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My turn to complain about vacation

CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
in Blended Families

Every year we have this issue with BM.  DH proposes a date for our week vacation, BM vetoes the first pick.  DH proposes a different week, BM tries to veto the alternate week.  We send her a copy of the CO showing that there is no caveat about vetoing or having vacation time approved and BM grumbles, fights and curses then backs down.  Every.  Stinking.  Year.

This year, DH text BM May 12th proposing dates and BM vetoed them because she already bought concert tickets for her and K.  3 days later DH proposed alternate dates and never heard back.  Today BM emails him the dates she  wants and before agreeing, DH tries to confirm with her the dates he asked for.  Cue the dumb charade.  BM claims she has "no record" of the dates DH requested and had she known she wouldn't have made plans to go out of town with K for that time.  DH takes a screen shot of the text and sends it to BM and she tries to tell him to take a different week.  A week that already includes his 4 day weekend and midweek visit, so he would only really be using 2 days of "vacation" time.  Um, no. You don't get to dictate to us when we take our vacation, and you don't get to short DH on time.

Once again, we have to get the attorney involved to send BM a letter explaining the CO to her and threaten an Ex Parte if she doesn't comply.  I really hate this.  Why can't she just follow the damn CO? Why does she have to make it so frigging difficult every year?

End vent.

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Re: My turn to complain about vacation

  • Sunday924Sunday924 member
    This is exactly how BM is. She plays dumb and acts like she has no idea what we are talking about. DH calls her out and has proof every single time but yet she still trys to lie.
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  • 2chatter2chatter member

    UGH I feel your pain.  Sorry you are going through this, it is not any fun at all.

     

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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    What a waste of time, energy and money for you guys. As for BM, she is a waste of space.

    Hope it all works out for you and the family, Jo!
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • IlumineIlumine member

    Again, this is exactly why DH INSISTED that there were specific dates written into the CO.  

    They split the summer equally (after giving the kids the first week off and having them back into their perspective homes the week before school starts). 

    The parent who DID NOT have spring break gets the kids for the beginning of the summer.

    He did that because he was in the miltitary and was/would be stationed overseas and needed to ensure that the dates were as specific and set as early as possible so he could buy tickets on the cheap.

    I have suggested this to three different friends and they have all used it (with some variables) and love it.

     

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imageIlumine:

    Again, this is exactly why DH INSISTED that there were specific dates written into the CO.  

    *Sigh*

    I suggested this back when DH and BM were ironing out a holiday schedule (after 4 years of not having one).  I sincerely thought it would make everyone's lives easier if they were "assigned" specific dates.  But our attorney said that by locking ourselves into a certain timeframe, there isn't any flexibility if things come up.  And he was absolutely correct.  The time we used for vacation last Summer we wouldn't be able to use this Summer because of the new school calendar (the girls start 3 weeks earlier).  Things come up and obviously a reasonable person would want to be able to accommodate and work with the other parent. 

    Key word: reasonable. 

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  • IlumineIlumine member
    imagejobalchak:
    imageIlumine:

    Again, this is exactly why DH INSISTED that there were specific dates written into the CO.  

    *Sigh*

    I suggested this back when DH and BM were ironing out a holiday schedule (after 4 years of not having one).  I sincerely thought it would make everyone's lives easier if they were "assigned" specific dates.  But our attorney said that by locking ourselves into a certain timeframe, there isn't any flexibility if things come up.  And he was absolutely correct.  The time we used for vacation last Summer we wouldn't be able to use this Summer because of the new school calendar (the girls start 3 weeks earlier).  Things come up and obviously a reasonable person would want to be able to accommodate and work with the other parent. 

    Key word: reasonable. 

    It's not DATES (ie June 1st, but days from).

    Example:  Summer visitation is to start no earlier than 9am, the first Monday one full week from the last day of school.  

    So if the last day of school is June 13, the first monday after one full week would be June 24th.  If the last Official day of school is June 7th then the first Monday after a full week would be June 17th.  

    Ex: Summer visitation ends Sunday and one full week from the first day of school.  So if school starts August 19, the kids had to be back on August 11. 

    As for changes, other than things like weddings or graduations, I am not sure what it matters.

    If its your two weeks for visitation, then its your two weeks.  If you cannot get your vacation time to match up, then like any other intact family, you find daycare and make do.

    I can think of 3 vacations over a 10 year period that we had to cancel because of my Dad or sister or brother's other commitments.  And yes, that meant a boring summer at home.  But you are STILL WITH YOUR KIDS.  

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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    imageIlumine:
    imagejobalchak:
    imageIlumine:

    Again, this is exactly why DH INSISTED that there were specific dates written into the CO.  

    *Sigh*

    I suggested this back when DH and BM were ironing out a holiday schedule (after 4 years of not having one).  I sincerely thought it would make everyone's lives easier if they were "assigned" specific dates.  But our attorney said that by locking ourselves into a certain timeframe, there isn't any flexibility if things come up.  And he was absolutely correct.  The time we used for vacation last Summer we wouldn't be able to use this Summer because of the new school calendar (the girls start 3 weeks earlier).  Things come up and obviously a reasonable person would want to be able to accommodate and work with the other parent. 

    Key word: reasonable. 

    It's not DATES (ie June 1st, but days from).

    Example:  Summer visitation is to start no earlier than 9am, the first Monday one full week from the last day of school.  

    So if the last day of school is June 13, the first monday after one full week would be June 24th.  If the last Official day of school is June 7th then the first Monday after a full week would be June 17th.  

    Ex: Summer visitation ends Sunday and one full week from the first day of school.  So if school starts August 19, the kids had to be back on August 11. 

    As for changes, other than things like weddings or graduations, I am not sure what it matters.

    If its your two weeks for visitation, then its your two weeks.  If you cannot get your vacation time to match up, then like any other intact family, you find daycare and make do.

    I can think of 3 vacations over a 10 year period that we had to cancel because of my Dad or sister or brother's other commitments.  And yes, that meant a boring summer at home.  But you are STILL WITH YOUR KIDS.  

    Oh I see.  Yeah, days would be much easier to handle.  And specifying when in the Summer (after school ends, before school begins) would have been a good idea.  I know that's how the Winter Break and Spring Break are broken up. 

    The only thing that we really try to accommodate when it comes to BM is when her brother (K's Uncle) comes to visit in the Summer from college.  Because BM has pretty much always lived with Gma, K is really close to her Uncles to the point where they're basically older brothers to her.  She had a really rough time when J moved away for college, so when we know he's visiting we try and work things out so K can spend more time with him.  But other than that, we basically tell BM she needs to plan better.

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