the meltdowns begin

zazu13 · June 2013

I had an appointment with my RE for an updated Pap and also for an Endometrial Biopsy (scratch) prior to starting my cycle next month. Even though I'm not stimming yet and there was no follicle scan or anything at this appointment, I had a mini-meltdown sitting there. I was sitting there on the table waiting for someone to come in and it just hit me that I am going through all of this yet again. I looked around the room at the ultrasound machine, the monitor on the wall with my name and patient number displayed, the Anne Geddes baby calendar... it was too much. The pity party started and I had myself a good cry. Luckily they were a little slow so I'd mostly composed myself by the time the RE and an assistant came in.

Sigh.. I hope I can survive the next 6 weeks. I'm sure there is at least one more melt down to come.

luvboston · June 2013

Sorry your at it again perhaps 5th time is the charm! Cry as much as you need to get through the next 6 weeks, your stronger than you know!

mm29 · June 2013

Sweetie I'm sorry! ((Huge hugs))

If you want to get together let me know. I'm happy to meet you for lunch anytime!

Sending lots of positive vibes this cycle brings you and your DH success!!!

brooklynesque · June 2013

I had a really similar reaction yesterday when I went to my clinic for the first time in a while for my baseline for my 4th (and 1st DE) IVF and 8th total treatment cycle there. I teared up and felt really emotional, and not in a good way; it was like all the memories of trauma were coming back. If there had been an Anne Geddes calendar on the wall I would have ripped it off and torn it up. ;-) Good luck with this cycle! Maybe you will escape the RE's office this time!

hmz819 · June 2013

I'm praying this cycle is it for you!

hootie123 · June 2013

It is soooo hard to keep doing this over and over again - but you are strong and you can do it.

(((hugs))) and good luck!

BzeetyD · June 2013

I'm sorry everything was feeling so repetitive. I'm sorry that you're feeling low. It's hard to keep being brave and strong sometimes. I'm glad you could let it all out. Hugs.

BeeBee08 · June 2013

((hugs)) hang in there! I hope this is it for you, you are a strong strong woman, Good Luck!

liz4paws · June 2013

I'm sorry.

It is so tough....sending you hugs.

zazu13 · June 2013

Thanks for the kind words. I can do this and I wouldn't be if I didn't want it so bad. I know you all know this and feel the same way.

Mindy - yes! let's do lunch in July. I'll text you

Brooklyn - I didn't think about tearing up the calendar, but maybe I should have... This is my 2nd RE and they actually have baby pics everywhere. They have a huge wall of patient photos, too. My previous RE didn't have any ( at least where patients could see...) I'm not sure which is better. The pictures do make me hopeful, but on the wrong day they are like a knife to the heart. Best of luck to you! I hope we both escape the RE!

I'm feeling better today and had my +opk so we are officially on a schedule to start estrace then stims in the coming weeks. Eek.

mm29 · June 2013

zazu13:
Thanks for the kind words. I can do this and I wouldn't be if I didn't want it so bad. I know you all know this and feel the same way.

Mindy - yes! let's do lunch in July. I'll text you

Brooklyn - I didn't think about tearing up the calendar, but maybe I should have... This is my 2nd RE and they actually have baby pics everywhere. They have a huge wall of patient photos, too. My previous RE didn't have any ( at least where patients could see...) I'm not sure which is better. The pictures do make me hopeful, but on the wrong day they are like a knife to the heart. Best of luck to you! I hope we both escape the RE!

I'm feeling better today and had my +opk so we are officially on a schedule to start estrace then stims in the coming weeks. Eek.

Good Luck!!!

PrettyAccountant · June 2013

I am so sorry. I know what you mean about the meltdowns. When I had to get the blood test to confirm the negative for IVF 3 failure, I literally told the receptionist if they really needed blood then why don't you just slice my wrists te get some. I cried hysterically the whole time I was there. Sending you positive thoughts and many hugs sweetie.

rrdiva1 · June 2013

It is so hard when you feel like that, I felt like carp when I had to redo some testing I had done a year ago with re.

Hang in there, hopefully this will be it!

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