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how will i manage?

sfeebs13sfeebs13 member
in Blended Families

DF recently started a new business and is working every weekend. we get his kids every 2 weekends. he has 3. SD10, SS6, SS4. I am due 8/5 and im starting to get nervous about what i'm going to do when LO arrives and i have to take care of a newborn and 3 other children, because he wont be around on the weekends to help me. I have enough of a hard time getting them to listen and respect me and our home as it is..

I'm just trying to prepare now for these weekends. being a FTM i dont have a clue what to expect and i'm so nervous and 3 extra kids to think about.. i just dont know how i'm going to manage. 

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Re: how will i manage?

  • AlwaysForgetful AlwaysForgetful member
    Not to sound cold, but you will learn to manage. I am sure it will take a bit to get use to, but 2 of them are old enough to help you. Be sure your DH lets the kids know that they are expected to help (IDK what your home life is like. Everyone is different). I had 3 at home when I had my last and this time (due in Oct) I will have 4 at home 6 and under with a hubby that is disabled. He works full time, but he can not do a lot physical. My then 3 year old use to bring me diapers and wipes if needed and the 4 year old would do other things. They were old enough to play by themselves and not need a parent to hover. I just needed to make meals and basic things.

    Before hand, I would make up some easy freezer/crockpot meals for when he is gone. It is nice to be able to just shove a dish in the oven or crockpot and not have to worry about dinner, lunch, or breakfast (yes, there are breakfast ones). Stock up on sandwich things so the older 2 can make sandwiches for lunch.

    Edited in:
    I missed the problems with respect. Now is the time to start with making them understand that they need to respect you. Have your husband work on that. Maybe family counseling would be a good idea for that too. If they can't do what they are told (within reason, no child is perfect) then they cannot do something fun. I do not have step kids, so maybe take it with a grain of salt. Still, that is something that needs to be addressed. I would never allow the older kids (not biologically husbands) ignore him. Then again, they were also pretty young when he came into their lives. So I only had problems with one and like I said he was young.
    DS1 - 6/07
    DS2 - 8/08
    DS3- 9/09
    DD1 - 11/11
    DD2 - 10/13
    DD3 - Csection Scheduled November 29th
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  • CurlieWhirlieCurlieWhirlie member

    Agree with pp that it's totally up to their father to talk to them about the correct way to behave in your house, and enforce house rules. 

    It seems odd that if he only gets them every other weekend, he would want to work the whole weekend they were there ? wouldn't that mean he never gets to see them? Any chance he could do half days on those weekends, or otherwise change the schedule around so that he could be there with his kids (and to support you)? If I was in your situation, that's what I'd have the biggest problem with. Not "how will I cope," but "why aren't you spending time with your kids?" 

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  • sfeebs13sfeebs13 member
    imageCurlieWhirlie:

    Agree with pp that it's totally up to their father to talk to them about the correct way to behave in your house, and enforce house rules. 

    It seems odd that if he only gets them every other weekend, he would want to work the whole weekend they were there ? wouldn't that mean he never gets to see them? Any chance he could do half days on those weekends, or otherwise change the schedule around so that he could be there with his kids (and to support you)? If I was in your situation, that's what I'd have the biggest problem with. Not "how will I cope," but "why aren't you spending time with your kids?" 

    we haven't had them since he's been back working, so i'm not sure how exactly he will work to spend time with them. he says he wants them to come even if he is working, at least to spend time with me and be able to stay at "daddy's house". 

    i think also taking sundays off, is a recent development and should that happen it wont be a problem.

    i think i'm just very nervous too. i know she is excited but i sense jealousy from SD about the new baby, despite my extreme efforts to make her feel included in everything.. but i also think she may be getting to that age.. she's almost 11. i dont know anything about raising kids, i'm learning through them and soon through LO arriving in August. I think consistency between households is an issue and one i dont feel is my place to address.

    we will figure it out, i'm sure. we have to. hehe. 

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imageslusk13:
    imageCurlieWhirlie:

    Agree with pp that it's totally up to their father to talk to them about the correct way to behave in your house, and enforce house rules. 

    It seems odd that if he only gets them every other weekend, he would want to work the whole weekend they were there ? wouldn't that mean he never gets to see them? Any chance he could do half days on those weekends, or otherwise change the schedule around so that he could be there with his kids (and to support you)? If I was in your situation, that's what I'd have the biggest problem with. Not "how will I cope," but "why aren't you spending time with your kids?" 

    we haven't had them since he's been back working, so i'm not sure how exactly he will work to spend time with them. he says he wants them to come even if he is working, at least to spend time with me and be able to stay at "daddy's house". 

    i think also taking sundays off, is a recent development and should that happen it wont be a problem.

    i think i'm just very nervous too. i know she is excited but i sense jealousy from SD about the new baby, despite my extreme efforts to make her feel included in everything.. but i also think she may be getting to that age.. she's almost 11. i dont know anything about raising kids, i'm learning through them and soon through LO arriving in August. I think consistency between households is an issue and one i dont feel is my place to address.

    we will figure it out, i'm sure. we have to. hehe. 


    Sit DH down and ask what his plan is to be able to spend time with his kids again because if he thinks he can work the entire visitation and make them come to see their SM and sit in his house indefinitely and they will be ok with it and with him he is greatly mistaken. SM being alone with them sometimes is fine but all the time equals him not holding up his part as a Dad.

    How you will do it would be the same as any Mom having a fourth with an uninvolved father.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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