Cancel shower

staceymack · June 2013

My babies shower was scheduled for this Sunday. Since I was admitted for PTL Monday we decided it's best to postpone or cancel. I said cancel because I feel everything is too unpredictable with multiples. Some have suggested having it after they are home, but my concern is having many people around preemies or I'd be too exhausted. Anyone else had this situation? What worked best for you? Thanks!

staceymack · June 2013

wallace323:
I'm sorry to hear you have to cancel! Atleast you and the guests all realize that it's what's best for the babies though. We haven't decided what to do yet, our shower is next weekend, so far things look okay for us to go, but we won't know until last minute at our MFM appointment before that weekend whether we get the thumbs up to drive the hour to go to it. I would say it would seem hard to have a shower after the babies are born, but when you don't have a choice you do what you have to do. I hope some people have been through a similar situation and can let you know what they have done, I'm curious myself!

Our situation is very similar. My shower was planned at a location an hour from me as well. I wasn't going to find out if I could go until this week. Over the weekend I finally convinced myself I should not be traveling that far. Others already thought so. We changed the location to my house. Then, I ended up in the hospital anyway. I took that as a sign. I hated to cancel everyone's hard work, but they are glad I did. Everyone wants what's best for the babies which is being in bed. I was looking forward to it, but it is what it is.

palm513 · June 2013

I have heard of people having small showers(10-15 people) in the hospital. You would have to talk to the nursing staff though and DH would have a lot of stuff to load up in the car and take home by himself. If that is an option.

I had my shower when the twins were about 3 months old. Everyone loved being able to see them, we went through a lot of hand sanitizer and we kept the babies inside while all of the festivities were held out side (DH stayed with the babies, and I stayed with the guests) Anyone who had a fever, cough, was sneezing, or just didn't feel right was politely requested to not touch the babies. and since everyone knew the babies were going to be three months old no one brought Preemie or NB clothes.

Brummy14 · June 2013

I'd vote for maybe something small in the hospital prior to the babies' arrival -- it'll help pass the time, for one, and you'll get to do something, have something to look forward to, etc.

I know that I could not have imagined doing anything while the girls were in the NICU, and I was (and, to an extent, still am) the biggest germophobe ever. Lots of people even coming in close proximity of my house that early, never mind even close to our girls, would have driven be absolutely batty. Especially if they are in the NICU until close to your due date (which, depending on when they arrive, tends to be the rule of thumb) -- if you did anything 2-3 months after that, flu season would likely be starting to pick up.

Now, God-willing, you won't have your babies as early -- but, I was never in the mindset to celebrate while we were going through the NICU experience. It was the most emotionally (and, consequently, physically) draining experience I've ever been through. Add on top the need to pump like a crazy person (I was attached to the machine literally 8 hours a day to get my supply up - and up every 3 hours overnight -- sleeping in two hour stretches), I wasn't exactly in any state to be social, put on a happy face, or even be in a room for longer than an hour before I had to go pump again and/or just get away. I watched my girls stop breathing multiple times a day. I could have given a crap about a shower. I wanted -- no, NEEDED -- to spend the majority of my waking hours in the hospital. When I wasn't there, I was just beside myself. That's obviously going to be different for everyone, but a shower at any point in that process would have been the opposite of enjoyable for me.

Maybe now, with the girls hitting 5 months adjusted, smack in the middle of summer, we're getting a little more sleep, I don't have to pump a hundred times a day -- maybe now I would have been okay with it. But, seriously, the girls are like 7.5 months old -- they're old news. Not exactly shower-worthy.

Not sure if this is helpful, but this was just my experience. Sample size of one. take it or leave it! GL to you - and hopefully you'll be able to keep those babies baking for quite some time.

yinyang124 · June 2013

I would cancel. You're right that you will not want that many people around your potentially preemie babies. When my babies came home from the NICU, there is no way that I would have wanted a group of people around us. I napped every time they napped, their feeding was all over the place, they had colic, showers were infrequent, my vagina hurt when sitting. In short, visitors for more than 30 min were not welcomed.

mamatotwins0812 · June 2013

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry you have to cancel

. I know you were working hard to try to make it work and its so disappointing when it doesn't go as planned. Fwiw, I had ptl at 21 weeks too, emergency cerclage and strict bed rest before delivering at 33w. It was a hard long journey but you'll get through it

.

SWA80 · June 2013

Mine is planned for 9 hours from home at 25 weeks, planning on having DH drive me up for the weekend as long as everything looks okay. I have an appointment the day before and will clear with the Dr. but I think I should be fine to go. My mom said that if for some reason I can't come, they'll still have the shower and I can join via Skype. Not sure how that would go, but it is an idea.

mylittleladies1229 · June 2013

I was admitted into the hospital at 21 weeks for preterm labor and stayed until 28 weeks. Unfortunately, I was supposed to have my shower at 22 weeks. I opted to have it in the hospital. My family that planned the shower called everyone that was invited and gave them different times to come visit during a two hour period. It was nice being able to see everyone on a staggered schedule and when the room got too full, people would excuse themselves. It worked out well considering the situation.

katiebenes · June 2013

I would wait for a bit until they are relatively healthy

thejuliejewels · June 2013

We postponed mine because I couldn't travel the 2 hours during bedrest and glad we did, because my twins came early at 27 weeks which was 2 days before our shower. It was so disappointing to me and I cried a lot... I felt I was missing out from that experience. So much of my pregnancy after having cervical issues from 22 weeks on was 'missed', so I just had to suck it up and realize that I would have a shower, just not the way it was planned.

I decided that we'd reschedule it for either when the babies were in the NICU or when they were home. If they were home, people had mentioned 'meet the babies' but more realistically since they were preemies, we would have kept them in the house or had my husband watch them to keep them away. But the best option for us since we've been in the NICU for almost a month and a half already was to go ahead and have the shower while they are in the hospital. It took the pressure off us about having the babies around and got us all the stuff we needed in advance. It was a great time and while I got a lot of preemie clothes (which I promptly returned - babies are growing out of it already!) it was good to see everyone and take a NICU rest.

But the previous posters are correct, the NICU is draining and you may not feel like it. It was important to me to feel like I didn't miss out on the experience, so I really wanted to have it.

AmyJoy728 · June 2013

Same thing happened to me. I was hospitalized at 27wk for PTL and my shower was scheduled for the upcoming wknd. I was released to bed rest and my shower was cancelled. My mom and MIL called everyone and let them know what happened and that if anyone wanted to drop off their gifts with them, then they would bring them to me. We had a meet and greet at 3mo for anyone who hadn't met them yet.

flutepharm87 · June 2013

I was in the hospital on bedrest on the date of my shower. My mom brought the shower to me so I could still have it. It wasn't anything fancy and I had to sit in a chair the whole time, but I'm really glad that we were able to find a way to still have it.

My friend ended up having her baby the day before her shower, so she was in the hospital as well, and with an outside baby. She Skyped into her shower. They set up a computer in the hospital and her friend had one set up at the venue. She opened the gifts so that mommy could see what she got and thank everyone. She said it worked out nicely.

My little guys weren't super early (only 6 weeks), but I still wouldn't have felt comfortable having a bunch of people around them early on either. Hopefully you'll find a way to have something! GL!

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