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C-sections
earthmama2011
member
Repeat C Sections, Judged *long*
earthmama2011
member
in C-sections
With my c section date fast approaching I'm experiencing mixed emotions...excitement, joy, nervousness and guilt. Guilt, because as I just found out my date and have been excitedly and nervously sharing it with other moms, I am hearing the same responses over and over "why are you having another c section?" "Can't you have a VBAC?" Cue the disdain in their tone.
I guess I was naive and wasn't expecting people to ask private questions, but I honestly never expected this reaction, especially from moms that had c sections themselves! Really I should have expected it, after labouring for 30 hours with my first (27 of those naturally) a story that I thought would get me a bit of respect from other moms, I endured the "why did you have a c section" and the worse "why did you WANT a section" question. Instead of respect, I think I got pity!
Now I'm feeling the need to have to explain my repeat to others, friends and strangers, and I'm not sure how to respond. It's none of their business. I don't have the choice of a VBAC, I did get a 2nd and a 3rd opinion, no I'm not "too posh to push" (wtf) It's especially awkward when asked by strangers (eg. the mom at the playground yesterday) and even worse when I feel judged by my friends HUSBANDS. It's almost like I can't seem TOO excited about having the baby as having a repeat c section seems so controversial, it's like I'm expected to seem sad and ashamed. It's not like I'm thrilled for surgery, I'm actually quite terrified, I'm just excited to meet my new baby. Why can't I be proud of my birth story?
Have other moms experienced this? What are your responses? Any stories to share? No idea if this makes a difference but I'm in Canada 
TIA if you read my whole rant
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Repeat C Sections, Judged *long*
It might be difficult, but don't let anyone make you feel bad about a RCS. It's no one's business but yours and your doctor's. Be excited about your baby and tell anyone who tries to take away that excitement to go to hell... or tell them that it's between you and your doctor, but if they persist, then tell them to go to hell.
I had the opposite experience. I wanted a VBAC and everyone I knew kept trying to discourage me or said I was taking too big of a risk. I even had a huge fight with my H over his negativity. In the end, I tried for a VBAC, but ended up having a RCS. It was my choice and nothing anyone said had any bearing on it.
I haven't had anyone look down on me for having a RCS, and it is my choice. My doctor said I would be a good candidate for a VBAC but I am choosing not too. DDs birth was scary and DH is completely on board with me having a RCS, he actually wanted me too.
People do ask why I am having one, and I tell them what happened with DD, they have never seemed too judgy.
I am sorry you are dealing with all that negativity.
I don't know if it makes a difference either but I live in California. Pretty much everybody I know has had a c-section. Nobody seems to blink an eye at it. I think people who say they want to go natural tend to get a bit more grief which may be odd to you, but that is what I have noticed.
The only times I get the reactions you are getting is on message boards. Strangers on the internet. I felt the need to defend myself several times, but after awhile....I just stopped caring what they thought. Like who cares right? They don't know me or my situation. I just tell them flat out, "I had to have an emergency c-section. The surgery and recovery went well. Baby was born healthy and I am happy with that." That is that, I don't try to explain myself any further. I think the same could be applied in your situation with these face to face encounters. When they ask you why just tell say, "Because it is my decision and I feel that decision is best for my family." Leave it at that.
I always got: Don't you want a VBAC?
i laughed in their face.
I owed people no explanations for what I chose to do with my body.
I totally understand what your saying. When people find out I'm having a RCS the tone of their voice changes. You should be proud of your birth story, no matter what others think. It is your experience and that's all that matters. People get very judgemental about c sections and I think they don't have a right to.
My 2nd DD was an emergency c section and my 3rd DD I qualified to try a VBAC until she turned right before delivery and had a RCS. With this one I was not given a choice. But to be honest if I was I'm not sure I would have done it given the risks and the horrible experience I had with my first delivery.
I think every person has a different story and reason for the choices they make and while they may be the right choice for me they could be wrong for another but I would never force my opinion on someone.
So hold your head high and let go of the guilt. This is your story and if it ends with a RCS then it does. You shouldn't feel bad about that. Good luck!
Before I was pregnant I totally assumed C-sections were for the "too posh to push" (never heard that and love the expression). I totally thought anyone going in for a scheduled section must be on the 90210 plan and getting lipo while they were at it. I was completely judgy.
Now with my C-section SCHEDULED for next week I feel bad for all the secret judging. There are so many reasons a mom NEEDS a section or just chooses to have one. I'm still trying to get past some of my judgment, but I bet those people are just not ok with their C-section.
Someone has an opinion if you go natural or totally knocked out. Let them judge and know you are doing what is right for you!
Don't worry about other people. FWIW, I planned for and successfully had a VBAC. My entire pregnancy when people heard that I was having a VBAC, they'd make comments about how selfish it was and that my baby could die. Of course, these were all the people who hadn't read one iota of scientific research and obviously had no clue what they were talking about.
Bottom line- if you were having a VBAC, there would be plenty of people making you feel bad about that too. Not sure what it is with people and telling other people that they are doing childbirth "wrong".
Regarding the bolded, you grew a human being for nine long months and then gave birth to him/her and you are doing it again. That is something to be proud of regardless of how the baby came into the world.
Wear your C-section scar with pride and don't let people make you feel bad about it.
Whenever people ask me why I had a C-section or tell me that I didn't have to give birth the "hard way", I tell them that I have a healthy LO and that is all that matters to me.
Good luck with your RCS!
I usually responded with "whyyyy would I want to tear up my lady parts when I've already got the abdominal scar? I also enjoy my current level of bladder control."
I was excited for my second c section. Those who knew my first birth story understood why a vbac was not for me (super crappy induction leading to emergency c section and me being put under and not seeing my son born). i also know ttwo moms who ruptured during their VBACs. Not.cool.
I had 2 c-sections and I know where you are coming from.
I usually found some weird uncomfortable way to try and defend my situation (even though I shouldnt have to).
Finally, after being asked several times by an annoying person at work I said, "cause I don't have a vagina!" She never asked again.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
Yeah, I can't imagine anyone is jealous of someone going through major surgery. Any more than you are jealous than their med-free births (which it sounds like you are not). Doesn't make it right for others to judge anyone's birth, including those judging the OP.
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BWAHAHAHA....that's my internal monologue exactly when people ask if I plan to have a c-section again this time! I've only had the guts to say it a couple times though.
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