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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
jani7
member
Ferber question! Need help!!
jani7
member
How many nights is too many nights to Ferber? We did Ferber with my DS and it only took 3 nights but now with my DS it's been a different story. We only make her make it to 3am and then I'll do one night feeding bf. Do you think this is why it isn't working?
I don't even want to say what night we are on but she still is waking multiple times before 3am like every 12 hours! I hate to just throw in the towel after all this work but I hate CIO! If I didn't have such bad sleepers I wouldn't do it at all.
I don't even want to say what night we are on but she still is waking multiple times before 3am like every 12 hours! I hate to just throw in the towel after all this work but I hate CIO! If I didn't have such bad sleepers I wouldn't do it at all.
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Re: Ferber question! Need help!!
I believe your siggy is for your first baby - not your second - so I'm not sure how old your LO is.. but older babies can take longer -but I'm also a believer that not all babies take to it.
A few questions.. how does your baby go down the first time? (aka - awake - nurse to sleep, etc) - when did the night wake ups start?
I'm not sure I'll have complete answers - but I can tell you we were dealing with horrible wakes ups - mostly she'd wake and fuss every 20 minutes or so after 3 hours. I'm in the process of "breaking it" with ferber ish methods. I stopped nursing to sleep - but I too am still nursing one time overnight. ITs a bit of a slow go for us but she's 9 months (almost) and she isn't crying so much as fussing / sleeping / fussing / sleeping / cry for 2 mins / sleep/ fuss/ etc
Yes sorry, she is 6 months. I do nurse to sleep and she always goes down really easy but then wakes up right about 2 hours later. She has never been a good sleeper but it seems like the past month she has gotten really bad.
Ferber says don't nurse to sleep. Put them down awake so that they LEARN to fall asleep on their own. Nursing him to sleep is prolonging your problem.
And in terms of eating, how far between eating does he go during the day? My 6MO still eats once at night, and I'll feed her at the first waking after 4 hours (she usually is asleep by 8 and gets up to eat around 1 or 2). I agree with PP that making them wait until 3am might be too long, but I also don't think they need to eat every time if they are waking up every 1-2 hours
As we just started breaking the nursing to sleep habit at almost nine months - I highly suggest you start there - some of your issues may resolve just by doing that because when LO wakes up they aren't looking for a boob as part of their go back to sleep plan.
What we did was bath, diaper (Only) - nurse. Then downstairs to her bedroom for lotion, onsie, sleeper, binkies (She likes one to hold and one to suck) - sway or rock for a minute or two, then kisses and night night love you. Bed.
She fusses for MAYBE five minutes (more like gets comfy) and goes down. (this is why I thought we were ok because she puts herself to sleep all the time no problem)
We still have the nighttime wakes ups - but we are only on night 3 - and I'm not going in unless she cries (not just fussing - but actually cries) for more then 10 - 15 minutes, its after the designated time (if she's had close to 24 during the day (assuming 4-5 ounces per nursing session + bottles) then I say after 3am, if she's had less then 3 hours after her last feed) then I nurse her - if its after that 3am because of a lot of things she comes to our bed (we may have to break this) if its before I wake her enough that she's aware and put her back in her crib. Lets just say she's only waken before 3 once since I started (she fusses but doesn't really wake) - I do not think she liked the getting put back awake part!!
Hang in there.. and don't be afraid to try something else if this isn't working for you. The constant waking wasn't working for me so I've committed to trying this for a week and seeing if there are improvements
Ugh I really like nursing her to sleep although I do realize that this is probably contributing to the problem. She usually eats every 2 1/2 -3 hours but she would nurse every hour if I let her! She is on the bigger side and I don't want to nurse her every time she wakes up because I don't think she is hungry but just wants the sucking comfort. She won't take a paci either! I definitely am not trying to make her go longer than she can but I know when she wakes up 2 hours after I put her down she shouldn't be starving.
I'll try doing her middle of the night feeding a little earlier to see if that helps!
Thank you to everyone's responses!
It definitely sounds like she's got a nurse-to-sleep association...we had to break that for our LO and I think that was the most important thing we did to help sleep train him. Good luck!
The first problem is that your nursing her to sleep. When she wakes 1-2 hours later shes thinking "where is mom to feed me back to sleep?!??" lol. If your Ferbering, she needs to be put down drowsy but awake. Sorry. I know its cute and nice to feed them to sleep but it doesn't help. I did CIO - followed the "rules| and C sleeps from 8-4 every night. She WAS waking hourly looking for a paci.
