Third-Party Repro Check-In!

2MamazInSeattle · June 2013

This weekly check-in is for anyone using/considering or who has used a 3rd party method of reproduction, including: Donor egg, donor sperm, embryo adoption, gestation carrier, or surrogate - also Donors, GC's and surrogates as well!

Check-In Week of June 24th
- Please share your current status and any new developments
- QOTW: If you had a piece of advice for someone else considering taking the 3rd party reproduction route, or, for TTC in general, what would it be?

What a great check-in last week! Lots going on, and definitely some frustration, worries and fears for a lot of us. Glad we are all here for each other.

Special congrats to our BFP APutter05 who got the good news on Father's day after doing a DS IUI!!! And, lots of luck and everything crossed for BabyVDM on July 2nd!!!

Welcome!
klaganza ? Welcome!! Intro post here. ((Hugs))
Hugs to all! Lots going on for many of us, hang in there everyone

New BFPs! #Aputter05 ? DS IUI on 5/30/13 ? BFP on Father?s Day!!! CONGRATS! Currently Cycling/Scheduled
#BabyVDM ? DE FET#1 ? scheduled July 2^nd!!!! GL!FX!
%Ceemonkey - DE/DS IVF#3 scheduled for ~July 12th *2MamazInSeattle ? DE/DS FET#1 scheduled for July 18^th#Brooklynesque ? DE IVF#1 scheduled for July 24th#LittleLady77 ? Fresh DE; IVF expected mid-late July! #Lacyj67 ? DE IVF#1 ER in July and FET on 9/3/13. Waiting to Cycle
#MrsT4 ? DE FET#1 ? waiting on AF for calendar. #DoublePortion ? Embryo Adoption; waiting for availability. #Liz4Paws ? Embryo Adoption; 5 Embryos Officially Adopted!! FET ~Aug.
#Sammer 818 ? Gestational Carrier; working on finding a surrogate.
#Km672 ? Fresh DE/DS; waiting for donor availability.
#BeckyP005 ? Fresh DE; waiting for donor availability. #Stinkerbell6879 ? DE ? saving up $ to start a second (shared) cycle. #klaganza ? DE - In process of choosing egg donor.
% Katie_71208 ? DE ? On waiting list for donor.
%Firesiren ? DS ? FET planned for fall timeframe.
*Ladyrader0227 ? DE FET after reduction of BMI ~Aug/Sept. *KateBee ? Gest. Surrogate ? Waiting on a match.
Meljam13 ? Using traditional surrogate (using OS) after Oct.
Jen12573 ? BFN ((hugs)) in May. Next steps TBD. Pregnant!
AmCheri ? DE ? EDD 6/16/13 ? Girl!
*JM1977 ? DE/DS ? EDD 10/9/13 ? Boy!
Firefly062 ? DS - EDD 10/10/13 ? Boy!
IndianaSunshine ? DE ? EDD 11/20/13 ? Boy!
#Melkel559 ? DS ? EDD 12/10/13 ? Gender ?
%Happywifemomofone ? DE ? EDD 12/23/13 ? Gender ?
*Kaf8278 ? DE ? EDD 12/31/13 ? Gender ?
#Moonaggie ? DE ? EDD 1/2/14 ? Gender ?
#Jms1374 ? Embryo Adoption ? EDD 1/14/14
*Strunella ? DE ? EDD TBD (5 weeks as of 5/28/13)
Udc22 ? DE ? EDD TBD ? Twins!! #Aputter05 ? DS IUI on 5/30/13 ? EDD TBD. Parenting
#WeBelieveInMagic ? 10-month-old son from DS + a 3-yr-old bio son
Jcath ? 20-month-old identical twin girls from DE + 2 bio sons
*JM1977 ? 21-month-old DD from DE/DS (also currently pregnant)
*Strudel82 ? 1 year-old DD twins from DE (also currently GC) Hooliface ? 1 year-old DD from DE Donors/GC?s/Surrogates
#Strudel82 ? GC - 7 weeks along as of 6/10. EDD 1/15/14
#ArgleBride ? Egg Donor ? Psyche eval 6/21! Considering Third Party
%poohniki ? DS and/or DE are on the table. Kflynn81 ? Final OE cycle June/July 2013. DE possible if BFN.
GetwickMom ? Hoping to cycle with DH?s OS; DS being considered. #=Latest Check-in week of 6/17 %= Latest Check-in week of 6/9 *= Latest Check-In week of 6/3

firesiren · June 2013

I'm still hanging out. I'm trying to get less fluffy. Boy, did I get fluffy after this last treatment

QOTW: I want to see everyone succeed SOOOooo.....

