought of trying to hold her made me very nervous.
Along that same line, it was very difficult for me to care for her especially in the first week. I couldn't bend over to pick her up or put her down. I couldn't make it upstairs into her nursery for a week. My husband did most of the nighttime feedings because I was in a lot of pain. I feel cheated a bit in that I simply wasn't able to enjoy the first couple of weeks with her.
So, if I had a choice, would I choose a c/s? An emphatic no. But in my case, it was medically necessary and I've been told that if we're fortunate enough to have a second baby, it must be via planned c/s.
Baby boy Henry born 2015.
Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
If you are willing to pay out of pocket, have at it. Otherwise elective surgeries paid for by insurance drive up the cost for everyone through higher premiums. Insurance is not "free"
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
No flames. You should be able to chose. I have given birth both ways and each has its positives and negatives. Both have risks. You have to do what is right for you and you should discuss it with your doctor.
Ditto PPs. Drives me nuts when people say this. I know some women really want to experience a vaginal birth, but for my part, I don't really care what natural or artificial orifice my babies came out of; it doesn't make me any less a woman and a mother either way.
OP, my recovery from my c-sections was pretty good and I am glad I was able to choose an RCS for my second one, but the risks, while minimal either way, are somewhat higher for a c/s. If you are anxious about vaginal birth, I suggest taking childbirth classes and perhaps hiring a doula (I would have looked for a doula if I'd decided to do a VBAC for #2). I think PPs have a good point that c-sections cost more and elective primary c-sections are not/should not necessarily be covered by insurance, especially with insurance and medical costs increasing for everyone.
This
I agree with this. I had two c/s, both scheduled for different reasons. I do not regret either of them and feel no loss whatsoever. I had relatively easy recoveries and both babies were fine.
That said, it was STILL major surgery and still pretty painful. With both, I had my mom stay with me a week after coming home from the hospital to help around the house with regular every day things. I felt ok, but some stuff I just couldn't do. I couldn't sleep in my own bed until both kids were almost 2 weeks old.
I fully believe it should be your choice and won't judge anyone for doing it, but know what you're getting into.
I elected for my C-section and I'm no less of a parent for it. The recovery was a breeze. I was up and walking that afternoon, of pain meds in 4 days. I'd choose it over a vaginal birth any day.
Make your own decision. Do what is right for your body and mind. If anyone says anything negative to you, tell them to screw themselves.
I elected not to breast feed either. My kid is just fine.
I requested my first child be delivered by csection. I worked as a nurse tech on a Mother Baby floor while attending college. I had seen the good and bad for both. My OB gave me no issues with my choice. My body, my choice.
I had absolutely no pain other than in my neck muscles from having a bad case of the shakes in the OR. I actually got myself up 2 hrs later with my Mom's assistance to clean up. Tylenol and Advil worked perfectly for pain management. I had a wonderful delivery and recovery.
That being said, I did hate missing that bonding time right after her birth while I was in recovery and she in the nursery. Its your choice and don't let anyone make you feel less of a mother or woman for it.
Well, feel free to tell your HUSBAND that this woman had no issue with her c/s. I find it odd that a man is telling you your biological needs. According to my husband, your husband sounds like a loon.
Hello Everyone! (I'm the OP)
Thank you so much for your advice!
After looking at everyone's responses, I have re-thought the idea. I originally wanted it because I thought it was easier, I didn't want everything to get all stretched out (very selfish, but I really don't!), and I don't plan on breast feeding, so if I can't after surgery, it won't really apply.
I think the bigger issue is I don't feel connected to my baby yet, so I really have no idea how I feel about either method... but that's a story for another board.
Definitely consulting with my doctor.
THANKS!!!!
For the record, it goes back to normal after the 6 weeks PP period.
My daughter was delivered by emergency C/S when her heart stopped after 26 hours of labor. (it was a high risk pregnancy). This baby is going to be delivered by RCS (more high-risk issues, labor could be life-threatening). I wouldn't choose a cesarean. I was hoping for a VBAC until we learned of the problems we are having this time.
