Maybe I am wording things wrong

I know it is so fresh with the death of my boys and they will not be back. I am a very strong person and know that with happiness in life comes tragedies. I know that with good comes bad. I think in my case I have more anger than grief over the loss of my boys. I think let alone my job was laborious but I had very incompetent doctors and nurses caring for me. I went to the doctors at least 30 times thru out the pregnancy and was never referred to a specialist. I had one doctor in particular that I went to 4 times that refused to check me and would send me home. I knew something wasn't right for over 2 weeks and went there, called there day after day and same thing you are fine without checking. I had over 15 ultrasounds done. All they had to do was put me on bed rest or refer me to someone who knew more about twins. I know I will not start trying again until 3-4 months. I have already spoken with doctors that agree my care was not right and has accepted me as a patient. I have 3 appointments set up for follow up and to see a grief counselor. I may seem I am rushing to have another baby, but I know that my next pregnancy will be handled differently. Everyone handles grief differently. I finished all funeral arrangements today and my boys will laid to rest this week. I will be out of work for 8 weeks and will not stop until that hospital gives me answers. I wouldn't ever want another women to go thru this. These babies were truly wanted, I will never forget them. These babies were born breathing and wanted to live, they held on as long as possible. I am not scared to try again that's all I can do. Hopefully if things go as planned I will have more babies that bring me joy.