Anyone losing all support for wanting a vbac?

krisbrown1 · June 2013

Hello,

My first csection was because of "too long of labor" so says the doctor who delivered me. Since than I have switched clinics and am pregnant with my second and plan on having a vbac because there is no reason currently to have a csection.My first child I didn't know better about csections.

Anyways, when friends and family ask me about scheduling my csection I tell them I am not having one. They get so upset and say how can you not have a csection your putting your child at risk and blah blah blah. Angry I have no issues, no problems with this pregnancy so far and have the okay to have a vbac from the doctor. I am at the point where I want to scream at them shut up you don't even know what your talking about. When I try to educate them on the difference between vbacs and having a csection it goes in one ear out the other. Even my mom is driving me nuts. Basically the only person I have to support me is my husband.

Anyone else have no friends or family to support your vbac decision? Its like having a vbac is completely foreign to people. Hmm I just walk away from people anymore and have stopped talking to people. The only person I can't seem to get away from is my crazy mom who texts me everyday or calls me to inform me how wrong I am. (please note i have sent so many emails and information to her about vbacs and why they are better or ok to do besides scheduling another csection)...

ANYONE else out there with friend and family issues? Sad what are you doing to make it easier on you?

a2003tiger · June 2013

I don't talk to many people about my decision and I certainly don't talk about it with unsupportive people. It's my decision. My doctor, doula and husband support it. I don't really care what others think. If I were you, I would take the support from those who are supportive and just don't worry about everyone else. They are uneducated about your decision and appears that they don't want to listen to what you have to say. So just stop discussing it.

querylove · June 2013

Im lucky and have the support of those around me, that being said if my mom were to continue to talk negatively about my decision I would tell her to stop or she wont be a part of the birth process or for a time afterwards. She may not agree with you but she does have to respect your decision and you have to stand up for yourself to her.

Im not normally an aggressive person but I think this is one time where you have to be!

S&DHutson · June 2013

Honey. I have a way overbearing mother and I am having an hbac (vbac at home) for the same reason and I can't even tell her because I know the bad reaction I will get. I am doing it at home because most local hospital won't allow vbacs, which is beyond crazy to me. I saw midwive last time, no complications, just failure to progress and was bullied into inductions that led to my csection and I can't even see those midwives now because I had a prior csection. It is unbelievable the kind of negativity you face wanting a vbac. I am super lucky to have a friend who is a doula and the new midwives I have found that are supporting me. But as for family, most just look at me like I am crazy and there is a gag order in concerns with telling my mother. My best advice... what others think or feel has no bearing on the outcome on your birth as long as you are firm in what you want for yourself and your baby. Having support helps but this is all you so own it and stop talking about it with those who have opposing views. The proof will be in the pudding when you have a healthy baby with a vbac. Good luck and stay strong, and know you are doing what is right for you.

margeincharge3 · June 2013

I didn't talk to anyone about my plans. That's how I made it easier on myself. I knew there would be judgment from some people if I chose a c/s and judgment from others if I did a vbac. I told a few of my close friends/family members but I didn't really dwell on it much. I knew very well that even if I tried for a vbac, it might not happen so I didn't want to talk about it a lot with anyone. I learned that mistake with my first pregnancy when I talked a lot about my natural birth plans. Those went up in smoke but prior to that I got a lot of unsolicited opinions and it was really frustrating. The second time around, it was so much nicer keeping things to myself.

cecilyandgautam · June 2013

I'm surprised people are even familiar enough with the issues to ask about it and have an opinion. You could either stop talking about it with them or you could reply as if they honestly don't know the latest: "Oh, you must be thinking of the ACOG cautions re VBACs from the 90s. ACOG has since clarified that they never intended for VBACs to become unavailable. They're safer than RCS for most moms and I've discussed my specific risks with my care provider."

I use that "oh, you must be referring to info that's decades out of date!" approach for several situations and it generally seems to get people off your back.

MAprincess · June 2013

Sorry you are going through that. Whether or not my family and friends agreed with me, they all kept their mouths shut because they knew I was not above punching someone over it. My mom did grumble a bit over my using a CNM and not a "real doctor".

I would just not talk about it to them. If they bring it up, just give them a quick "actually, the risks of a c/s are higher than a VBAC" and leave it like that. YES, the risks are comparable, but clearly they are not listening to your facts, so just leave it short and sweet. Or say, "I am four times more likely to die during a c/s. That doesn't sound safer to me." I'm having a snarky day, so take that all with a grain of salt! :-)

Anyone losing all support for wanting a vbac?

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