mom vent -- LONG
kat81again2
member
Ugh, my mom made me cry tonight...I know I'm just hormonal, but it really irritated me.
Background -- we live ~800 mi from both my parents and DH's, who live in different locations. We also live a 5 hr drive from my sister and her family. I'm 6-7 mo pregnant and will not be able to travel soonish. However, I am a professor who just started my summer in the beginning of this month. We wanted to travel to visit people while we still have the chance (we know we won't be able to again for a long time), so we decided to be crazy and make this month strenuous in terms of travel. For three weekends in a row we saw DH's parents, then mine (both were flights), and then my sister's family.
Unfortunately I contracted a cold just before the first trip. It wasn't that bad, but it relapsed during the second trip while we were seeing my parents and that worried them and put a damper on the visit. It got a lot better just after that trip. As for DS, he is ridiculously adaptable, but he is still 2. His attitude toward the travel was 100% positive -- he was dying to see all of these people and loved going on the airplanes, etc -- but he sometimes missed 1-3 hrs of sleep within a 24 hr period due to nap or nighttime disruption. So he got cranky sometimes during a visit and/or the day afterward.
So...my mom called me tonight and lectured at me for 30+ minutes, saying the same exact thing over and over: we should not travel so much because of DS and because of my health (i.e. pregnancy). At first I was just thinking & saying, "OK, yes, I agree." But since it went on so long it really started to upset me. First of all, the travel is DONE! So what's the point of basically saying, "you shouldn't have done that!" unless we were threatening to do it again? And what's the point of going on and on and on about it, even after I agreed with her? Second, my parents have in the past complained about us or my sisters not visiting them enough. We had a big blow-up about it about 5 years ago in which they were being extremely unreasonable, and I'm still hurt from that one blow-up (it was really bad). Years later l'm still feeling like I need to visit them more to keep them from flipping out again. So it feels really weird for my mom flip out in the other direction. I know they were happy to see us but it also makes me feel like they were ungrateful for the sacrifice (time & money--DS pays full price!) we made to make the visit. Seriously, you can't have it both ways -- you can't want to see us more but not be able to make the trip more yourself and then lecture us for the effort we make to travel. And the ironic thing is that we had a decision to make regarding the travel on the trip to see them, and it involved something that was better for their schedules but more disruptive to sleep for ours. We regretfully went along with their schedules at our expense. When I started breaking up (it was obvious I was crying from her end), she was all, "the last thing I want to do is to upset you" but IMO she should have taken the hint earlier on to stfu when I said things like, "I agree but it's done and there's nothing we can do it about it now, and we're not traveling again for a while." I realize it's just her worrying about my health and DS's so it's a call out of concern but the way she went about it was so hurtful given the circumstances.
Thank you for reading this. Feel free to chime in with opinions or your own parental vents or travel woes.
Re: mom vent -- LONG
I'm sorry. That was so unnecessary of her. I don't know what she was thinking!
My mom hasn't done this to me recently, but there's just something about them, you know? In the past she has said things that would totally have rolled off my back with someone else but really cut me with her. They can really get under our skin!
Exactly, they really can!
I'm sorry your mom put you through that. It's so frustrating when they try to lecture us on stuff that we obviously know. At least it sounds like she got the hint even if it was a little late. Hopefully she doesn't bring it up again!
I'm sure that was really frustrating.
I'm sorry that she went on and on about it. I'm hoping that she is just really concerned for your well being and needed to really get it out of her system. I can be like that sometimes when I've been thinking and stewing on something. When it finally comes out I feel like I need to really make the point even if the person apologizes right off the bat. So hopefully it was just her needing to get it out even if it was the same thing over and over.
Did you mention to her that you felt like she was being unappreciative, and contradicting their previous requests? I hope you can work it out with her, I would be upset, too. Big hugs!
Thanks. That is a good point about getting it out of her system and it really matches her so I could see that. I think it was sort of boiling in her the past week.
As for your second comment, I did not mention that, because in part it came into my head after we talked and also I didn't want to upset her. She also doesn't realize, I'm sure, that I'm still sore over the blow up from 5 years ago, so I'm going to talk to her soon about that once AGAIN because I need more closure on it, clearly (I didn't even realize how sensitive I still was about that so much later.)
Sorry your mom is giving you a hard time! That would bother me too. But she probably is saying it out of concern. I agree she should have just dropped it after you agreed with her, but you know how some moms are. They love to nag
That sounds like a lot of effort to see your family! I'm sorry they didn't seem to appreciate it as much as one would hope.