Fired my doula

WashingtonQueen · June 2013

So, I fired my doula today. I am taking the hypnobabies home course so at least I have that but, my husband is in a panic. He is scared to be the sole person I rely on to get through a natural birth. I was wondering if there is a really good book out there that my DH can read to help give him the skills and confidence in helping me through this birth.

A37licia · June 2013

Even though you're doing hypnobabies, your DH would benefit from Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. It'll teach him a lot about the process of labor. It's not too "froofy" or whatever and good for a guy to read.

Sorry you had to fire your doula...what happened? Did you lose money in that situation?

tokenhoser · June 2013

"The Birth Partner" is a good book... but it won't make him a doula. He's still only been at or through one birth.

mylovelyll · June 2013

I did Hypnobabies and my DH tried to convince me to hire a doula. I struggled with the decision but really felt deep down that we could trust ourselves and trust the hospital staff. I was right! I posted our birth story today - maybe it will give you and your husband confidence.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/74883458.aspx?MsdVisit=1

https://community.thebump.com/

cs/ks/forums/thread/74883458.aspx?MsdVisit=1

KateLouise · June 2013

I don't know what kind of birth experience you had with your first. Was it particularly difficult, or hard for your DH to observe?

My thinking being, if you understand why he's so worried, then it might give you a starting point to help alleviate his fears.

Is he a chat board kind of a guy? If so, then maybe the Dads board on the Bump might be a good place for him to connect with other Dads and get some ideas on how they helped their partners.

FWIW my DH is the only support I had for DD1 and 2, and he did great (he actually delivered DD2 by himself but that's a whole other story). I've asked him what he thinks Dads need to know going into the delivery room, or what does he think would be useful preparation, and he just shrugs his shoulders and says, "if it seems to be helping, keep doing it, and if it looks like it might get you killed, then stop doing it."

WashingtonQueen · June 2013

My city is extremely short on doulas, there were really only 3. The first one with the most experience has now quit being a doula to become a midwife. The second one with about 5 births under her belt is pregnant with twins and due in July (unable to help me). The third one is brand new and has only been to 1 birth but, she was my only option.

My doula has been really flaky and unreliable. She is hard to get ahold of and never gets back to me right away. A month ago I sent her a message to ask what she knew about laborade. I didn't hear back from her for 3 weeks. When she did get back to me she said she has been busy with her new job. Obviously I am not a top priority to her. I congratulated her on her new job and asked if it would interfere with her being my doula. It has been 8 days and I have still heard nothing back. I've called a couple times but it always goes straight to voice mail. I don't trust her and she doesn't make me feel comfortable.

DH has been through 4 births however, birth number 1 was a C-section. Births number 2 and 3 were given epidurals ASAP. Birth number 4 was my last birth. I wanted to go natural last time but my 46 hour labor got complicated and hard and I ended up with an epi. He was nervous about the idea of me doing a natural birth last time and when things went wrong he got more skeptical of the idea. He understands why I want to but, it seems impossible in his head. He liked the idea of a doula because then I wasn't relying on him completely, he feels helpless in the natural birth situation.

tokenhoser · June 2013

Do you have any friends or family that have had a positive natural birth in the past? Having someone there with DH might help both of you feel more confident. Even just in the "sooner or later he needs to pee" department. It does sound like you're sort of out of luck for doulas, unless there are any in training that you might be able to find.

PeachsMama · June 2013

I was just lurking on this board because I'm considering a natural birth.

But, If you have a friend, family member, anyone that you're really close to and trust maybe you could have them read the books and be your advocate for you during the birth. I know my husband is just so "it's hurting you it's wrong!" type person that he'll be running down the halls screaming for the epi doctor if I even wince in pain, so my best friend is going to be in there with us (also our birth photographer). Then your husband can be your loving husband and be more relaxed in that role and the other person can have your birth plan and be coaching you.

barnwife · June 2013

A37licia:
Even though you're doing hypnobabies, your DH would benefit from Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. It'll teach him a lot about the process of labor. It's not too "froofy" or whatever and good for a guy to read.

Ditto this.

When I was pregnant with J., we took a 4 week class through our MW (about 7 hours altogether). That class and skimming Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way was all the prepping DH did.

And he has been amazing in both births. It was him who suggested I rock in our Amish rocking chair when I couldn't get comfortable in labor with A. I wanted movement but not to walk (I didn't like standing). He thought for a moment and brought the rocking chair to me.

I would never have thought of it on my own. But I spent hours there, rocking during contractions.

And his counterpressure for back labor has been a huge part of both natural births.

DH also says something similar to a pp's husband. Supporting a woman in labor is all about making her as comfortable as possible. If it looks like something works, don't stop. It she tensing up, yelling, or throwing things at you...stop!

JCWhitey · June 2013

The Bradley Method is a good start. Also I'm not familiar with Hypnobabies but I'm surprised it doesn't have a Birth Partner course to it. I'm doing BlissBorn and all of the classes have a part for the birth partner to help them prepare. It's actually what I love the most about BlissBorn! H says he felt really prepared after the "Lean on Me" exercise in class 2 where he learned to comfort me and help by literally being someone I can lean on. I'm not sure if you can download just one course from these programs, but if you can I'd get that one!

WashingtonQueen · June 2013

Hypnobabies does have a birth partner bit but, it is all about helping keep the mom relaxed and in hypnosis. DH is worried about what to do if the hypnosis doesn't work.

tokenhoser · June 2013

"The Birth Partner" is like the textbook of everything else to try if hypnosis doesn't work. Seriously, buy him a copy tonight. It's a great book.

WashingtonQueen · June 2013

tokenhoser:
"The Birth Partner" is like the textbook of everything else to try if hypnosis doesn't work. Seriously, buy him a copy tonight. It's a great book.

Thanks, Token. I'm on it

zou bisou · June 2013

Dh was my only birth support for both of our med-free births. He was very comfortable with that role though. I think if your Dh is hesitating about his role at the birth, finding a second person to help would be better for you. You don't want to feel like you have to do all the hard work of labor plus be concerned about his confidence and commitment to your birth plan.

So it's probably not going to be a doula. This there a midwife society you could contact and ask for suggestions? Maybe they have names of doctors and nurses that are more supportive of med-free births. Is there a birth center that you can contact for names and suggestions too? What about birth instructors for the Hypnobabies, Bradley or other methods? Maybe the instructors could offer that help or point you to a contact. Sorry your area seems to be a little light on support in this area. I hope you're able to have everything you need come delivery time.

Fired my doula

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