Just venting

I had my dc yesterday. It was the worst experience ever!!!!

I had a mc 15 years ago with a dc and had no problems so I expected the same. The night before the procedure I started cramping in what felt like contractions. I have two children so I know what it feels like. After about 10 hours of this I started feeling the urge to push. By this time I was in the hospital waiting to get started on the dc. They kept giving me stuff in my Iv to calm me down I was in so much pain just about every min I was having a contraction and I finally started to push, I just couldn't stop myself. Finally the dr got there and the knocked me out to do the procedure. He said my cervics was fully dilated which made the procedure go smoother actually only took 6 min. My cervics was completely shut the day before the dc when we found out there was no longer a heartbeat. My dr actually thought I had plenty of time before my body tried to lose the baby.

I know I was only 10 weeks pregnant but that baby way real to me and alive. I had 3 ultrasounds with everything just fine. I just can't stop crying today thinking of every push I had yesterday. I was so scared I'd actually push it out and I didn't want to but I couldn't help it. I just want to crawl in a hole.

I'm sorry just needed to vent. I can't seem to talk to anyone right now because I get so upset.