Why would you want a major surgery?? So many riskes to you and your baby. I also agree that any doc who will do one and you have no meeical reasons is nuts. I really am getting tired of this question to be honest. I had no choice but to have one for all sort sof medical reasons. My bad hips being the first one. And not everyone just bounces back from major surgery.
And to add since it is major surgery and anything at any time can go wrong......but having my doctor explain the risks to my husband and then asking him who tomsafe god forbid something went wrong in the OR was not an awesome time for him.....
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First time mom here. Mostly a lurker and feel compelled to post to this thread.
I loved everything about my c section. I felt ready to workout at 2 weeks pp, I took myself off pain meds the day I came home from the hospital. I never had any abnormal pain or bleeding. I was fully cleared by my doc for all activity (sex, exercise, everything else) at 6 weeks. I'm almost 4 months PP now and even though things didn't go the way I had expected (12 hours of labor + 3 hrs of pushing + failed epidural + general anesthesia), I absolutely would do it over again in a heartbeat.
I realize my story is not necessarily normal, and I am in the minority here for two reasons: 1) because I loved my c section and will happily have another one when we go for #2, and 2) because I apparently must have a disproportionately high number of friends who have had bad vaginal deliveries: my address book is filled with stories of 3rd degree tears, bodies never being the same, ruined sex lives, loss of sensation 9 years later, incontinence, etc.
I'm not a candidate for a VBAC and I wouldn't want one anyway. I've lost 50 lbs since delivery because I was able to be active at 6 weeks (gained 30, was 40 lbs overweight prior to pregnancy), my sex life is better than ever, I never had any vaginal pain, and my baby is thriving and amazing. I couldn't drive for two weeks -- big whup, didn't feel like going anywhere anyway, and that's a way my husband was able to really add value during those early days of breastfeeding at all hours.
Have frank conversations with your doctor about your reasons and your fears and let him/her tell you what they think. A doctor is not always a "quack" if they offer a c section to somebody who wants one.. Much like all other aspects of health care, you have to be your own advocate and stand up / speak up for what you want.
And lastly -- DON'T LET ANYBODY MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOUR CHOICE.
Best of luck!
Oh, and PS :if you were worried about breastfeeding post C-section... I'll show you the 200+ oz of frozen breastmilk in my freezer just to drive home the point that my milk came in just fine. :-)
I wouldn't choose to have a major surgery if it wasn't necessary. Having said that, I disagree with this:
I'm sorry that you had a hard time dealing with your c-section emotionally and felt sad that you couldn't have a vaginal delivery, mnj05, and that's a legitimate thing for you to feel. But you feeling it doesn't make it a universal truth for all women. It's not a "biological need." I was sad when my OB first told me that she thought a c-section was the best option for my baby 24+ hours after my water broke with little to no progression, but I honestly was completely, 100% over it the second my son was handed to me. I haven't experienced a single moment of grief or loss over it since that moment, and having gone through it once, I would be perfectly fine with it emotionally if I needed to have a c-section for my second (although I will try for a VBAC because the restrictions on lifting and recovery from surgery will be difficult when I have a toddler running around.)
I agree 100 it doesn't make u any less of a mother if it's vaginal or not. I too chose cs bc I didn't want any of the complications that come with a vd Any complication I would be the one experiencing them.
I also didn't breast feed... I don't think I would be 100 eating healthy enough to pass the best nutrients to my baby.
My son was born very healthy and continued to be so. I'm now 2 weeks before my 2nd sc n it will also go smoothly well planned and executed. I rather know what when where n how than worry about the unexpected.
Good luck to all mommies n their decisions!!
This ! I was just told yesterday by my friends .. Who had 2 CSs and she said insurance may make YOU pay for it!
I have a family medical history and although I do not have symptoms I plan on discussing w my OBGYN if CSECTION is an option , the. I plan to contact my insurance to see where they stand.
Best of Luck on your decision.