Feeling very happy and yet still sad

SammySarah · June 2013

Hi All,

I hope that everyone out there is doing well.

DH & I just found out that we are expecting again. Although we had decided to try again (only 11 weeks after my D&C), we had no idea it would happen on our first try! Don't get me wrong, I am totally not complaining and feel super lucky as I know it can be trying for some to conceive the first time let alone after a loss.

We are very happy and still feel ready but I am having moments of guilt, doubt, sadness,... I don't know. I feel guilty sometimes that maybe I am not being fair to the little one we lost and then I feel sad and guilty for not being unconditionally happy about our new little one. I am happy that our lost angel will potentially have a brother or sister but find myself nervous and scared that something will go wrong again or that I will forget our first baby that we lost.

I really hope that I have not upset anyone out there with this post (certainly never my intention) but not sure where else to turn. I have found these forums a true comfort throughout the past few months while dealing with our loss.

Is there anyone else out there who has had a similar feeling or experience or am I just the worst mother-to-be ever?

Wifey xo · June 2013

I lost 18 week old IVF twin boys last December, then had a frozen transfer in March as soon as I was cleared. We were determined to get pregnant right away because the desire for a family was so great, and I am almost 40. What you are feeling is totally natural. We are still devastated by our loss, and I still become very emotional when I think of them. I miss them so much. I don't think a few more months would have made it any less painful to move forward.

This pregnancy has been very stressful and full of worry. That certainly makes it difficult to experience the joy most women feel. PgAL is very tough at times. You are certainly not alone. ((hugs))

SammySarah · June 2013

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and truly appreciate you reaching out to me with your experience. And I hope with all my heart that your current pregnancy goes well in the coming months.

Sending so much light and love to you and your family!

Thank you so very much again, I feel less guilty about how I am feeling now ((hugs))

weaslewam · June 2013

I still cry about my loss and my LO is almost here. It hurts in a way that I know will never fully heal. I don't think you're the worst mother to be ever! I think you're feeling exactly what you should be feeling in order to heal.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way but it's 100% understandable. (((HUGS)))

Wifey xo · June 2013

SammySarah:

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and truly appreciate you reaching out to me with your experience. And I hope with all my heart that your current pregnancy goes well in the coming months.
Sending so much light and love to you and your family!
Thank you so very much again, I feel less guilty about how I am feeling now ((hugs))

Anytime, and thank you! Take care : )

musicteach78 · June 2013

Juat want to say welcome!!

cpsmwed · June 2013

I came on here to write something similar t your post when i saw this, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one that feels this way so thank you for sharing.

i went into premature labour for unknown reasons with my daughter at 24 weeks, she was with us for two days but on the second days she suffered a very large bleed to the brain which the doctors said wasn't compatible with life so we had to turn off her machines. This happened in Nov/Dec 2011, after her first birthday, 30th Nov 2012 we decided it was time we tried for another baby so we started trying end of January and we were pregnant my march. We were obviously both very happy but at the same time completely terrified of going into premature labour again, so I think for me I seem to have a guard up, I'm not as excited as I was with my first pregnancy and I feel guilty, I know that I want this baby and I feel totally blessed but at the same time I'm so scared of losing another child, Im Not sure how well I would cope, people keep telling me how strong I was etc but they never saw me cry myself to sleep every night and they never saw how much I blamed myself and my body for failing my baby. I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling this way but knowing others are going through similar experiences makes me think I'm not crazy after all.

I'm 14 weeks 2 days along today and when I was pregnant with my first I was probably buying little bits by about 15/16 weeks, like onesies and bibs but I really can't see me wanting to buy anything until after 24 weeks, maybe I will get more excited then.

Hopefully my story will comfort you in some way, and make you realize you are not a worst-mother-to-be

cpsmwed · June 2013

To add to my earlier post dont ever worry about forgetting your other baby, it is impossible, that baby will always be apart of you no matter what. I have friends who have miscarried very early and they have never forgotten their first LO even though they never met them. And there isn't a single day that goes by where I don't think about my daughter.

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