Hi everyone, I'm new...

faithita · June 2013

Hi everyone... I'm new... sorry if this gets long, but I plan to be here a lot, so here I am.

I'm 33, DH is 34. We have been TTC since early 2010. I have endo. He has low count, and seems to be fine with everything else on the sperm front. My FSH happens to be a little high as well. Tried Clomid with no response, and low-dose injectables with no response. We talked to an RE about IVF (this was in early 2012), and he gave me 25% chance with my own eggs, and suggested that we look into DE. At the time, I was not there mentally.

My husband and I decided that we wouldn't do IVF... we pursued foster to adopt, but he was not there mentally. And as time goes by, it seems very important to me that I experience pregnancy.

SO, we've been thinking a lot. We had a consult with an RE yesterday, and she again gave me about 25% success with my eggs. She also said that she would put me on the strongest protocol that they have. (Yuck.) I feel like I don't even care to try with my eggs with those odds. We are totally out of pocket, and she will take me into their shared risk DE program. I think we are going to go for it.

So, now for my list of fears: Financially, this is a very scary thing. I am also experiencing all of the emotion of letting go of having MY biological child, and wondering about the child's emotions about this process as they grow up. I'm scared about the possibility of multiples. I'm scared that it won't work. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to recover if it doesn't.

Mostly, I just want to be a mom. And, so I am here... looking for support and advice... and despite all of this crazy whirlwind of emotion, very excited to get started.

U/s yesterday (day 5) showed that I am in fact getting ready to ovulate, which was a surprise to me. RE says that my uterus looks perfect, and that the lining looks nice and thick. Which I am taking as a good and hopeful sign for the future. Next steps are some labs, a repeat semen analysis, and me figuring out how to pony up the big bucks. Then we go on the waiting list for a donor, which should take approx. 1-3 months.

Sorry this is long... I look forward to hanging out with you guys and getting to know you in the coming months!

liz4paws · June 2013

Welcome to the board. You will find many supportive people here who are in very similar situations. I am sorry you have been through so much. It's an incredibly scary prospect when you first get started, but I can tell you that the acceptance does come with time. You will surprise yourself at how strong you are, and I'm sure have already been to this point.

I look forward to getting to know you and reading your posts!

faithita · June 2013

liz4paws:
Welcome to the board. You will find many supportive people here who are in very similar situations. I am sorry you have been through so much. It's an incredibly scary prospect when you first get started, but I can tell you that the acceptance does come with time. You will surprise yourself at how strong you are, and I'm sure have already been to this point.
I look forward to getting to know you and reading your posts!

Thank you for welcoming me.

It is so tough... all of this. Nice to know there are others out there going through the same thing. It's so hard to talk to anyone about this stuff in real life.

LittleLady77 · June 2013

Welcome and good luck.

BeckyP005 · June 2013

Welcome and good luck to you!

brooklynesque · June 2013

Welcome, Faithita. Going to DE is scary at first -- many of us on here have been through it -- but once you get used to the idea you might find you're excited. Are you sure you don't want to try IVF with your OE first? Some of us need to try, even if OOP, just for finality in our own minds. You're pretty young so you have the time if you want to take it.

If you're frightened of multiples (and there are good reasons to be!) you can ask your doc for an elective SET (single embryo transfer). Many ladies do these with DE (or with OE, esp. if they are under 35). Your odds are still very good with an eSET. (Full disclosure: I haven't decided whether to do one or not in my upcoming cycle, because honestly I'm not sure I can keep trying if I have another failure, but it's pretty clear that an eSET is best for the eventual child -- higher birthweights, lower rates of prematurity and permanent disability.) If your doctor discourages eSETs, run.

2MamazInSeattle · June 2013

"I'm scared about the possibility of multiples. I'm scared that it won't work. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to recover if it doesn't."

You are not alone in these fears! It sounds like you are a great candidate for DE - I had a 10% shot with my eggs, skipped even trying and went right to DE and got pregnant on the first try. I did miscarry but in the 2nd tri and it was a fluke (nothing to do with the baby's quality). I had a "great uterus" and even at 41, it worked!

As for multiples, keep in mind that many/most RE's will only put in 1 with an DE unless there is poor quality issues with the embryo. Since most DE situations have a high success rate, they don't want to risk multiples (and all the risks that go with them). This is your choice! We were adamant that, basically no matter what we were only putting in 1.

Anyhow, sorry you find yourself here but we are a mighty bunch! Glad to have you. I run the weekly check-in on Mondays and I'll add you! Welcome.

faithita · June 2013

Thanks everyone. It really does help to read all of this from you...

As for trying with my eggs... I don't know. The RE is repeating my FSH and some other labs next cycle. I just know in my heart that it would be a hard road. She said that my ovaries are very small, and that she would have to put me on the strongest meds they make, and even then I might only end up with a few eggs.

