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2nd Trimester
KariAnne1985
member
Just a question, for after birth....
KariAnne1985
member
So back story, I'll make it as short as possible 
My BF and I have been together almost 7 years, not engaged, I asked him to get married (would have been this Friday) but he's decided it's in our best interest to wait until after this wee one is born, ( do not get me started on this subject either!! ) we have a 3 year old son (who is the sweetest little monster in the world 
) I got pregnant on his 40th birthday (SURPRISE) completely unintentional, but kind of not. I'm 28, I'm good with only 2 kiddos, he's good with only 2 kiddos. We've talked about him getting snipped, but now he's talking about me getting tied. I've done some research and would not mind it at all, but still feel that HE should be the one to take care of business, considering it's no snot out of his nose while I'M the one who's been pregnant, given birth, etc.
Is it unreasonable of me to be a little irritated about him not wanting to get snipped but wanting me to go through the procedure of getting tied? I'm an over thinker so this could be one of those instances...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just a question, for after birth....
VERY irritated!!
I wish we could "like" things on here like Facebook!! I'm using this as my argument!!
Yep. Even with a c/s, your recovery will be more difficult if you get a tubal.
I would say he really should get snipped. But me and DH are in this boat, I am afraid 3 years down the road I will decide I want kid number 4. And getting tied is very hard to reverse, where as a snip job is much easier to reverse. But he is afraid it will effect his ability in bed.... which it wont but he is a guy and I don't think he likes the idea of his good not being good.... lol. So he wants me to get tied which I probably am going to have a c section(I have already had one and had some complications) and my doctor does not like to tie tubes at all...
DH and I always had this exact same conversation...until we found out he had azoospermia and it was a mute point.
Yes, a vasectomy is a much quicker and less invasive procedure. If someone has to 'get snipped' then I think it should be the man. Aside from the fact that women go through the pain of childbirth, it's just makes logical sense. I would give him the caveat that, in the event you have a c-section you could have it done while they're already in there. Otherwise no, you don't go in again.
My final stance with DH had been that I would go through childbirth. After that protection was up to him. He didn't have to get a vasectomy if he didn't want, but he was responsible for preventing pregnancy. I wasn't going to go back on the pill or do anything else. So if he wanted to use condoms from now until menopause then he was welcome to that option, but it was up to him.
Sounds like he has commitment issues from getting engaged to getting snipped. I think this is a larger issue than what's been presented and am also SMH at "I got pregnant on his 40th birthday (SURPRISE) completely unintentional, but kind of not." It's either intentional or it isn't and I not believe this was an accident for you.
Dx: balanced translocation and LPD
TTC since Oct 2011
BPF 02/19/12, EDD 10/31/12, natural m/c 02/28/12 (4w6d)
IVF (BCPs starting 10/30/12, ER 11/18/12, 5dt of 1 beautiful, healthy embryo 11/23/12)
BFP 12/02/12, u/s @ 6w,5d showed 2 HBs! Identical twins!!
Bed rest from 21w-35w due to short cervix, hospital bed rest from 23w-32w due to PTL
Our rainbows were born 07/19/13 (36w, 5d)
Sometimes I wonder if the men/women who refuse to get the procedure done,are worried about having children in the future, say if this marriage or relationship doesn't work. I could be totally off... But for me, I plan on being with N til we're old and gray. That means when we're done having kids, we're both done and should both get "fixed"...
JMO
MMC 01/26/12
MC 12/25/12, D&C 01/05/13
BFP 03/05/13, EDD 11/12/13. HB 175 @ 9w2d. Its a Girl!
DX with EA/TEF Type C & Tracheomalaysia
MC @ 13wks 01/15/15
BFP 1/11/18, EDD 9/21/18
This!
My thoughts exactly.
N '13 November Siggy Challenge- Baby Pictures
I kinda said the same to my DH- it's easier than BC for 10+ more years, it's less invasive, and I've been doing most of the BC/Pregnancy/Nursing workload here.
He is 100% okay with getting snipped although sounds like he wants to delay it a bit. I am going to try to hurry that up.
permanent bc such as vs and tubals need to be researched, discussed, and- most importantly- agreed on by both sides. you don't get to call the shots just because you pushed a person through your vag. he doesn't get to call the shots because he's the one with the testicles. if he's 50% responsible for the existence of your children, then he's also 50% responsible for preventing future children, and his opinion should count for something.
ds11: 5/02
ds10: 10/03
Finally- a girl! dd, born 11/15/2013
This month's Parents magazine has an article about vasectomies. It quotes that tubal ligation has a complication rate 20 times higher than vasectomies. Getting a vasectomy is an outpatient procedure and the risks with it are very low. The risk that seems the most concerning, besides it not fully sterilizing the patient, is that some men develop testicular aches that they think are related to sperm being backed up. But it's very rare, 1 out of 10,000 patients. And it's fixed by doing a vasectomy reversal.
What do you think about the possibility that your boyfriend wants to keep his future options open? You mentioned he doesn't want to get married. I just wonder.
I appreciate all the responses. While I was not planning to get pregnant (hence the surprise aspect) it was a conversation we had before he turned 40. I will be completely honest, I was getting upset reading some posts, but realized they were things your friends tell you (why is he so non-committal about certain issues, does he plan on having more kids, with or without you, further down the line, etc) so I stopped myself from becoming defensive. And I do appreciate the support, whether it was harsh or not.
We sat down and had a conversation last night where I told him I was not comfortable getting a TL. Not that I want more than 2 kiddos, just not thrilled with going through a surgery right after child birth. He agreed that it made more sense for him to have a simple outpatient procedure, but he wanted to wait a little while. Of course I questioned him, but like a PP said, he feels like he won't be the same man. So, I'm respecting that, and thankful that he's changing his mind. The other issues, we'll see how they turn out...he needs to get from under his mother's thumb...that's a whole other issue!!
Thanks again, I truly appreciate it!
Regardless of what you and he choose to do, you should be prepared that the doctor may not be willing to tie your tubes. It seems some friends of mine that been in similar situations and are under 30 have been questioned fairly rigorously about their decision as its often seen as too young to make such a permanent decision AND there are so many other less invasive BC options, such as the IUD. Just good for thought as you make your decision. It's been brought up with 2 friends of mine that were under the age of 30, different doctors, one married, one unmarried, both after their 2nd child.