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Blended Families
2chatter
member
Summer Change of Plans
2chatter
member
Mostly a vent, but looking for some constructive input on how to reframe.....or ideas on how to get through this.
Background: Exh and I have a decent coparenting relationship. He has some serious Peter Pan issues that resulted in our divorce. They persist and he lives in a shady motel. For the last few months he has picked up the girls (ages 9 and 5) during the day on his time, and sometimes when they don't have other plans, and spent time with them. I sometimes send board games (great to play in coffee shops) or they go swimming or whatnot. He assured me he would be in an apartment before July 1, for his month of parenting time. Yesterday he told me he will not be in an apartment and would like to pick them up during the day to see them.
The issue: I am SO frustrated. We are in the middle of the move process - I need to pack the house and do a lot of little projects to get our current home ready to list. DH travels full time for work. I was going to get all of these things done while the girls were with exh. Not going to be the case now. And flame me if you wish, but I parent three children almost full time and work 50 hours a week and was really looking forward to the "break" of the girls being with their Dad. Essentially, he will take them for fun and I get to do getting dressed, hygeine, bedtime, etc. for a month. When do I just get to be the fun parent? Trying to see the silver lining that at least he will entertain them and I won't have to pay for day care or camp (I do not typically receive CS from exh). I entertained getting a summer membership to a gym with a pool with the express reason being so exh could take them for fun and shower them in the family locker room. I know that makes me sound lazy, but when they come home tired, cranky and wishing they could just spend the night with their Dad - and this is going to be every day for a month - shoot me. I can only hear so much of "I don't want to be here I want to be with Daddy" and have an appropriate, patient response. Totally open to a mantra or cocktail recipes....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Summer Change of Plans
Otherwise the only thing that gets me through a stressful time is making sure that after the kids are in bed, I try not to do too much work and just relax for a while. DH and I will sit on our back porch and drink some wine and chat. Having a few hours to decompress generally helps me feel human again and gets me through the next day.
My cocktail recipe is to open up a bottle of your favorite wine or vodka and insert straw!! Ok, insert straw if you're feeling particularly lady-like. If not, bring bottle to mouth and then tip back bottle. Drink!!
No flames from me! I hate that the irresponsible parent usually gets to be the "fun" one and the responsible parent is always on clean-up duty. That sucks donkey balls!
You know what? The gym membership is not a terrible idea. I don't know what I'd do in your shoes. I went through something similar with my step-kids and their deadbeat mom. It's hard all the way around.
I think DH would flip at him putting the kids down. I can see it being a long, drawn out process (he has no limits and poor boundaries, so he would not understand that 1) the kids go down and it's not a negotiation and 2) I don't want to hang out all evening). I wish that was more viable! I hate that I am so frustrated - I did have a small epiphany though. This does not have to be every day. I can set limits and do drop in care for the younger child (which she loves).
AND DH pointed out that as we are out of town for the 4th, the girls will be coming with us. Typically we have the girls for part of the 4th as exh lived at the lake we go to for the holiday. He no longer does, and as has happened in previous years, they will come with us. That is an upside - they will get to go to SS' graduation party (if SS shows up) and set off fireworks with us.