Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
melje
member
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Getting D&C and needing advice, please
melje
member
After beginning my
miscarriage nightmare nearly a month ago, I am now scheduled for a D&C next
Tuesday. I thought everything passed naturally, but something stayed behind that
my doctor would like to send to pathology and also hence the
D&C.
I've just started a summer statistics course this past week and let my professor know today that I will be gone for two days, and apparently these are crucial days. I am curious because the two days number comes from what I was told at the doctor. But how painful is everything actually after a D&C and how much time might I be not wanting to move much? I have until the 23rd to drop the course with no repercussions.
A big part of me wants to just drop the course and try to move forward emotionally as well as healing physically and use the summertime to spend with my 18 month old. I know she is picking up on the stress of the situation too. However, even though I am being encouraged by others (women, with the exception of my brother) to pursue that avenue, I don't know how to explain it to my husband. I don't know how to deliver an argument sound enough for him to understand I am feeling spent and I cannot fail this class and the timing has just been unfortunate all over the place.
So basically, I guess my question is what should I realistically expect after a D&C? The miscarriage was a lot gorier than I was led to believe it was going to be, and I want to know if a D&C is going to be bloody/how much pain to expect afterward. I've heard it depends on pain tolerance. I had a natural birth, so I think mine is high? And my second question is how do I make my husband understand all of this in a way that reaches his level? And that's not me putting him down, he is a smart man. I don't think he understands why I can't get over this and how this whole process isn't over and I have to see it day after day.
I've just started a summer statistics course this past week and let my professor know today that I will be gone for two days, and apparently these are crucial days. I am curious because the two days number comes from what I was told at the doctor. But how painful is everything actually after a D&C and how much time might I be not wanting to move much? I have until the 23rd to drop the course with no repercussions.
A big part of me wants to just drop the course and try to move forward emotionally as well as healing physically and use the summertime to spend with my 18 month old. I know she is picking up on the stress of the situation too. However, even though I am being encouraged by others (women, with the exception of my brother) to pursue that avenue, I don't know how to explain it to my husband. I don't know how to deliver an argument sound enough for him to understand I am feeling spent and I cannot fail this class and the timing has just been unfortunate all over the place.
So basically, I guess my question is what should I realistically expect after a D&C? The miscarriage was a lot gorier than I was led to believe it was going to be, and I want to know if a D&C is going to be bloody/how much pain to expect afterward. I've heard it depends on pain tolerance. I had a natural birth, so I think mine is high? And my second question is how do I make my husband understand all of this in a way that reaches his level? And that's not me putting him down, he is a smart man. I don't think he understands why I can't get over this and how this whole process isn't over and I have to see it day after day.
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Re: Getting D&C and needing advice, please
I think it varies for each person. I just had mine done this morning and as of now I haven't felt any pain. It may or may not get painful until tomorrow, but I haven't needed to take anything yet. I feel like I can go to work tomorrow no problem, although I'm not going to because I don't want to
You need to do what is right for YOU. It's very hard for our husbands to understand what we are going through.
Hugs to you and good luck for whatever you decide.
I think it all depends on the person plus I found out the day before that I had mc and the next day dnc. Since you have already gone through a lot naturally it might be different for you.
But I have taken stats twice. I am bad at math. No horrible. If I were you I would drop the course take the summer off to get to a better place and then cont in September.
This is a huge emotional toll and you might just need a break for you.
It's hard to say because everyone's bodies are so different. Most women on here would tell you that they were fine the day after their D&C and went on with normal activities.
It wasn't quite like that for me. I cramped for a while after mine. The bleeding wasn't too bad the first few days after, but on the fourth or fifth day I started passing huge clots of blood (softball sized) with painful cramping. It was awful physically, but more so emotionally. Personally, there would have been no way for me to have focused on a college course during that time.
As for your husband, I would tell him exactly what you said here - that it's like experiencing the loss all over again every time you go to the bathroom and that it's difficult seeing it every day.
I'm sorry for your loss and I pray your D&C goes quickly and smoothly so you and your husband can move on.
I hate to say this, but it depends.
I have had two D&Cs. My first was in 2007 and it was HORRIBLE. Everything about it. I didn't fully recover for about 3 weeks and I won't get into the sordid details.
I had a D&C on June 5 and it was easy peasy. If I worked (I am a SAHM) I would have been okay to go on the 6th. I never took any of the painkillers they gave me. I bled for 2 or 3 days and then spotted until this past weekend. Physically, it was really simple and I am now 100% myself physically (obviously emotionally is a different story).
So hopefully your experience will be like my recent one and not my first. Most people seem to have easy physical experiences with D&Cs. I hope you do too!
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
So sorry you are going through this. My d&c was the easiest part of this whole thing. I had it on a Friday and was physically fine. I had next to no pain and no more bleeding than a period and it came and went for about a week and a half. I went back to work on Monday. My problem was concentration and feeling like I was in a daze. I couldn't think about anything else and I wasn't at all productive at work. I had random times that I would cry and my eyes were swollen and red and itchy for weeks. I was told that was hormonal. I also had the worst headache I've ever had for about a month. I was told that was also hormonal. I had trouble sleeping too. The after effects for me were no picnic but it wasn't because of the procedure....it was dealing with what happened.
I don't know if I could have taken a class and tried to learn new things during this time.
I hope this helps some.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
I cannot figure out how to just do a general reply, sorry.
I've decided not to continue the class. I just need some time to heal. It has been nearly a month but I am an emotional wreck. And since finding out I need a D&C, and never having had any surgery or the like, I am trying to overcome being upset and terrified for that.
This has all been horribly, horribly sad. I'm sorry you all went through it, and I appreciate your commenting on my post.