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Third-Party Reproduction
So upset, Need advice
So DH was diagnosed with azoospermia last fall. For six months he's been taking vitamins etc. and we're meeting with our surrogacy coordinator in three weeks, hoping to cycle early next year I can't carry myself.
Well a few weeks ago I found a bag of the little needles I'm sure you're all familiar with them in his closet. He claimed that they were for injecting melatonin. Then last night I found a bottle of steroid pills in our home office. Technically is a "preandrogen" so it's legal, but it does raise your LH and decrease free testosterone.
DH was an internationall competetive athlete, so I knew he did this in the past, but at our RE visit he told me and my doctor it was done.
I just feel so betrayed because he KNOWS that he can't be on this stuff and hope to produce sperm, so why won't he stop? And the fact that he's lying and sneaking about it I feel like he's some kind of addict! I mean here we are spending thousands on a surrogate and he's too vain to just lay of the steroids?
Oh and in case anyone's wondering, he actually initiated the RE work up and is adamant about want to use his own sperm I possible. WTF?!
Well a few weeks ago I found a bag of the little needles I'm sure you're all familiar with them in his closet. He claimed that they were for injecting melatonin. Then last night I found a bottle of steroid pills in our home office. Technically is a "preandrogen" so it's legal, but it does raise your LH and decrease free testosterone.
DH was an internationall competetive athlete, so I knew he did this in the past, but at our RE visit he told me and my doctor it was done.
I just feel so betrayed because he KNOWS that he can't be on this stuff and hope to produce sperm, so why won't he stop? And the fact that he's lying and sneaking about it I feel like he's some kind of addict! I mean here we are spending thousands on a surrogate and he's too vain to just lay of the steroids?
Oh and in case anyone's wondering, he actually initiated the RE work up and is adamant about want to use his own sperm I possible. WTF?!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So upset, Need advice
I'm sorry. I would be F.ing pissed. Not even just about TTC but about the lie as well. I would drag DH to a marriage counselor for that one. How are you supposed to raise a family with someone you can't trust.
Good luck.
It sounds like he has an addiction. Men are to simple to go through the trouble of RE workup etc only to sabotage with a habit he had in the past. Also sounds like he wants to stop but doesnt know how to? I am not justifying his behavior at all, only trying to understand a little bit.
Either way - i am so sorry that you are going through this. its frustrating enough to have to deal with surrogacy/RE/etc that on top of it you are being lied to by the one person you trust the most. I can only imagine your feelings of betrayal.
I would first confront him in a non-accusing way regarding the materials you found. Ask for an honest explanation and then I would as well take him to a therapist (someone affiliated with your RE possibly?) to get to the bottom of his behavior.
All of this, especially the bolded! What did he say when you told him you found those things? I agree that there definitely needs to be some counseling to rebuild trust and maybe even to help him work through possible addiction issues. Huge hugs!!
***signature & ticker warning***
Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!
Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers
Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
Stopped BCP 4/2010.
Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN
IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013 ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt) Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.
If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!
I agree with her!
This is an incredibly tough situation. I've never been through it, so I can only imagine how you feel right now. So first, above all else, I'm sending you giant hugs.
I agree with the other ladies, it sounds like he needs help. He may be in some kind of clinical denial where he really can't connect the dots that he's the one causing this issue in the first place. He really needs to see someone about both that, and what sounds like an addiction. So please, if you can get in to see a counselor about this I think it would be help at fixing this. If he can't get out of denial or out of the addiction process, I'm not sure how you can move forward.
Again, hugs.
************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
DH: Severe MFI
12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN
8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)
My ovaries are just for decoration
12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts.
2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.
6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d.
11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522 Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373
6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!
Snowflake baby is a girl!
Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!
My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake