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I am feeling like I am BSCish.

es6es6 member
in Blended Families

I have noticed the past few days I am turning into a bsc mom. Every time I look at DH, one of my DSDs is on DH lap or hanging on him or something while our son is, who is only 14 months, off on his own. It is really starting to get to me. I came home from work yesterday, my DD(10) is in the shower, DSD(4) is on DH lap, DSD(3) is standing 3 inches from the TV and my DS is in the bathroom trying to get in the shower with my DD. I didn't say anything, but I had issue with that. I told my DSD to back up from the TV and grabbed DS from the bathroom and closed the door. Then later last night, while I was trying to get my household chores done, DS must have climbed on the couch and was walking all over it all the while DH had DSD(3) on his lap and DH played no attention to him. He is only 14 months old and could easily fall off the couh, plus I don't allow playing on the furniture. I understand DSDs need his attention, not really complaining about that, but do something with them other than sitting on the couch with them on your lap and watching tv. Or fine, sit there but read a book or talk to them. Our DS also needs to be watched, I just wish he would pay half attention to our son then he does his girls.

Right before this, DH called me to let me know what MIL said about plans for July 4th and how exciting she was to meet DH's cousins new baby, this coming from a woman who has only held my son a handful of times. I really don't think she likes him(me) or something. FIL always is asking to hold him, where she has never asked to hold him. But thats a whole nother story.

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Re: I am feeling like I am BSCish.

  • 2chatter2chatter member

    If FIL asks to hold you, I think you have a whole other issue to address.  ;-)

    Have you discussed your observations with DH?  Here, DH was very hands on with my DDs...until SD arrived.  Breaking point for me was DD, 3 at the time, was on DH's lap half asleep.  SD screamed for DH from the back of the house and DH stood up and literally dumped DD on the floor.  SD wanted DH to get her water, she was thirsty and did not want to get up.  He SAW what he was doing then. He seriously, previous to that, had no idea.  Previous attempts to discuss it with him were fraught.  It might take DS falling off the couch or similar for him to notice.  But it's worth a try sooner.

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  • es6es6 member
    Oops, I hope they never ask to hold me. lol I have talked to him in the past, he did this kind of stuff when I first had DS. He was doing it back then to give me time with our DS. He knows his girls are a handful and he was giving me time with him. I understood at the time, but he needs time with his son too. I don't know, maybe when he is older DH will pay attention to him when the girls aren't as needy. Its just frustrating.
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  • 4luvof2boys4luvof2boys

    I've felt this way even though my kids were 8 and 10 years old at the time.  DH would come home, sit on the couch and watch the television.  DSs would be sitting right there on the couch watching TV with him.  They were together but there was no attention or interaction.  After a year of talking to DH about the same issues over and over he came home one day to find that I had cancelled the cable and there was no more TV.  An extreme measure - yes.  However, now we play games, have discussions, get chores/home repairs completed, go places and enjoy quality time together.  

    If your DH is just sitting there watching TV with his daughter on his lap, he really isn't paying her any attention.  He isn't engaging anyone.  It sounds to me like it isn't about the girls being needy.  They are just older and need less supervision.  They can sit still for a minute and get lost in TV land too.  But your DS is still a toddler who is curious and on the go.  That kind of supervision actually takes an engaged parent.  I may be reading the situation wrong but it sounds like your DH is lost in TV land.   

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  • es6es6 member
    That does make sense.  I think I still have bad feelings from when DS was born maybe.  He would take his girls into another room to "give" me time with our son.  I hated it and told him that we needed to be a family and we all needed to spend time together.  And add that his mother has barely anything to do with our son yet she spends lots of time with his girls, brings presents for them all the time and nothing for my LO(except his birthday).  I feel a little lost and unwanted.  He does nothing but bash my side of the family and it hurts even though I know some of my family is no good.  I don't need to hear about it from him.    
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  • 4luvof2boys4luvof2boys

    imagees6:
    That does make sense.  I think I still have bad feelings from when DS was born maybe.  He would take his girls into another room to "give" me time with our son.  I hated it and told him that we needed to be a family and we all needed to spend time together.  And add that his mother has barely anything to do with our son yet she spends lots of time with his girls, brings presents for them all the time and nothing for my LO(except his birthday).  I feel a little lost and unwanted.  He does nothing but bash my side of the family and it hurts even though I know some of my family is no good.  I don't need to hear about it from him.    

    Did the "other room" have a TV? 

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  • es6es6 member
    It actually didn't.  They played with play-doh or colored.  He took them into the kitchen.
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  • 4luvof2boys4luvof2boys

    imagees6:
    It actually didn't.  They played with play-doh or colored.  He took them into the kitchen.

    Well that is a positive sign.  It sounds like his intention was good when he took the girls into the other room.  And he explained himself.  I don't think you should carry a grudge over a misunderstanding like that.  I do understand you feel re-stimulated by his behavior now because it reminds you of hurt feelings then.

    It sounds like you guys have a full plate and several young children running around.  That can be really hectic and he might not be sure what role he is supposed to play.  He thinks he is helping to keep the girls busy so you can care for DS.  You feel like he is ignoring DS and just spending time with the girls.  Have you asked him about it directly or told him how you feel about it? 

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