I never wanted children, so nervous/anxious/afraid!!!

saltystella24 · June 2013

Hi! I am 28 years old, unfortunately already married and divorced but finally found and am sharing my life with my true soul mate... My entire life since puberty I NEVER had a regular period. I have always gotten it maybe 3 times per year. Also my whole life I have never wanted kids, never had a day dream about kids, never thought 'what if', not even when I was happily married. So all of the sudden this past fall (october 2012) I ended up in the hospital with ovarian cyst, during my fallow up visit with gyno we went over a few things and he determined that it looked like I could not conceive. Okay so i can't have kids, go about life and what do you know all the sudden I find out in january 2013 I am 3months pregnant. I panic but my boyfriend is elated... we end up having a miscarriage. I was 100% relieved and not effected by this at all, on the other hand my boyfriend was crushed.

So here I am 6 months later and we are 9 weeks pregnant with our first obgyn appointment set for tomorrow (hence me up at 1am typing this) The reason for this post is, I never wanted children, like AT ALL, but I feel like everything has changed, even tho it is early and I could misscarry again I feel so excited and overcome with joy that I am expecting a baby. Heck I mean here I am registered on The Bump! I'm just wondering if anyone else in the world has been through this?! I feel like I might as well be a 15 year old teen mom... I have never even held a baby let alone change or feed one. I literaly have never actually met an infant/baby/or toddler. I just happen to be the yongest in my family and none of my friends have kids.

In closing, I am so freaking happy excited to be expecting now after I was told I could not have kids BUT I almost feel selfish for having this baby because there are so many women on this planet that want kids and can't have them. I do want this child now, but I am in no way-shape-form to be a mother because I don't even know one single fact about having a baby.

Will this anxiety go away?!?!

So so so sorry for the horrible long post, I just can't sleep and this is all I have on my mind

cnctf · June 2013

I'm 29 and never wanted children until I met s/o so I can relate. I hope that this baby is your rainbow baby!!!

CaliforniaDream87 · June 2013

I hope this is your take home baby! You should also check out the pregnant after a loss board. It has helped me with my anxiety tremendously.

GL!

lpavone · June 2013

I hope you were able to sleep a bit!

I've felt that way often but you know what? As a professional social worker, doing my own self
Healing,
I'm starting to learn that this was a defense mechinism. Did you experience big or little trauma growing up?

aessary03 · June 2013

Congratulations

You will be surprised at how much of becoming a mom comes naturally. Sure, you'll have frustrating moments where you just absolutely don't know what to do. You'll be just fine

Try to relax (easier said than done) and enjoy your pregnancy!

S&DHutson · June 2013

There are lots of women out there who can't have babies, yes, but I happen to truly believe that you were meant to have THIS baby for a reason. Get some infant books, look into infant care classes they usually have at local hospitals, and try to stay calm. I always wanted children and have been around kids my whole life, but when I was pregnant with my first I was sure this baby was doomed and that I was going to drop it or leave it somewhere or do something stupid to ruin its life. I think what you are feeling is totally normal, but the important part is that you do want the baby and are excited to be its mom. The rest will fall into place : ) Good luck!

babylimas · June 2013

I never wanted kids. I was a career woman and told that to the world. I actually never made an announcement that I was pregnant b/c it embarrassed me since it was so against my plans. Now here I am working on the 2nd and arguing with my husband that we should have a 3rd right after. You will be amazed how much you love this baby when it comes. Congratulations on the BFP! I can't imagine the shock you are in, believing it was an impossibility.

saltystella24 · June 2013

Thank you all so much for the comments and support! It actually has helped me feel a little bit relieved this morning! I am lucky that I have such an amazing, supportive, and super excited father to be with me! He too, has no experience with children but is already looking into local parenting classes and has order 6 books on amazon! I guess with the hormone changes and everything going on with my body, it is to be expected to have some anxiety!

Truly looking forward to spending the next 7 months here, for advice, laughs, and support.

Thanks again!!!!

PrimRoseMama · June 2013

Whew that was really long...

I'm sorry for your previous loss...having conflicting emotions (in general) is normal. Pregnancy and babies are a big life change. There are tons of people who have been through this. Its a common human event.

Babies don't come with a manual. You will have a learning curve, for sure, but plenty of people have babies and make do. If you are really worried then take a parenting class, a newborn safety/CPR class and a birthing class. They will give you materials and resources to fall back on. Often though, when you get there you just work your way through it. It sounds intimidating (and I understand) but you just do it. No other options at that point lol.

I don't think you should feel selfish or guilty for being pregnant. Your fertility has nothing to do with others' fertility or their struggle. There is not a limited amount of babies to be had in the universe.

The anxiety does not go away. Welcome to motherhood. Its a balancing act of worry and frustration, but also joy and warmth.

Congratulations.

callmeJing · June 2013

You're going to be a great Mom! Even those of us who've always wanted a family go through the same anxiety. We're all moms for the first time with the first child so don't you worry. You'll figure it out. Wishing you a h&h 9mos.

RustyGirl3 · June 2013

callmeJing:
You're going to be a great Mom! Even those of us who've always wanted a family go through the same anxiety. We're all moms for the first time with the first child so don't you worry. You'll figure it out. Wishing you a h&h 9mos.

I agree...Even if you had tons of nieces and nephews and babysat for everyone's kids in your family/neighborhood...You would still be nervous when its your baby.

You will be a great mom! Congrats!

MiaMyPuggle · June 2013

You should take baby prep courses they offer at hospitals. It's great you had a change of heart bc you're in it for the long run now!!!! My DS is great and can't wait to give him a bro/sis in January. IMO, it's what life's all about!

Sovello · June 2013

Don't worry,I was 29 when I had mine and she was literally the first baby I had ever held for more than five awkward seconds, I had nothing at all to compare her to.

It's incredible how quickly instinct just takes over, you will be fine.

The baby prep classes helped me feel like I was doing something productive and made me worry less, but once she arrived everything I learned in there turned out to be utterly useless, lol. But I would recommend it anyway, it's a good way to meet and talk to others in the same boat.

babylimas · June 2013

Very literally, my husband was holding his first infant ever when I had my first contraction and went into labor. I had been around a bunch of kids, but my mom always told me I was too impatient to be a mom. I'm still very impatient, and my husband still hasn't been around many kids but our daughter, but I think we are great parents.

You will get advice from every corner (especially on TB), but you and your child are unique and you will figure it out. The cluelessness is part of the fun. I won't even tell you how many times we paged the nurses that first night in the hospital.

Want a personalized experience?

I never wanted children, so nervous/anxious/afraid!!!

Re: I never wanted children, so nervous/anxious/afraid!!!

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards