Today was one of those days... {vent}

MJC1116 · June 2013

Went out with DD, a huge treat since I work full time (but since I'm a teacher I get summers off ). We had a great morning -- rode the merry-go-round at the mall, had a nice lunch, etc. But I was SURROUNDED by pregnant women, moms with young babies... I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself dealing with all this IF crap. I know that's the wrong attitude, and I tried to remind myself how incredibly blessed I am to have DD and to be able to spend time with her like this. But my focus at lunch was disrupted by a table across from us - one woman with her infant child, and two other women talking about their very early pregnancies. I think I turned green from jealousy, even as they talked about fatigue and morning sickness.

DH reminds me to consider that everyone's road to pregnancy is different, and who knows how hard or easy it was for those women to conceive. And that maybe it's a good sign to see so many pregnant women...maybe it's our turn next. It just makes me so grumpy to be surrounded and to constantly react negatively to someone's bump. Okay, vent over.

mrsbnlmel · June 2013

Positive husbands...blah, blah. You know all of those women conceived at the drop of a hat, or better yet got knocked up while they were still on birth control! They all have picture perfect pregnancies with no complications and have flat stomachs the day after they give birth to baby #4. They probably get to hang out at the mall all day because they don't have to work, yet still have money to buy $400 diaper bags. I see them all the time and I hate them all too. You shouldn't feel bad at all!!

Obviously I'm kidding and obviously your DH is right. We will never know someone else's struggle. Sometimes though, you just have to be pissed off. You have to look at someone else and be green with jealousy. You have to hate them for a second, because you can't look at IF in the face and hate it. You have to project that frustration on someone. You deserve it every once in while. And you are SOOO not alone. Hugs MJC!

roughkat · June 2013

It's so hard, isn't it? It turns you into this selfish person that you don't recognize or even really like. I skipped a friend's baby shower because AF showed that morning and it was after my first round of Clomid and our timing was perfect. I just thought, "I cannot do this." And I called her and talked with her and explained afterwards and she was so gracious and understanding but it still sucks. I'm so sorry and please know that there are other people who understand what you are going through. The toughest for me is seeing people with kids DS's age or younger who have babies as well.

jennbean79 · June 2013

Sometimes it feels like everybody else is pregnant and super fertile, doesn't it? The other night I had a dream that I was pregnant. I could feel the bump and the baby kicking, and it all just felt so real. I had pretty much forgotten about it when I woke up, but then I took DS to open gym the next morning. There were 4 super pregnant women there with their toddlers. Seeing all of their bumps reminded me of my dream, and definitely made me want to cry. All I could do was hope that I'd be in their shoes soon.

KC1212 · June 2013

The first time around, before I conceived DS. I had a close girlfriend of mine get pregnant first. but that's not the worst part : the kicker is that she didn't know it and didn't find out until she went to the ER for vomiting and what she thought was af cramps they did a vaginal ultrasound and THAT was how she found out she was 6 weeks pregnant. Talk about lucky!

I was pissed at the time bc that would never happen to me! Haha.

AprilDrew04 · June 2013

I think we all have our days. I agree that it turns me into someone that I don't really like. I was having such a hard time dealing with IF, that I wouldn't let my sister tell me almost anything about her 1st pregnancy. I felt really bad after, but just could not deal with it at the time.

It's hard because where-ever I go there are pregnant women, or people with a child and a small baby, or just people with multiple young children. It feels like everyone else has what I want.

I just keep reminding myself that God has something special in store for me and I need to be patient.

MJC1116 · June 2013

Thanks for the love and reassurance, ladies. Mrsbnl... you totally made me laugh, because those are ALL the thoughts I think of whenever I see a pregnant lady! I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Secretly (maybe), I think that since I once was one of those fertile myrtles, I'm allowed to get angry at them now. How do you go from getting pregnant the VERY FIRST TIME you tried to then being infertile just 2 years later?!?! I don't get it.

You all are right... so thank you for validating my feelings. April, I try to remind myself that I need to be patient and that God has a plan for me too.. I just really worry that the plan is to have one child. I'm an only child (have 2 half sister/1 half brother), and I always look at DH and his relationships with his siblings and get a little jealous. I hope that my daughter can have that type of a relationship, too.

Hugs to you all!! We will make it through this!!

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