6yo SD. Emotional Wreck. Urinated on floor
Pamelacake
member
I'm sure this has probably been brought up before but I have never had to deal with it. and I'm sorry I think I have posted like 3 days in a row now. IDK how to help her and it's killing me.
SD of topic used to urinate on her bedroom floor on a regular basis, This hasn't occurred since BM has been pretty much out of the picture. I also posted about same SD playing with fire about a week ago, also something she hasn't done since BM left.
I know I can't point the finger at BM for these things occurring but there is definitely a connection. I just don't know what.
SD was caught urinating on her bedroom floor this evening shortly after she realized BM wasn't coming.
DH and I don't ever tell SD's when to expect BM, I always make sure they are ready in case she does show up though. SD knew it was BM's weekend as she has been asking about it all week. I tried to avoid by just telling SD, I didn't know, I would have to check the calendar. SD knew I was fibbing because normally when I tell her I have to check the calendar for her counseling appointments, I let her know right away.
Pickup time was at 7. SD came in about 8:30 this evening and asked what time it was. I didn't think anything of it and told her. about 15 minutes later I walk by her bedroom on my way to the kitchen and find her doing this.
Suggestions? SD just saw 2 of her counselors yesterday. and isn't due to see the main one for about 2 weeks but I am going to call first thing Monday and see if I can get her in next week. I don't know how to help her.
SD did talk to me a little bit and told me her mom hated her and she didn't know why. I feel so bad for SD.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Re: 6yo SD. Emotional Wreck. Urinated on floor
I'm not a child psychologist, so take it with a grain of salt, but I'm thinking a new approach is in order. I think that maybe the fact that you don't tell her that there is a possibility her mom won't show, still gives her hope, and when she's let down, it's worse.
I know you don't want to hurt her, I am guilty of fibbing too sometimes, but I feel like it may be easier on her if you tell her the truth when she asks if BM is coming. And the truth is that you don't know, but probably not. If she asks why not, the answer could be something like, mommy is working on some problems in her life, so it's best you stay here with us until she gets better and can come get you on her weekends.
I would advise you to run this by a professional, of course, especially on the wording, but I do think that false hope may play a part in her behavior change when she is let down time and time again.
DH and I were honest with SD's in the beginning well, to an extent. They were always told by BM over the phone that she was coming. Always a lot of excitement when they were getting ready and so happy when sitting at the table waiting. BM never once showed and sometimes didn't even call with an excuse. SD handled that much worse.. I think maybe because BM was the one to tell and SD she was coming and BM would tell SD "honestly isn't lying this time" and would be here just didn't show. SD is used to the disappointment and is very surprised when BM does actually come every now and then.
I used to make excuses for BM and tell SD's that BM called and said she wasn't feeling well. I was advised not to do lie for BM and was also advised to monitor phone calls after 3 months of BM lying directly to them. The first phone call that was monitored BM was telling 6yo SD "Daddy said I couldn't come" Which was total BS.
SD's both know where BM is at when she doesn't come. She openly talks about being at the bar where her boyfriend works every weekend when SD's are there.
After I cleaned SD's carpet last night and had some time to think about it, I brought her into my bedroom and talked to her a little about what it was like for me when I was her age. Mainly to let her know that she isn't the only child in the world that feels like they have no one. I have done this before.. just tell her one little story about something and how I dealt with it. I told SD everyone deals with things differently and gave her some options to think about instead of peeing on her floor. One of which was to scream at her pillow.. She thought that one was funny..lol.
I'm not very far into it but was working on a child psychology degree. It's on hold right now due to everything that is and has been going on... One thing I learned is that you can't work with your own kids/SK's as they are more apt to listen to or take advice from an outsider rather than someone they see everyday. That's why I had DS put 6yo SD in counseling right away. I will speak with One of SD's counselors Monday and see what she says. Counselor one does not know the whole story for the simple fact.. we would be in her office 3 times a week. lol.
I knew it was hurting SD that BM was constantly cancelling even though she tried to hide it.
Sorry this is so long. I just hurt for her and in my fantasy world I would have a superpower to heal her little heart.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Now I haven't followed much of your story, so I don't know a lot of background. I'm happy that you have your SD in therapy, that sounds like a great resource for her. I couldn't even imagine the dissapointment your SD must be feeling.
That being said, at 6 yrs old she should be able to tell right from wrong. She knows that urinating on the floor is wrong. I get that she is acting out from being upset at BM, but her actions are still innapropriate.
Is she being punished when she urinates on the floor? Like I said, I know she is in therapy, and she is definitely working through stuff so I'm not trying to be insensitive to that, but there is no excuse to ever urinate on the floor.
Maybe next time BM doesn't show up for visitation you can have a movie night or game night or something, or maybe even just get the girls new color or sticker books so that you can keep her out of her room (I assume this is where she usually does it) and do something fun with them?