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Calling all Momma's of high needs LO's!

JulyMomma2U2JulyMomma2U2 member
in Parenting after a Loss

I remember when DS was younger and going through his awful colic period that there were several other Momma's of high needs babies -- Jertie.. SandyD.. a few others?

Just a couple of questions.. I posted a similar post on 2U2, in case any of you lurk there as well..

Just wondering when your high needs babes became a little less high needs?  

DS was tough as a baby.. but once the colic stopped around 4 months everything seemed like night and day!  My parents, who watch DS during the week, have said that he's a "high needs" baby, but DH and I don't always see it as much because we have nothing to compare it to.. the only times I ever really "see" the difference is when I am around friends that have LO's close in age.. and then I usually feel UBER jealous LOL!

Anyway.. DS is the type that still requires constant attention and entertainment.. he's extremely stubborn and wants what he wants when he wants it or else he screams.. and cries.. and screams some more.. 

DH and I have been working hard on stepping away.. and trying to encourage some independent play, etc, for the simple fact when DS2 arrives in a few weeks our time is going to be drastically split.. 

I'm not looking for sympathy here.. simply just curious when your LO's who were high needs "shifted" into being a little less high needs.. were there any great tricks that you learned that helped encourage your little one to be more independent?  My biggest worry is that if DS2 is colicky, too, it's going to be a house full of screaming crying kiddies!  

Loss #1: 18w5d.. D&E 04Mar03 BFP #2: Jun2011.. missed miscarriage. D&C 08Jul2011 8w4d. BFP #3: Nov2011.. Our Rainbow Baby!!! DS Born: 15Jul2012! BFP #4: Nov2012.. 2U1 - DS2 born 12Jul2013.  BFP #5: 01Jan2014..3U3!!

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Re: Calling all Momma's of high needs LO's!

  • tetiananinatetiananina member
    I have no advice but I'm interested to see what people say. DS is very much I need mommy's attention when I'm around. When Lo 2 comes it will be interesting how it plays out

    BFP: 01/08/11 EDD: 09/15/11 Natural MC: 02/03/11
    BFP: 02/14/12 EDD: 10/26/12 D&C: 03/09/12
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    BFP: 06.08.13 EDD: 02.13.14 Baby Girl.. 2U2 Here we come

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  • ilovemygirlsilovemygirls member
    Um, my high needs kid is now 8 & she's still high needs lol.  Obviously it shifts as they get older, but she's my more dramatic child, gets louder to get attention if she's not getting it.  It's funny to see how it manifests itself when they are older.  I just prayed every day of my second pregnancy not to have another one like that & I got lucky- my second was sooo easy. It's always good to step away to give them some space & stretch their wings on some independence but- you can't change a leopard's spots :)  Mine was a nightmare when her sister arrived- for months.  Hope yours gives you a smoother transition! 
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  • mundayemmundayem member
    You just described my 18 month old to a t. Good luck!
    BFP 7/27/10, no hb discovered 9/3/10, natural m/c 9/17/10
    BFP #2- 2/1/11,bleeding- 2/6/11, natural m/c @ 5wks
    BFP #3- 4/29/11 - DS born 12/31/11
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  • martinimommamartinimomma member
    I'll let you know when he does. If he ever does. I'm not super optimistic at almost 21 months. 

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    BFP #1 5/2010 - Missed m/c at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 2/2011
    Baby G welcomed with love and relief 10/2011
    Surprise BFP 1/8/2013...say what? Baby A arrived 9/2013

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  • ikissedthecookikissedthecook
    DS no longer cries all the time like he did when he was a newborn. I guess that changed at about 5 months. He is still high needs in other ways, those needs just change as he gets older. He still gets upset if I'm not in the room with him. He needs to touch me frequently throughout the day. He wakes frequently through the night needing me. For me it got a bit easier at 6M, a little bit more at 9M, a little more at a year, and again at 18M. It's a gradual progress with him.
    married 09.06.08
    BFP #1 - m/c on 12.22.09 @ 8w3d
    BFP #2 - d&c on 07.22.10 @11w1d
    BFP #3 - DS born on 06.22.11 @41w3d!
    BFP #4 - Due 04.24.13
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  • JulyMomma2U2JulyMomma2U2 member
    imagesarcaztic10:

    ::lurker::

    My DS was a VERY high needs child. We spent most of his first year going to and from the Dr.'s office because he would not stop crying. We said that we would never have another child because we were so afraid we could not handle another one. DS got a lot better at 2 1/2 and that is when we thought we may be able to handle another one. I think that all high needs children are different and it could be different for you OP. We try to look on the bright side and say that at least if this LO is also high needs we have already BTDT and know how to handle it. 

    This is sort of what we're banking on.. we know how difficult a colicky baby can be.. a baby with reflux, digestive issues, general "need" for constant attention, etc.. we know what to expect, what works, and what doesn't..

    Someone on the 2U2 board posted about not being able to "change a leopard's spots".. I think that's a really good analogy.. DS is who he is.. and we love every bit of him.. even when he's screaming bloody hell because I've stopped giving him full on attention!! LOL.  I'm well aware that adding a second to the mix, without factoring in the new baby's personality, is going to create a lot of challenges in itself.. but, I'm really hoping this will help DS1 learn patience, too.. there will be times for sure when I'll be busy and DS1 will have to wait for my attention.. I'm sure he'll scream.. but, he'll also get over it..

    Especially with DH and I working on this with him lately.. we've seen how he'll pitch a fit initially if he's not getting his way.. but if I walk out of the room.. within a few minutes, he'll get distracted and start to entertain himself.. and then, the second he hears me or DH, or god forbid sees us, the screaming begins again.. he's very smart.. and manipulative!! And stubborn.. and impatient.. and over-all just very strong willed.. DH says he's just like his Momma ;-) 

     

    Loss #1: 18w5d.. D&E 04Mar03 BFP #2: Jun2011.. missed miscarriage. D&C 08Jul2011 8w4d. BFP #3: Nov2011.. Our Rainbow Baby!!! DS Born: 15Jul2012! BFP #4: Nov2012.. 2U1 - DS2 born 12Jul2013.  BFP #5: 01Jan2014..3U3!!

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