Learn everything you can about your diagnosis and treatment.

Check SART data.

Don't expect your doctor to tell you everything.

Be your own advocate.

Ask questions. Whether it be here, your RE, or his nurses. Ask away.

This isn't going to be easy. Infertility is a dirty fighter and you're gonna need to strong.

2MamazInSeattle · June 2013

Well I did it - I added the July Firefly badge to my siggy! With that, some good news, finally...

Our Egg Donor's chromosome karyotyping came back normal!
My ovarian cyst/enlarged ovary looks about the same as it did a year ago
I was cleared for no kidney stones!
I'm on day 5 of Lupron, suppression check slated for Thursday
Got AF today
FET still on for July 18th!
Still waiting on one last blood clotting factor test I had, but I'm expecting good results. Worst case is having to medicate if I get pregnant. Not a blocker!

I'm trying to be positive in light of all the standard/expected woes of IF, FETs and post-loss TTC efforts. Doing ok with that actually - just taking it one day at a time.

QOTW: I think my best advice is to be patient and trust the process as best you can. Do all the homework you can to be informed, and let go of the idea that you are in control of much of any of it. Once you just roll with it, it gets easier to do the patience and trust thing I have found!

firesiren · June 2013

2MamazInSeattle:
Well I did it - I added the July Firefly badge to my siggy! With that, some good news, finally...
Our Egg Donor's chromosome karyotyping came back normal!
My ovarian cyst/enlarged ovary looks about the same as it did a year ago
I was cleared for no kidney stones!
I'm on day 5 of Lupron, suppression check slated for Thursday
Got AF today
FET still on for July 18th!
Still waiting on one last blood clotting factor test I had, but I'm expecting good results. Worst case is having to medicate if I get pregnant. Not a blocker!
I'm trying to be positive in light of all the standard/expected woes of IF, FETs and post-loss TTC efforts. Doing ok with that actually - just taking it one day at a time.
QOTW: I think my best advice is to be patient and trust the process as best you can. Do all the homework you can to be informed, and let go of the idea that you are in control of much of any of it. Once you just roll with it, it gets easier to do the patience and trust thing I have found!

Yay!!!!! That's great news!!!! Congrats on getting started FX!!

happywifemomofone · June 2013

2mamaz-Yay for being a July firefly!! GL to you!!.....I think July is going to be a big month on this board.

Please share your current status and any new developments- Nothing new here. Anxiously awaiting next OB appt, which is still almost 3 wks away. Got pushed back to 5 weeks to I could have Quad screen at same appt. Seriously considering purchasing home Doppler, but scared that I won't be able to find HB and will panic.

- QOTW: If you had a piece of advice for someone else considering taking the 3rd party reproduction route, or, for TTC in general, what would it be?

Take things one day at a time.

Do your homework.

Find a RE that you like and trust to work with, if yours is not-find a new one!

Be open to thing that your previously had not thought of if suggested by RE (ie-DE, DS, surrogate. It might be different from how you thought things might be, but choosing the suggested route might save you a lot of heartache.

Find support. IF is not easy and is not openly talked about in our society. Find others who understand what you are going through and are willing to provide support.

Lacyj67 · June 2013

Update: got all the paperwork signed tonight. Have our amount that we have to send so I will wait a little closer to july 22nd turn in date for that check lol! Its ALOT!! But thanks to the shared cycle not as much as I thought we would have to pay out.

Im so curious of what and how my donor is feeling. From what I was told she should be on Lupron now and start stims july 2nd. Im ready to get this show on the road and at times it feels like its going so slow but lately I feel like...where has june gone! its almost over!

Glad to see everyone is doing well and had great advice for qotd!!

- QOTW: If you had a piece of advice for someone else considering taking the 3rd party reproduction route, or, for TTC in general, what would it be?

