- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Special Needs
bumpuser511563
member
The bad parents
bumpuser511563
member
That would be us according to MIL.
We barely told her DS cannot go with her a whole week because he has speech twice a week and OT was hard enough to get our time slot. DS has an ABA therapist that will be putting more hours with us.
She thinks she is the best mom in the whole wide world. She thinks she can potty train DS successfully. She spoils him, gives him soda all the time and thinks we are under feeding him. (DS does have his list of foods he eats that I do follow). She even tried feeding DS an apple and he said no to her. She probably will not understand the concept of PDD-NOS or even know how to handle DS.
When she says things like we are under feeding DS and DS is so skinny. It is clear she is saying we are bad parents. DH has tried and tried to say how he was a skinny kid, he was under fed and criticizing how his mom never fed him. It just doesn't work. DH did this yesterday.
All the times she visits, she says the same thing. I told DH we should straight ask her if she thinks we are bad parents the next time. He said no, she already thinks that we are.
I know we are not bad parents, but it is annoying every time she comes over.
Do you all have any comebacks?
TIA
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The bad parents
This is not a situation for comebacks or asking an aggressive question you already know the answer to.
It's a situation where you let your actions do the talking, put your foot and quit letting yourself and your DH be treated like sh!t and undermined in front of your child. I'm far from eager for conflict, but I can tell you straight out that if this was a parent of mine, they would be shown the door and told not to come back until they can keep their opinion to themselves.
If you're pissed off enough to ask her whether she thinks you're bad parents (which you absolutely should NOT, that gives the impression that her opinion holds weight with you guys), then be pissed enough to cut her off until she checks herself and can abide by your rules. I'm all for grandparent spoiling within reason, but the second it becomes "I can do this better than you", that's going to get a sharp response from me.
Don't argue with her. Cut her off until she can behave herself. I'm pissed off for you. Don't let her continue to do this.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
Does not responding work? I swear as I get older this works better and better for my parents. Like:
Me: The sky is blue today.
Mom: No it isn't! I was reading CNN.com and they said the sky is violet and it means there is global warming!
Me: Oh. *shrug*
This drive my mom nuts because she just wants to fight and/or prove me wrong. So if I don't respond, it takes all the fuel from her fire. My dad does the same thing, but it isn't as malicious so I approach it a little differently. Like the other day we were discussing bikes and I pointed out that because DS is low-tone, he has a hard time staying on his bike. My Dad's perfunctory response was that it is our fault for not demanding he be on his bike longer. He really has no idea what low-tone means, so while I could try to explain it to him, he'll just get this smirk on his face like I'm making an excuse, or he'll tsk tsk that I'm making up a fake medical condition. So instead I just try to remain adult-like and say "Dad, I don't think you understand what low-tone is. Don't take my word for it- the next time you're at your doctor, ask him about it and see what he recommends." My parents love the " challenge" of "fixing" DS, and they've learned the most from asking friends of theirs at church about it. Lucky for me, the superintendent of their school district is friends with them and I know she has given them a lot of good info.
Ugh, I understand completely! Ou just described my mother in law. I won't bore you with all the details but in Spanish, she told eh "if this kid was with me, he would fly." Meaning thrive , do better extra.... Essentially calling us bad parents....as if she has a clue how to handle a child with special needs, in our case, autism. Don't let her get you down. You know what your child needs better than anyone...that's all that matters.
This is very good advice. ITA you all are way beyond snappy comebacks at this point.
Thank you all for the responses and advice!
My MIL is Spanish speaking, so I doubt she would see any therapy as actually helping, but all play. She is uneducated as well. I think she dropped out of high school in Mexico.
If anything, she probably would think she has PDD-NOS. She is a hypochondiac, too!
I totally did this. My parents have always hated DS' pacifier habit. We went to San Diego for a long weekend sans DS and I told my Mom she was welcome to "pull the plug" so to speak. Fortunately, it worked like a charm and she was successful! Unfortunately, it worked like a charm, and she was succesful.. My Dad was just complaining to me about DS' still needing training wheels, I'm going to let him take that one over!
Honestly, let her go at it.
In my mind missing a few therapies for a week would be worth letting her deal for 24/7. You then would get a vacation. win. win.
My MIL has been hinting forever that we are bad parents. Whenever we have an incident with her, we always cool off and distance ourselves. But we always find ourselves back in her company getting insulted again.
Recently, she took care of A for us when H and I were both sick with a stomach virus. She called me the next day and told me that she just used a "firm tone" and he was just fine. She asked if I would like to watch her in action with him to observe how I can be a better parent. She suggested that if I stopped trying to be his friend, he wouldn't act the way he does. She told me we're wasting our money on his therapy because it's not him, it's us.
H called her and told her that we were done listening to her BS and that she doesn't have anything nice to say, keep her mouth shut because we don't want to hear it. If she can't manage that, we're going to simply remove ourselves from her life. We don't need any more reasons to feel like terrible parents.