Those who are 'okay'/friends with BD now

MeganSony · June 2013

Since I am new to this whole single parent thing. I'm just wondering I've seen some of you have posted about having good relationships with your XH's and BD's. Right now I feel like myself and STBXH will never be there. STBXH just packed his bags and walked out. He has said some aweful and hurtful things. He also seems motivated very much so by money right now.

Just wondering how you cope? How did you maintain/have such a great relationship? Is it possible?

tracy41 · June 2013

I don't know about the other ladies but my first step was lots and lots of therapy! LOL. My XH had an affair when our son was 9 months. When I discovered it and confronted him he told me "I thought it was okay because our marriage was over." Keep in mind we just had a kid but there was no increase in fighting, no discussion of problems, nada, just one day he apparently decided he was done and oops forgot to mention it. That was followed by 6 months of game playing, more infidelity, and lots of lying...all by him of course.

Let's just say that I, too, didn't see how I was going to be able to coparent with him. I was so hurt and so mad. And then it just started clicking for me. Obviously I had married the wrong man, but better I found out sooner than later. And I honestly would not have changed marrying him because I love my son that much. So no use dwelling on that. And that was most of it.

I read a lot of books on divorce and coparenting. I'll get you a list if you want. One of them pointed out that you have to give up on "fair" because divorce is never fair and look at it like a business arrangement for the benefit of your child.

Now my XH is living it up, going out on weekends, has a new GF. He wanted 50/50 but takes him about 35 percent of the time, and generally plays the fun parent. But I have my son and that is the difference. Plus sometimes XH steps up and it makes for a nice surprise!

I have a feeling this response got longer than I intended but I hope it helps!

MommyKristin88 · June 2013

I have an okay relationship with my daughter's father. In reality, I hate the man, and if it weren't for her I would never speak to him. I stay civil, because he's a good father. The guy totally sucks as a boyfriend (and a human lol), but he is respectful of her and she enjoys being with him. I especially hate that he doesn't financially contribute (thank goodness child support is an option). I just suck it up, and not block their relationship. Ultimately, you have to do what's best for the child involved, no matter your personal feelings about the BD.

yayamag · June 2013

I dated my baby daddy for 4 years off and on. We always had a great relationship and when I found out I was pregnant I had no doubt he was going to be there for me. Boy was I wrong! He insisted on an abortion and when I wouldn't do it he said anything he could to hurt me and disappeared for a few weeks. He then made it a point to clarify I was nothing more than sex to him, and he never had nor would he ever love me. It was beyond devastating. He has since come around and been more active in the pregnancy. He definitely covers his share financially, emotionally he hasn't really been there and he would show up every 2 weeks or so to check in. I know he will be a great father and I try to focus on that and not the pain he has caused me. I know I would have never spoken to him again if it wasn't for our son but I am really trying to work past it. We fight a lot I admit, mostly because he is insensitive, and I am still in love with him. I take it day by day and try to focus on my son.

Those who are 'okay'/friends with BD now

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