Only thing I can add that some hasn't said is go into it with a open mind. Know what you want to get out of this experience and even though it may suck having IF problems ,I have seen so many success stories on this board and through other friends that Be a little excited. Its ok...to get get your hopes up because we can all believe after this crazy sometimes really crappy time in our lives we will come out on the other side as a mom!!!

BabyVDM · June 2013

Yeah 2Mamas! So glad you're cleared and ready to try again!

Status Updates:

Well, my city has been flooded for 3 or 4 days. I have displaced friends living with me as they have been evacuated from their homes. I'm up on a hill and staying dry but my work is in the floodzone, as is my condo which I am trying to sell. My friends went down to their homes to have a look around at damage and pick up some things. Their power and water is still off so they will be here for a few more days.

I'm not too effected, but I'm starting to get a little concerned as I have 2nd US on Wednesday and if I can't get to the clinic or it's closed due to the flood not sure what plan b will be. Also, running out of the thyroid meds, so hope I can get the rx transfered to another pharmacy.

DH and I have direct flights to Seattle for July 1st, but if the airport isn't open for some reason have decided to drive. Will be about 16 hours because of detours and the rockies.

Want to go down to help friends clean up and pump their houses, but I"m afraid of getting sick so close to the FET. I feel selfish, but given my history, it's bound to happen. Not sure what to do about it.

QOTW: If you had a piece of advice for someone else considering taking the 3rd party reproduction route, or, for TTC in general, what would it be?

My biggest regret was waiting for so long before I actually started to take the necessary steps to move forward with the DE process. Even though my RE told us that are best chance was DE I still tried naturally through 3 PG and subsequent losses. I wasted valuable time.

Best advice, start researching your options and really listen to what dr is telling you and the reason behind his diagnosis. Once you start looking at the available donor's and you find the right one, making the decision to move forward becomes so much easier.

I'm probably not making sense.

DoublePortion · June 2013

Still waiting... I left a voice mail for the RE's coordinator last Tuesday and haven't heard back. Boo!

QOTW: You guys have given lots of good advice! I can't think of anything to add to what's already been said!!

GetwickMom · June 2013

Hi and congrats to all!

I'll post my current status in a separate post because its a crappy situation.

My advice would be to allow yourself to mourn whatever dreams you might have had about how you would have a baby. Some nights I lie in bed and it just hits me that I'll never know what it's like to have a baby in my belly, or let DH feel it kick. When this happens I've stopped trying to "cheer myself up" and instead I've been saying to myself "this is a loss. It's okay to be sad about this. It's okay to feel angry. But my path to parenthood just is going to take a different route." I don't know about others, that's been really helpful to me.

Love this board!

klaganza · June 2013

Thank you for the warm welcome - I am grateful!

still in the process of choosing a donor. I have also gotten "fluffy" and feel really awful about it. Taking estrace 2x/day and then progesterone to give myself a period during the process of choosing donor egg. i like to think that thats the reason, but Im also an RN who works nights and therefore my eating schedule is not one bit normal. no excuses......i need to deal with this.

piece of advice......im in no position at all to be giving anyone advice lol. but i would suggest as well to learn as much as you can about your diagnosis. No one will ever fight for you as hard as you will fight for yourself. Also - make sure you take the time to deal with all the feelings that come with infertility. for me it took many years, and will continue to take time. but I have done some really hard work on myself to build confidence and have learned to love who i am deep down inside. I still remain my BIGGEST critic, but have made a conscious effort to be less so. To be receptive to the process and move past the feelings of sadness i think is a huge step in being accepting of our diagnoses.

liz4paws · June 2013

Hi ladies!

firesiren - GL on your fluff-fighting. I'm doing the same and it's been grueling!

2Mamaz - SO excited for all of this wonderful news! I'm counting down the days until your ET too. Keep us posted!

happywife - I hope the time passes quickly until your next appointment and it puts your mind at ease.

Lacy - I am so in awe at all of this happening for you so quickly. It's meant to be. I have a great feeling about your cycle!

BabyVDM - Yikes - the flooding sounds terrible. Glad to hear you're okay. Good luck at your next u/s.

DP: Argh, that's so frustrating! Try calling the clinic I told you about. Someone posted on my blog that they did a DEmbryo cycle there, and it made me wonder if their in-house program is rockin' and rollin' already! Worth a phone call.

