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August 2012 Moms
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Im venting here.

JayandEmmJayandEmm member
in August 2012 Moms
MIL got out of the hospital 2 weeks ago, she was in there for a week with kidney failure. DH's aunt took off that week, so she's back at work now and cannot check on MIL like usual, because she's working overtime. So H has been checking on her every.single.day when he gets off work. He has barely been home in the evenings, and I've been putting ds to bed by myself. He's working late tonight [he gets off at 9], and he just called and said he has to go by his mom's. More than likely he'll be there for at least half an hour [like every night], and I'll be in bed before he gets home.

MIL is mentally unstable, and when she has medical problems she gets extremely needy. She's been throwing tantrums, and her hoarding has gotten out of control in the last 2 weeks. I told H that ds and I have barely seen him, and he was like "you're just going to have to deal; you know my mom is fragile right now".

After a while, the check ins won't be necessary, and she's going to "play" him. I know how she rolls.
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Re: Im venting here.

  • jessalynn521jessalynn521 member
    That sounds like a frustrating situation. On the one hand I am sure you love that he is there for the people he cares about, but on the other hand it is very hard when you don't get to spend quality time with your spouse. I will just hope that MIL gets well soon and that your H realizes when she no longer actually needs to be checked in on.
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  • ashS10309ashS10309
    Sorry your dealing with this that really sucks. Hopefully your DH will realize you guys need his attention too! Hope you all get to spend some time together soon.
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  • JessiP613JessiP613 member

    I'm sorry to hear this. I am sure it is a tough situation to deal with - mental illness really affects the whole family, not just the person who is sick. Does your MIL have any mental health or disability related services? Maybe if she had some sort of SCL worker then YH and other family members could get a bit of a break and not feel the need to check on her every single day.

    I hope things get better for you all soon!

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  • JayandEmmJayandEmm member
    imagejessalynn521:
    That sounds like a frustrating situation. On the one hand I am sure you love that he is there for the people he cares about, but on the other hand it is very hard when you don't get to spend quality time with your spouse. I will just hope that MIL gets well soon and that your H realizes when she no longer actually needs to be checked in on.
    Unfortunately, she always needs to be checked in on. Usually he would check in 2 or 3 times a week [DH's aunt checked in the rest of the week], very briefly. No problem.

    Check ins lately have ranged between 30 minutes and 3 hours. Apparently, if he tries to leave she throws a tantrum.
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  • JayandEmmJayandEmm member
    imageJessiP613:
    I'm sorry to hear this. I am sure it is a tough situation to deal with mental illness really affects the whole family, not just the person who is sick. Does your MIL have any mental health or disability related services? Maybe if she had some sort of SCL worker then YH and other family members could get a bit of a break and not feel the need to check on her every single day. I hope things get better for you all soon!
    She has every service imaginable. She even has someone to clean her house. For free.

    The only family she has left that are close is her brother and sister, and H. She's very dependent on seeing one of them at least every day. They usually alternate throughout the week, but DH's aunt took a lot of days off work so she can't come for the time being.

    She's literally like a baby and has extreme separation anxiety.
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  • jessalynn521jessalynn521 member

    imageJayandEmm:
    imagejessalynn521:
    That sounds like a frustrating situation. On the one hand I am sure you love that he is there for the people he cares about, but on the other hand it is very hard when you don't get to spend quality time with your spouse. I will just hope that MIL gets well soon and that your H realizes when she no longer actually needs to be checked in on.
    Unfortunately, she always needs to be checked in on. Usually he would check in 2 or 3 times a week [DH's aunt checked in the rest of the week], very briefly. No problem. Check ins lately have ranged between 30 minutes and 3 hours. Apparently, if he tries to leave she throws a tantrum.

    Ohh. I see. Well maybe just talk with him and agree on a maximum amount of time for one check in and if his mom tries to throw a tantrum make sure he is willing to stick with it. It is really sad when children's parents try to manipulate them. 

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  • LissaLynn0682LissaLynn0682 member

    I can relate. My MiL had a brain tumor removed in February and there were complications. DH was driving 50 miles away every night to see her. When she came home after a month he informed me that we will be doing all of their grocery shopping and cooking because his dad doesn't know how. Uhhhh....that went over like a lead balloon.

    After a zillion fights, DH ended up figuring it out on his own. He couldn't manage his own job and family when he was at their every beckon call. He weaned them off of it within a couple weeks. We haven't cooked or shopped for them since and I bet he only stops over there every other week.

    i hope your DH figures out that your family can't balance it all, too. 

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