I am a little worried that I'm not thinking it through enough or something, b/c I just feel like I have no desire to try with my eggs. And I know in my heart that this is a huge decision, but mostly right now I just want a baby. It doesn't really matter so much that it has my genes... I guess I feel like maybe I am oversimplifying it though.

I think what I really need to figure out is whether anyone is going to be able to answer this question for me... I have a finite amount of money. Like probably 40K that I am willing to devote to this process. What route should I go to give us the BEST chance of taking home a baby-- removing from the equation concerns about the baby not being genetically mine?

I think shared risk DE gives us the best hope... 2 fresh cycles, and as many frozen as they can do with any remaining embryos. Money back if it doesn't work, or we could choose a 3rd cycle with a different donor instead of getting the refund. Has anyone done this?

Please let me know if you all have any thoughts. I have eleventy billion questions and almost no answers.

Thanks again for all of your kind words.

liz4paws · June 2013

faithita:
Thanks everyone. It really does help to read all of this from you...
As for trying with my eggs... I don't know. The RE is repeating my FSH and some other labs next cycle. I just know in my heart that it would be a hard road. She said that my ovaries are very small, and that she would have to put me on the strongest meds they make, and even then I might only end up with a few eggs.
I am a little worried that I'm not thinking it through enough or something, b/c I just feel like I have no desire to try with my eggs. And I know in my heart that this is a huge decision, but mostly right now I just want a baby. It doesn't really matter so much that it has my genes... I guess I feel like maybe I am oversimplifying it though.
I think what I really need to figure out is whether anyone is going to be able to answer this question for me... I have a finite amount of money. Like probably 40K that I am willing to devote to this process. What route should I go to give us the BEST chance of taking home a baby-- removing from the equation concerns about the baby not being genetically mine?
I think shared risk DE gives us the best hope... 2 fresh cycles, and as many frozen as they can do with any remaining embryos. Money back if it doesn't work, or we could choose a 3rd cycle with a different donor instead of getting the refund. Has anyone done this?
Please let me know if you all have any thoughts. I have eleventy billion questions and almost no answers.
Thanks again for all of your kind words.

Many women do feel like they need to give it a try with their OE just once for their own peace of mind. But I was a lot like you. I knew I'd have to be on max meds and I just wanted to be a mother. Weighing all of that against the benefits of using my OE just didn't seem worth it to me. The only reason I even attempted IVF with my OE was for my husband. He was the one who felt we needed to do it just once for peace of mind. But it wasn't for me. So I understand where you are coming from.

For what it's worth, now I've completely embraced the fact that we are using a donor for our family building. I know it's crazy to say, but with time things become easier and more clear. Feel free to post as you go along through the process and this wonderful group of ladies can weigh in. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in wondering if you should even try once. It's okay if you feel otherwise. Everyone is different in this process.

LittleLady77 · June 2013

We never did IVF with my eggs. We were given a 5-10% chance and we never took it. I wonder if I'll regret it in the future. I don't right now and I don't think I will but you never know. Ultimately I just want to be a mom and experience pregnancy.

indianasunshine · June 2013

Hi and welcome to the group!

My situation is a little bit different from many of these ladies because I do have a biological child. My RE never gave us any reason to second guess doing IVF with my own eggs when I was 39. I had already done medicated IUIs and responded well to low stims. Talk about being afraid of multiples! We had a good retrieval and a strong fertilization rate and went to a day 5 transfer. If I had done PGD, I would have learned that most likely none of my embryos were normal. I have a gorgeous son with Down syndrome and no regrets. My RE was willing to try my own eggs again at 43 but cautioned that there may be nothing to transfer. We are also completely OOP and when I reflected on the stress of my first pregnancy, there was absolutely no way I could go through that process again. It could have emotionally and financially killed us.

I would have loved to have taken advantage of a shared risk program, but my clinic did not offer one. As long as you are emotionally there, I have to guess that that is the best way to use your limited resources. It stinks that money has to play into these decisions, but please know that you are in good company. I wish you all the best with your decision making. There is nothing easy about it.

Strunella · June 2013

Welcome to the board! There have been many different paths to get here, but in the end, we all decided that DE was the best option. I have a bio son conceived naturally, but after 2 losses TTC #2, we sought the advice of an RE. She actually didn't discourage us from trying IVF with my own eggs (and I have insurance coverage), but DH and I decided that at my age, the odds were just not in our favor and we didn't want to waste any more time or energy. That's what brought us to DE.

Because DE is not covered by my insurance, we needed to be cost-conscious. We went with frozen DE. It is a lot cheaper (even flying to this out-of-state clinic), the success rate at our clinic was the same with frozen vs. fresh, and there was no waiting months and months to be matched. It was all completely done on my schedule. We transferred one "beautiful" 5 day blast, and I am currently 8 weeks pregnant.

It's definitely a lot to take in, but you'll find a wealth of information and options from the ladies here. Lots of luck as you begin this journey!

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