You Want All NEW Stuff?! - Venting

StephanieLove10 · June 2013

This turned out longer than I expected, but here goes:

My husband and I have been married almost five years. It is a second marriage for both of us. Both of us have children who are adults, or nearly adults. My husband is an only child. I have two sisters; both have adult children.

I am currently 28 weeks pregnant after suffering three losses. We are, of course, overjoyed. I waited to announce this pregnancy until I was past "the danger zone". Besides congratulating me, most friends and family with whom I shared the news asked whether I needed anything or where I was registered. Initially, I wasn't planning on registering, but I read on one of these boards that most stores send registrants "completion certificates/coupons", and who couldn't use an extra 10 - 20% off baby gear?

So, we registered. As things go on sale, I've been buying them myself because I don't want to count on having a shower or receiving lots of gifts from the registry.

Today, my husband asked me to call his mother, who lives 2,000 miles away, to let her know we registered. I really couldn't be bothered because, due to some past incidents, I've learned to have pretty low expectations when it comes to our relationship.

Me: How are you? How are things? Chit chat. Chit chat. Feeling great, baby is great, next anatomy scan on Monday, chit chat. Hubby wanted me to let you know that we're registered at...

MIL: Babies R Us? I know. But really, you want all NEW stuff?!

Me: Well, yes. I got hand me downs for my first two pregnancies, but that was when I had a lot of close friends or family all having babies around the same time.

MIL: I had SIX children and never had a baby shower. My first child slept in a hand me down crib and I used that same crib for every baby. Times are really tough these days.

I ended the conversation shortly after that. I am fully aware that no one is under any obligation to buy a damn thing for my son. But my MIL? Insinuating that there's something wrong with wanting new things for your child? Her grandchild? Especially knowing our situation? Mind you, she expects us to come "as soon as possible" after the birth so she can meet her new grandson. She lives in an area of the country with no direct flights, and another hour from the nearest airport. But she sees absolutely nothing wrong with asking us to come to her since she "gave up flying".

I came here to vent because if my sisters or friends hear one more of these kinds of stories, I'll get, "I don't know why you even bother" and at this point, I don't have a good answer.

playball13 · June 2013

Your MIL sounds like a joy

I'm sorry she is acting this way. Of course you want new stuff - your children are almost adults. Do you even have their baby stuff anymore? My son is only 5 and we gave away almost everything. We thought we were going to be a one and done family but changed our minds. I think there is nothing wrong with doing a registry and using the completion certificates/coupons. You never know who might want to get you something, even if there is no shower.

StephanieLove10 · June 2013

pinkshoes1975:
Your MIL sounds like a joy I'm sorry she is acting this way. Of course you want new stuff - your children are almost adults. Do you even have their baby stuff anymore? My son is only 5 and we gave away almost everything. We thought we were going to be a one and done family but changed our minds. I think there is nothing wrong with doing a registry and using the completion certificates/coupons. You never know who might want to get you something, even if there is no shower.

Thanks Pink. This is exactly what I was thinking. There's nothing wrong with wanting new things, and besides, I gave away the last of my baby things at least 15 years ago. My youngest nephew is starting college this year. My best friend's children are in high school. So who exactly would I get used things from anyway? I consider myself to be a thrifty person, but especially after the losses, I want nice, new things for the baby. Does that mean she, or anyone else, has to run out and buy anything from the registry? Of course not. But don't begrudge me even wanting new things!

Ohiomama2013 · June 2013

Unless you had some sort of family heirloom furniture, it would be creepy if you had kept everything from your grown children's nursery. My girl will be 9 when this one is born and I haven't saved anything.
I would tell her she's not obligated to buy anything for her grandson. It sounds like she'd make you regret accepting something from her anyway.

10-4LilBuddy · June 2013

Ugh. She sounds like a peach. Why would you have hand me downs when your kids are so much older? Plus, safety standards are so different. Don't worry about what she says. It sounds like she will have a contrary opinion no matter what you do.

Geeps2 · June 2013

Ugh! As OP have mentioned using old cribs and such just isn't even safe anymore with all the new safety regulations. I have a 15 month old and was thinking of doing a registry just for the coupons you get. In no way do I want and or need a baby shower. No one will even know I have it. I'm just trying to save myself some $. You are a better woman than I. I would have never called her in the first place. I would have had my husband do it. Good Luck and enjoy shopping. Forget about that crank pot.

Carnation77 · June 2013

I think this is a generational thing. My MIL saved ALL my husband's baby stuff and wants me to use it. I think she's insane. No way am I using baby stuff that is, at best, over 30 years old (and possibly much much older than that). She mails it to me, and I put it in a bin

I don't know when the U.S. started enforcing a lot of safety standards for kids stuff and doing recalls, but if that's not something she worried about when she had kids then she's not going to think about it with your kid. Just chalk it up as crazy old lady talk and don't worry about it.

StephanieLove10 · June 2013

Thanks everyone. As some have surmised, she is both "something else" and from a different generation.

I've had a day to calm down, and although I'm still peeved it's not the worst thing she's ever said, and I know it won't be the last off base thing she ever says.

Thanks for all the support.

simple7 · June 2013

I have people in my life that are similar. I would like to encourage you to encourage your husband to have conversations with his mother not you. The "core" of that women is not going to change. When it comes to traveling with your new baby ...at your expense? Please consider the safety of you and your baby. You both are more susceptible to bacteria's. It just may be time for Grandma to make some sacrifices. Send a picture or a video. Let your husband do the talking. I wish you and your family the best. Remember you n baby don't need the stress..PERIOD..:)

StephanieLove10 · June 2013

simple7:
I have people in my life that are similar. I would like to encourage you to encourage your husband to have conversations with his mother not you. The "core" of that women is not going to change. When it comes to traveling with your new baby ...at your expense? Please consider the safety of you and your baby. You both are more susceptible to bacteria's. It just may be time for Grandma to make some sacrifices. Send a picture or a video. Let your husband do the talking. I wish you and your family the best. Remember you n baby don't need the stress..PERIOD..:)

Thank you. Sometimes you know things, but you need to hear them from an objective person.

OleMissBride · June 2013

She sounds like fun!!! DD is only 16 months old and although we will be using a lot of her stuff for this baby, who doesn't want new stuff???!!?? I had even said ill use the same linens since #2 is a girl also- but honestly if I can find something I like for reasonable cost I would like to update the nursery. We did owls with DD and I want #2 to have her own identity!

ButtonsEberlin · June 2013

New marriage, new baby...there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting NEW items. I don't think you should have even had to tell her where you are registered...she should have asked you directly, but I get the impression she wouldn't bother to. Funny she tells you, "Times are tough these days" but she expects you to pay out of pocket to travel far to see her after the baby is born. Good grief.

If you want new items for your new baby, this is your choice and there is nothing wrong with this.

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