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Advice Regarding Family and Faith (XP)

sschwegesschwege member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+

My MIL is a very religious, spiritual person.  Is always talking about how raising her children in the faith was the most important thing, etc.  Before we started having kids we went to church most Sundays.  It is something I have always enjoyed, and feel centered and at peace there.  After DD was born we weren't quite as consistent, but still went frequently.  Basically DH and I would take turns entertaining DD, so at least one of us could be listening/praying.  Now that DS is here I just feel like when we go to church all we do is color, I BF, etc.  I want to start going more frequently when the kids get older, but right now, I just feel like I'm going through the motions.  We still pray with DD before her nap, bed, before dinner, talk about our faith, but recently we have only been going to church when we are with DH's parents.  

Recently my MIL asked me how often we go to church and I was honest and said, "The last time we went was when you were in town."  Ever since she has been talking to DH about church more than before.  Saying, "Even if you have to take the kids alone, then do that."  "Even if you have to go by yourself, do that."  I'm not the one keeping us from church, if DH said, "Let's go" I would.  We just haven't made it a priority recently.  

Anybody else dealing with pressure from family members regarding religion?  Any nice way of saying, these are our choices, not yours?  TIA   

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Re: Advice Regarding Family and Faith (XP)

  • chardonnay24chardonnay24 member

    We have had many, many arguments with my ILs regarding religion and child rearing. Basically, we are not religious and my ILs are. They are "very hurt and confused" by our life choices and they "feel sad for our son" being raised without religion. We've had to just say, and not very nicely - these are our choices, not yours. They have the right to feel however they want, but we will not put up with constant guilt and passive aggressive attacks regarding how we raise our child.

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  • LadyXaverianLadyXaverian member

    So, I guess your church has no nursery?

    If it is important to you (not MIL, but YOU) then I agree that taking turns going to church with one child (or alone) might be the way to go for now.

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  • stronger509stronger509 member

    My Grandfather is a preacher, so I receive pressure all the time!!  My Mother actually told me this weekend she wanted to start back at church and take DD with her.  I was honest with my Mother about my feelings toward this and she respected my decision, for the time being.

    Unfortunately there will be comments about everything you do as a parent!  So simply stating "these are our choices" may be the way to keep judgements at bay. Maybe explain your reasoning to your MIL for putting a hold on going to church and explain that you are still teaching your children about their faith.

    You are making an effort, try not to let her make you feel guilty........

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  • LisadiLisadi member
     I second most people. Does she understand why you aren't currently going and that there is faith in your house/life? It sounds like she needs to hear the explanation that you made here.  

     Since it sounds like you're interested, but just busy, does your church have sermons on tape? Also, you can pass along to her that in today's world there are many ways for you to receive the message (daily e-mails, websites, stay connected to your church community via Facebook or a website, etc.).  
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  • EDWHIPEDWHIP member
    How close do your ILs live to you?  See if they will bring your children to church.  My sister and her hubby are atheists and get pressure from his folks to go to church.  My sister is open to having her son go and has said "feel free to take him any Sunday you wish!", but then the in laws always back down because it's too much work for them.  
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  • mollie&bryanmollie&bryan member
    If religion is important to you and your family, then in my experience, it's best to get your kids used to church from the very beginning.  My husband is a cop and due to his crazy schedule, I usually have to take the kids to Church by myself.  I have 2 boys.  My oldest was hard, he just wanted to keep moving and climb on the kneelers, and it was very distracting for me.  BUT, it was very important for me to get him used to going to Church.  Now, my boys are 4 and 2 1/2 and they are very well-behaved at Mass, know most of their prayers, and my oldest even sings many of the Mass responsorials.  They're not perfect by any means, and it was a lot of hard work and discipline to get them this far-but I know that I'm fulfilling the obligation that we made when they were baptised and I know that just sucking it up and going has made it possible for me to reach the point where my kids can participate and I can get something out of the Mass!  Truly, it's more of a question of how important (or not) your faith is to you.  Hope this helps, and don't feel judged.  We all do the best we can, but we have to decide what our priorities are for ourselves and our children and we have to decide how much work we are willing to put in to achieve those priorities/goals.  Good luck;)
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  • txbutterflytxbutterfly member
    Personally I think you can have church anywhere. We have hardly gone to church since our kids were born. It seems like one is either sick or napping at that time or something. So we watch church on TV or have a bible study together as a family at home. It's not about religion it's about a relationship with God. We will be more regular about church when the kids get a little older. For now just go with the flow. Guilt is not of God so don't feel bad.
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  • Watergirl21Watergirl21 member
    imagetxbutterfly:
    Personally I think you can have church anywhere. We have hardly gone to church since our kids were born. It seems like one is either sick or napping at that time or something. So we watch church on TV or have a bible study together as a family at home. It's not about religion it's about a relationship with God. We will be more regular about church when the kids get a little older. For now just go with the flow. Guilt is not of God so don't feel bad.

    I agree with this post the lessons can be taught anywhere...
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