Ok - woah - judge much?
Maybe I'm just sensitive because 1) I'm not sleeping and 2) I"m in the same boat.
I've stopped nursing to sleep and my baby is still getting up 1 - 3 times a night (depending) - I'm not going in to help her in any way - but last night she was up at 1 - I set my alarm for 40 mins (She was not crying / screaming she fussed once or twice and then re settled - but I know she will do this for hours sometimes) - I turned the monitor off - when I woke up 40 mins later she was sound asleep - turned monitor back on - at 2:45 she made more noise - I looked at the video monitor saw she was moving some and settling / fussing - so I set it for 20 mins (She does still eat in the early morning but I like to wait until after 3) - when I woke up she was talking to herself and moving around - then laying down and playing with her bink. so I got up and fed her.
Just because you "follow the rules" every kid is different and will respond differently... just saying..
Edit: - I did not take her binky away but I do not go in and give it back to her - if she finds it she can have it - if not then she doesn't
This 100%. I just realized I was doing the same thing with my son. I was nursing him to sleep, and I thought, "Wow! He goes down really easily. I love it!!" But come 2-3 hours later...he's screaming. He would wake every 3 hours and would only calm down once he's in my arms. I tried the Ferber method and it has been really helpful. I LOVED nursing him to sleep. It was our bonding time... but it has made a world of difference feeding him about 45 minutes before bedtime. So, I feed him around 7:00, and then around 7:45, I rock him until he's drowsy, then put him down. The first night, he cried on and off for an hour (we first checked him after 3 minutes, then 5, then 7, then every 10 minutes for an hour). The second night it only took 15 minutes of crying and he slept 9 hours straight. The third night only 7 minutes, and he slept 10.5 hours. Last night only 5 minutes of crying. I still breastfeed and last night he woke up and was acting hungry. Normally he doesn't do this, so it's easy to just get him to go back to sleep. But last night I caved. He kept turning to my breast like he was hungry. I didn't feel comfortable not feeding him since I could tell he was hungry. Not sure if I screwed myself over there...
This CIO thing can be tricky. Hang in there! And do your best. Like others say, it doesn't work for every child. We tried CIO with my colicky daughter and it didn't work! She was such a stubborn baby and is now a stubborn 3-year-old! LOL .. but seriously, do what you think is best! GOOD LUCK!
BFP 7/2009 m/c
BFP 9/2009 m/c
Clomid IUI 12/2010, 1/2011, 2/2011 All BFN
IVF #1 6/2011 BFN, no frosties
IVF #2 2/2012 BFP
DD born 10/2012
IVF # 3 11/3/13 Canceled after retrieval d/t severe OHSS, 3 frosties
Yes! Don't nurse to sleep. I loved it to. Snuggles and a loving sleepy baby. We just broke the habit in the past few days. I now feed him in the living room and then head into the nursery to change into pjs, we read 2 books, rock, and then down in the crib wide awake.
First night he cried 55 long horrible minutes. I checked on him 3, 5, 7 and then every 10. I cried myself to sleep.
Last night he cried for 15 minutes and STTN- woooooah!
Tonight- 1 stinking minute! Woo hoo.
Its hard but you can do t. Its wonderful for them and you. Good luck!!!!
Thank you for this simple honest real post. As I drove into work this morning after yet another night of 3-4 wakings (I only tended to her at 4 - she fussed / cried a little back to sleep on her every other time within 10 - 15 mins at most) I repeated - that gal on the board said it took 2.5 weeks (its night 5 for us)
I stopped nursing to sleep the first night we did Ferber because essentially Ferber is going to teach your baby to sleep on their own, and nursing them to sleep is just confusing for them. It won't work if you don't follow the instructions. For us it took three nights (and we still do a night time feeding).
I stopped nursing to sleep 6 nights ago - last night she went down WIDE awake at 8:00 - talked / played / fussed until 8:30 and slept. She was up at 11:30 (fussed -and put her self back to sleep) - she was up at 12:45 - fussed settled, fussed / cried - looked like she had lost both her binkies - I went in handed them to her (she actually had a third) - she screamed / cried for 15 mins and went back to sleep - slept until 3:30 fussed - and I fed her at 4
So thank you and I'm so so glad it worked for you (honestly - I know that sounds snarky - its not) - but I am "following the rules" and my baby STILL is getting up and its really frusterating for me - I haven't slept through the night (6+ hours at once) for 4.5 months and I work full time.