2nd baby shower ?

KELLILOVESJOSH · June 2013

Is a baby shower for 2 tacky if the kids are 10yrs apart and a different sex? I don't like the idea of 2nd showers but this is my sil's situation and I feel like if its just immediate family and her two best friends it would be ok. What do ya'll think? She also due about a month after her bday..maybe I could do a bday party with a little note to bring gifts for baby Instead of mom.. Idk she's such a sweet person and have been trying for so long, I just want her to feel special

mben1119 · June 2013

Still tacky. She's not a FTM, she can buy her own stuff, and it isn't anyone else's fault she waited 10 years between kids.

And don't have a shower for her under the guise of a birthday party. Lame, tacky, and rude to try to dictate the gifts someone might bring.

And why is she having gift-giving birthday parties at her age? Ew.

tilsonc · June 2013

I would take her to the spa or do something else for her. 2nd showers are not common in my circle so I wouldn't want one (if it was me).

RoxyLynn · June 2013

There are lots of ways to make her feel special without a shower. Take her to lunch with a friend or two, treat her to a spa day, whatever, but showers are for first-time Moms.

EastCoastBride · June 2013

For a GOOD friend, after 10 years, I know I'd want to do something too. While I'm largely in the "showers are for FTM" camp, if something truly SMALL is thrown - I wouldn't side-eye it.

But - I never, ever understand what being a different sex has to do w/ it. If a parent registered for gender specific items, then that's on THEM. So what if their boy is in a pink car seat? I'm not going to go buy anyone new baby things JUST because their old stuff is the 'wrong' color.

ordinary1 · June 2013

Showers are for FTMs.

KELLILOVESJOSH · June 2013

It would only be like 6 people, and they all would buy gifts anyway, so maybe I can just take everybody out to brunch and celebrate that way. The spa is a good idea too..ESP since like 4 or the 6 will be preggers too ha. And she doesn't have gift giving bday parties ha, It would just be a good time for everyone to get together because my MIL does a cake for her boys and DIL's every year no matter what, it's just an excuse to get together and BBQ and eat cake.

Helenahhandbasket · June 2013

It's nice that you want to do something for her, but I just don't think it's appropriate.

Why don't you take her out to lunch, have a "girls" day or just buy her a nice present?

t loves r · June 2013

EastCoastBride:
For a GOOD friend, after 10 years, I know I'd want to do something too.nbsp; While I'm largely in the "showers are for FTM" camp, if something truly SMALL is thrown I wouldn't sideeye it.nbsp;

I agree with this. I would feel the same as you and want to do something for her as well. Others have good suggestions of a spa day or ladies lunch. You could also offer to hang out with her ten year old while she has a day to herself to do whatever she pleases.

74dragonfly · June 2013

A ten year gap between showers if the guest list is as small as you say is OK IMO. Immediate family and two friends sounds like a great way to celebrate. But dont do the birthday thing.

PrimRoseMama · June 2013

KELLILOVESJOSH:
Is a baby shower for 2 tacky if the kids are 10yrs apart and a different sex?

Short answer: Yes.

I don't understand why the 10 years apart thing is a good justification? Can someone who believes this explain it? Its not your guests/family/friends' fault that you chose to have kids far apart and gave away all your baby stuff. So, why do you expect or think its alright to ask them to foot the bill and give you things?

I also don't understand the different sex justification. Someone tried to ask me if I was having a shower for this baby (its a boy and my first is DD) because its a boy. I asked them and they couldn't give me an answer. Its on the parents if they chose a bunch of pink crap and not gender neutral stuff the first time around. That is no one's fault except theirs. Why should you ask others to foot the blue stuff second time around? I don't get it.

KELLILOVESJOSH:
She also due about a month after her bday..maybe I could do a bday party with a little note to bring gifts for baby Instead of mom.

No, please don't. Keep her birthday and the baby shower separate. They are two entirely different gift-giving events. This could confuse guests and they may feel obligated to bring two gifts.

Can you host a small dinner for her with a handful of people? That is still a good way to make her feel special and not beg for gifts. I feel for those that are TFAS for a long time (or perhaps suffering secondary IF), but that doesn't necessarily make it ok to throw them a second shower (strictly according to etiquette). You can celebrate this person without begging for gifts from others. Those that want to buy her things can do so without a special party to announce it.

PunkyBooster · June 2013

Everything ECB said. But I think a shower with her immediate family and 2 bffs is fine. Very nice of you!

Sam Buttons · June 2013

While I am anti second shower, I think this situation warrants a little something special. If its just close family and a couple friends, why not have something small to celebrate? Especially if she has been trying for a long time, it makes sense to celebrate a little.

Khaleesi07 · June 2013

What really matters is if the six people being invited think it's tacky. If they don't then don't give a rat's behind what others who won't be invited think, and have the small shower.

I'm normally not a fan of second showers either, but I think what the small amount of people involved 'want' trumps something as subjective as etiquette in this instance.

S90Hudd · June 2013

If you want to throw her a shower I say do it. Baby stuff is expensive and I'm sure the help would be appreciated. If people want to side eye and not show up that's their decision, people who care and want to show up won't mind.

Texasmomma13 · June 2013

KELLILOVESJOSH:
It would only be like 6 people, and they all would buy gifts anyway, so maybe I can just take everybody out to brunch and celebrate that way. The spa is a good idea too..ESP since like 4 or the 6 will be preggers too ha. And she doesn't have gift giving bday parties ha, It would just be a good time for everyone to get together because my MIL does a cake for her boys and DIL's every year no matter what, it's just an excuse to get together and BBQ and eat cake.

If I were you in this situation, I would get in contact with 6ladies. See if They would be open to a girls day with lunch and a trip to the spa. That way she feels celebrated. The other preggos get an excuse to pamper themselves, and u get to feel like you've done something special for her. It's a win win in my book. I wouldn't do anything any bigger though, regardless of how much time has passed between pregnancies and the reason why.

lollipoppoop · June 2013

KELLILOVESJOSH:
Is a baby shower for 2 tacky if the kids are 10yrs apart and a different sex? I don't like the idea of 2nd showers but this is my sil's situation and I feel like if its just immediate family and her two best friends it would be ok. What do ya'll think? She also due about a month after her bday..maybe I could do a bday party with a little note to bring gifts for baby Instead of mom.. Idk she's such a sweet person and have been trying for so long, I just want her to feel special

I don't think this is tacky at all! I say do it

nurseclare9 · June 2013

My friend recently had one and her older kids were quite a bit older. I didn't think it was weird..I don't think anyone else did.

kt012885 · June 2013

I think if you did something small with close family and friends- you should! I woudn't make it for her bday but maybe have it someone's house- or rent a room at a restaurant? I think that's a really nice thing to do and she'd probably really appreciate it!

LeahV78 · June 2013

I think a shower would be better than a spa day. If I were a guest, I'd rather bring a gift for the baby than have to shell out $$$$ for a spa day and lunch on top of it. Plus, as a guest- I would still feel the need to bring a gift. Instead of spending $25-$50 on a gift, I'm spending $150 for spa, lunch, and gift. JMO

zazu13 · June 2013

mben1119:
Still tacky. She's not a FTM, she can buy her own stuff, and it isn't anyone else's fault she waited 10 years between kids.

The poster said she tried for a long time. It sounds like it wasn't her fault either.

I'm just lurking, but I agree with PP's that if you and the other 6 gals like the idea, I think it's very kind and generous of you. Congrats to the mom-to-be and lucky her for having kind people in her life.

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