One and Done Help
I?m about 90% sure I am one and done. I have an almost 5 year old son who is great, but who had a lot of health issues when he was a baby. I also had severe PPD/PPA. I?m almost 35 so I feel like I?ve got to poop already or get off the pot and stop going back and forth already. Here is my list of positives and negatives. What do you think?
Positives
More money
More time
More vacations
Going out more
Get another dog
More nice clothes (things) for dh, ds, and myself
I can take all my meds, eat, and drink all I want (no pregnancy)
Less stress
Less worry
Less bills
Negatives
DS wont experience a sibling
I may deeply regret it when I?m too old to have another baby
Never experience another pregnancy
Never experience caring for another baby
Never getting the chance to have a girl
Lonely when I?m old
Re: One and Done Help
Honestly, I think you can strike a few more of those off your negatives list!
For one, your son not having a sibling is not a guaranteed negative. I would not approach it in that way. There are some really good threads on this board where people talk about siblings. Basically, just because your son does not have a sibling does not make him any less happy, or friendly than anyone else. You really can't declare it a negative.
For me, not experiencing pregnancy or caring for a newborn are on the positive list!
Lastly, the fear you will be lonely when you are old. Do you really think that if you had another child you would be a less lonely elderly person? It's not our children's job to keep us company as we age. In fact, kids tend to go off and lead their own lives.
You have a great list of positives and really only a few negatives. Go with your gut!
Even if you think the negatives are huge, I think the positives much outweigh any negative you have on the list.
I agree that a few of those can easily be removed
I agree with all of your positives (except getting another dog---not a huge dog fan). I count not having to experience another pregnancy as a positive! I also got my "fill" of caring for a baby with DS :-) It was great and challenging but I don't want to do it again.
In regards to being lonely, don't you have some friends and a husband? The never having a girl, could possibly be looked at as a negative but I'm a firm believer in what's for you is for you---meaning, if you have a boy, than that's what you're supposed to have.
I agree, go with what you think is best for you.
I think there are way more positives than you have listed.
Also, if you look at your negative list, a lot of those things are VERY temporary (another pregnancy and caring for another baby). Those moments are so fleeting in the grand scheme of things. I think it is really common to feel wistful for a little baby because we are able to idealize what that experience was like. I had a HORRIBLE time the first 4 months and even I look back and miss the cute little nugget in footie pajamas. I have definitely selectively remembered what those first few months were like.
As PP said, the experience of a sibling won't be a big deal to your child because they don't know any different, I am an only, and while I sometimes look at close adult siblings and think that they are lucky, I have MANY close relationships in my life and don't have to deal with the headache that siblings can bring. I don't ever look at siblings now, as a 31 year old and wish I had one. I loved being an only.
Having a girl myself, I do understand the sadness in not experiencing having a girl, however, as you know, you can't guarantee a girl with a subsequent pregnancy.
Also as PP said, it isn't our kids job to keep us company when we are old.
I think the only really legit negative on your list is the bit about regret. Because you might regret it. But you also might not.
As far as everything else I agree with the others that having a sibling isn't a guaranteed great experience, your children aren't supposed to be responsible for you when you're old, the pregnancy/caring for a baby thing is really fleeting and what if you have another boy?
I think your positive list far outweighs the negative.