GetWick - You are in such a tough situation. Sending you hugs....

klaganza - Good luck in your decision!

My status:

The embryologist from my lab told me last Wednesday that shipping our DEmbryos would take "a week or so". So I'm patiently watching the clock tick until Wednesday when I'll check in with her again. I'm frustrated because after waiting a couple of weeks to get the process started, she only started it on Wednesday when I reminded her. I also got denied for our preauthorization for our FET due to some really stupid reasons. I've also been fighting with the REs billing person who sat on it for 2 weeks and is notorious for not responding to the insurance companies requests. I could just scream that people are just sitting around when I think they are actually working. Thanks for hearing me vent a little. I really hope to get some kind of good news this week! Oh and I found out my 10 year old kitty likely has hyperthryroidism. That's much better than cancer or something untreatable, so I'm somewhat relieved!

QOTW:

Relish and celebrate every "win" you can. (i.e. a good lining appointment, your first PIO shot, etc)

Remember your spouse/partner. It's easy to just think of yourself and your pain, but unlike most other painful things in life that may affect one spouse more than the other, you're feeling the pain together, probably close to equally. Try to acknowledge their pain and sometimes even set yours aside to care for them. And they should do the same for you.

It does get easier. It's a process, and just like any other grief you do come to a point where you acknowledge this "new normal" and it's not nearly as life-sucking and breath taking as those first few weeks/month after learning of your diagnosis.

Never be afraid to question your doctor. Learn as much as you can, and if you don't feel good about their suggestions, don't hesitate to ask for an explanation. Doctors are human, they make mistakes. And no matter how awesome they are, you are always going to be your #1 advocate. I can tell you confidently that they don't go home every night thinking about your situation and what to do next - but YOU do.

There will still be days - no matter how far into this journey you are - that you will be knocked off your feet and think you can't get up again. Feel it, acknowledge it, but know that you will pick yourself up and move on. Even that worst-case scenario may occur, but you'll find you're stronger than you ever believed you are. You will surprise yourself with your strength. Be proud of yourself when you get through some of these real rough patches.

liz4paws · June 2013

moonaggie:
I love seeing so many of you all ramping up again for new cycles!! Can't wait to read updates!!
UPDATE: I got the results of my Maternit21 test back and the genetic screening all came back negative - huge relief!! Also found out we are Team Blue! Also I am officially in week 12 so that is a big deal for me. Have my first MFM appt tomorrow, which makes me nervous but also excited.
QOTW: So much good advice has already been posted. I would say first and foremost - educate yourself and be your own advocate!

Giant congrats on all fronts!!!!!!!

BeckyP005 · June 2013

Giant hugs for those that need them and there have been some great updates!!

Nothing new and I just wanted to say wow...the advice from everyone has been great! I jumped straight to DE so not sure what I could say that no one has said already. Good luck to all

faithita · June 2013

Hi everyone! This is my first check-in. Intro post is a little below this one.

As for updates, I finally have all my money ready to spend for this baby. This is a huge deal for us since we are OOP. Waiting on day 2 bloodwork repeat and SA. Then we are on the waiting list. Which the RE said is 1-3 months.

Advice... I am just soaking in all of your words of wisdom. Thank you.

brooklynesque · June 2013

Hi, ladies!! I had my baseline US and bloodwork today. All was fine. But I have to hold for a week on the Lupron before starting estrogen because my donor had to delay a week. Ugh. So I'll keep on hanging on until I start taking estrogen July 2.

The only advice that comes to mind is that it pays to be a little aggressive. I wish I had started fertility treatments earlier, done my second OE IVF cycle earlier, maybe even decided on DE earlier. I might have had a baby by now -- maybe well before now -- and not stuck in this phase of my life. Breaks are good within reason, but there's something to be said for keeping up the momentum. With donor gametes there is a lot to coordinate so it pays not to waste time.

Of course if you asked me on a different day my advice might be to take a lot of breaks, LOL.

MrsT4 · June 2013

I'm still in limbo/waiting mode, ugh! Can't wait for some progress...

