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Fed up--- opinions/advice please!

Thai527Thai527 member
in Blended Families

Hello all. I dont even know how to fully word this....

DS is 10 years old. He has asthma, food and seasonal allergies. His father is aware of all of this and has attended some doctors appts. Despite going to one of the appt approx 2 yrs ago and specifically asking if our son could have a dog and being told NO....he got a dog anyway. DS' blood test showed the severity of all allergens and dog was high on the list. Since then, DS has required his inhaler and neb more frequently there and had other allergy symptoms (itchy eyes, runny/stuffy nose etc.) BD claims the dog was his wifes idea and he agrees it needs to leave. I have heard this story for over a year now. He will say he is finding a home for the dog and still nothing happens. We have altered visitation and excluded overnights to reduce his exposure.

I am beyond frustrated with the delay and this affecting DS time with his father. He wants to be there and now he feels bad because the dog makes him sick. How do you put a child in that situation when you, the parent, are being careless. As recent as Sunday, DS returned with allergy symptoms and was miserable the rest of the night. He returns with dog hair on his clothes, he is not sheltered from the dog and his stepmother now has told him he can pet the dog and wash his hands!!!!! What!!!!

We have had endless conversations about this, texts, emails. I am tired of the lies and 'stories'. Are you getting rid of the dog for your son or not?? And if so, when?

Short of saying DS is just not going over there (which is not what I want for DS), What can I do? Thank you for listening...This is part question and vent :) 

Maybe somebody from the outside looking in can shed some light because this seems so simple and straight forward to me. Isnt this as careless as if I fed him food he is allergic to?

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Re: Fed up--- opinions/advice please!

  • 2chatter2chatter member
    Insane. SS has allergies and asthsma and before he ever stayed here I got rid of all triggers - including Bath and Body air plug ins. Turns out BM has those, does not dust, wash sheets, and many other things. It made me insane because she is custodial and SS was often sick. In your situation, off the top of my head can exh spend time with DS out of the house? It sounds harder than it is, especially in the summer. My ex lives in a hotel, not a nice one, so he spends daytime hours during his PT doing things with them. Their time spans places like bookstores, libraries, parks, restaurants, zoos, pools, friends' houses....when he gets stuck he and I brainstorm so he is still getting to spend time with them.
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  • PamelacakePamelacake member

    oh Gosh.. I'm sorry.. X needs to put his foot down with SM if it's her wanting to keep the dog and X actually wants to be involved. Why would anyone want to put their child in that situation is beyond me.. It's preventable and It doesn't take a year to find a good home for a dog.

    My 5yo SD has a bit of asthma and BM was asked not to smoke around her as I was having to give her treatments on a daily basis.. sometimes twice a day in the wintertime. BM had SD for 3 hours and couldn't step outside of the car to smoke in April. SD came back smelling like 1/2 of a bottle of love spell was dumped on her to try to cover it up. I  really like love spell but I had her change her clothes because it was waaayyy too much. When SD first walked in the door she said BM was smoking in the car. SD knows no one is to smoke around her. SD hates sitting still for the treatments so she doesn't want it either.

    It sounds like X needs to man up and decide.. more time with child.. or dog.

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    Unfortunately you can't restrict visitation without it being agreed upon or court ordered. And maybe that's just what you do. Tell them, per doctor's orders, there is he is not to be around dogs and if they do not address the situation within 60 days, you will file for modification in visitation.  His dad can arrange to see his child out of his home - which is really less than ideal, but if the dog takes priority over a child, those are the consequences.  

    If it goes to court have a formal letter written, with doctor's strongly written "advice" that your son is allergic and all the reactions he has a result.

    This reminds me of my cousin's wife who had 3 cats and refused to get rid of them when they had their child.  Their baby had to sleep with an oxygen mask and other equipment because twice she stopped breathing. Doctors told them to get rid of the cats. She refused.   Why parents choose pets over their children's health and well being, I'll never understand.  It's selfish.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    If you follow J's advice you need to get the note from an allergist first and use it to show BD and reference that he attended the appointments.

    FWIW and this is not really related to this child's situation but we recently found out that my son is allergic to dogs and highly allergic to cats and we have had our dog for 9 years and she is pretty healthy and approximately 12.5 and she is staying. I am unsuccessfully trying to vacuum more often. I won't likely get another dog and definitely no cats but we cannot get rid of our dog and I would do anything for my kids. Tomorrow he is going to our friends house that have one dog and one cat and used to have two cats, I have the eye drops and Benedryl ready just in case. Now that I am trying I am going to get his pillow and blanket ready because the kids and my husband are staying the night.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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