As far as advice to others, I would say #1) Be your own advocate - don't be afraid to ask questions and question the "experts" if you feel there are issues that haven't been addressed or you want to try a different protocol, etc. #2) Don't be afraid to switch RE's - especially of you think your current one doesn't listen to you or isn't doing everything to help you and something a wise woman once told me #3) Believe in youself! - Having the best doctor may not make a difference if you don't believe in yourself.

ceemonkey · June 2013

GL to everyone cycling and (((hugs))) to those that need them!

Update: I have my lining check on Friday, and if it goes well I should find out my ET date the following Monday.

QOTW: take everything at your own pace, don't feel pressured to rush into a certain treatment or path until you're ready to do that.

jms1374 · June 2013

New with me: Not a whole lot is new. I started medication for my blood pressure that was sky-high last week and it seems to be working quite well. I see a cardiologist tomorrow for further testing just to make sure there are no other underlying issues. I did find out that my sister (who is due in August) has the same issue and is on the same medication even (which we had to fight for as I was originally prescribed a category C drug which I did not want to take). So I am feeling that this is more of a hereditary/pregnancy issue. I am just glad that we got it under control early and hopefully can prevent complications later on. I also found out something pretty amazing about my sister. She is expecting her 6th, is 40 years old, already has 2 grandchildren, and needless to say, was not planning to have more (she didn't even think she could). When she first found out that she was pregnant, she asked her boyfriend about letting my DH and I adopt the baby. He said no (then processed to cheat on her and leave), but just that she was willing to do that for us was so amazing. Luckily, it has, so far, worked out for us in that we were able to conceive through our donor embryos but it is still pretty impressive that she was willing to consider us to parent (and her kids helped pick out the name--using my husband's name as the middle name--just shows what a huge impact he has had on their lives since none of them have fathers around). QOTD: I have to agree with giving yourself time to grieve the loss of either carrying your own child or having bilogical child. Also, I highly encourage anyone using donors to willing to be open about it and make it less "taboo". I think with the growing number of children conceived via some form of donation, it is so important to educate people about this and make sure that our children grow up knowing that they are special, but not different.

Km672 · June 2013

Hey everyone,

Sorry I'm late to check in this week...I have had the work schedule from hell.

Congrats to everyone who is moving forward!! July is going to be crazy on this board!!

Moonaggie-congrats on team blue!! Wonderful news!

Liz- Hope your embies are on their way and arrive safely ASAP!

Update: I am very impatiently waiting for our schedule. Last week after we made the final payment I was told I would have it by the end of the week....well, that was a week ago and still no news. I was going to call, but have decided against it. I am going to assume all is well and they will call me when they have it figured out. I just don't feel like me calling is really going to speed anything up.

QOTW: I was ready to do donor embryos over a year ago, but my husband was not. My husband is a very traditional thinking man, while I am much more liberal.

I was not raised in a traditional family setting; my sisters and I were raised by my widowed father and one of my sisters is happily married to another woman. I feel family is truly about love and support and not genetics. I wish my husband had been ready a long time ago, but I feel that if we had not gone through everything we went through to get to this point, he would never have been ready or excited about using DE and DS.

I guess I would tell anyone who is struggling with the decision to try third party reproduction to be realistic. If you feel you need another cycle with your OE or OS to be at peace before moving onto DE or DS, do it. But, don't keep banging your head against the wall over and over if you can avoid this heartache.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but to me its always been about having a baby. I believe we will have the baby we were meant to have somehow.

ladyrader0227 · June 2013

Congrats for all of the good news on this chain!

My work has been nuts plus visiting family. My DE FET is still pending weight loss - I am 10 pounds down & counting. Pretty excited for my progress but also impatient to move forward with FET sooner than later.

My advice is similar to others - - educate yourself on diagnosis and options. Most of all - have faith!

poohniki · June 2013

Hello everyone!

So great to hear lots of people moving forward and the good news!

I just got off the phone with California Conceptions. I think that is going to have to be my last ditch effort. They can only promise a baby of the same race, which I get, but I think I'm still holding onto the dream of having my own biological baby. Until I am told I need to let that go, I can't even picture having a baby that may have nothing in common with me. My RE appt needed to be rescheduled, so its tomorrow afternoon. I think I'm still angry about the last cycle, but not knowing what my option are is making me feel hopeless. I started therapy last week, which I'm sure will help a lot.

QOTW: Educate yourself, it's the only way to go through this process without regrets.

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