6yo and main counselor visit today.. nervous!

Pamelacake · June 2013

6yo SD hasn't seen this particular counselor in about a month due to double booking with the office. SD's other 2 counselors keep in close contact with main counselor though.

I am nervous b/c I really don't like being in the middle of this.. I didn't go to the last session with SD because I told DH I thought he needed to be more involved. Counselor told DH She would rather me be there as well because SD is with me 24/7 as he works and I don't. I did speak with this counselor last week and she wants to start seeing 6yo SD every week instead of one to two times a month.

I am mainly nervous because some things happened over the weekend that don't normally occur... haven't occurred since I have been in the picture.

6yo SD used to play with matches and lighters a lot before I moved in. I deep cleaned SD's room and hadn't had an issue with that until this weekend. SD took a post it note that was laying on the table and set it on fire with a candle that was burning .. she was caught when trying to blow it out and putting it into the trash can at the same time.

6yo SD has a lot of issues with BM from when BM was involved. BM would call both young SD's little bast.rds. but would mainly call 6yo SD names like fat little b!tch and just horrible things. 6yo SD was not allowed to sit on BM's bed or the living room furniture. SD was 4yo at the time. This makes me mad beyond belief that anyone could treat a child, any child let alone her own child this way.

Sorry.. rambling.. I'm mainly nervous to talk to the counselor about the playing with fire incident, I'm not sure if it has something to do with SD seeing BM the last time and then convincing SD that SD was sick so she could send her home or what. BM backed out of her last visit all together. I just don't know what to think. SD has had a few meltdowns since then. I'm a little ticked at DH because he wanted to cancel today and SD needs to see her.

6yo SD has made so much progress and I feel like it's slowly going down the drain in some aspects. I don't treat her any differently than I have since I have been here.. and I think unfortunately that it's the only constancy she has ever known. =(

ETA: Only POSITIVE consistency

Littlejen22 · June 2013

Why are you guys burning candles around a little pyromaniac? And why is she seein 3 counselors instead of having stability? That seems like a bad idea.

Pamelacake · June 2013

Littlejen22:
Why are you guys burning candles around a little pyromaniac? And why is she seein 3 counselors instead of having stability? That seems like a bad idea.

I didn't burn candles at all at first for this reason. She hadn't tried to snatch any lighters or anything so I started burning candles a few months ago with no issues until this incident, so the candles will not be burned anytime soon.

SD sees 3 counselors and they all work together. One comes out to the house and takes her to the park every week.. she sees one every other week and the other isn't as involved but calls to check in on SD often.

SD is a very different little girl. She was pushed to the side most of her life and other SD favored over her. It was obvious to everyone, including SD. She has a very hard time with this.. I don't allow this to happen and put a stop to it as soon as I saw it when I came into the picture but SD still has negative effects because of it. The counselor that comes to the house to take her to the park or someplace close in town or they just play in the yard helps SD a lot with this. It makes her feel special that someone is coming over just to see her. Youngest SD doesn't understand this yet because she isn't used to someone coming over and she not getting all of the attention. That is why SD has 3 counselors, they all know each other, exchange notes and work together as a team.

We actually ended up seeing 2 of them today.

Littlejen22 · June 2013

Just being nosy but are they counselors like pchologist type counselors or does she get therapy like early intervention therapy? I have never heard of a counselor coming to the house before. And don't take that wrong I am not doubting but really being nosey. I am also insanely protective so the idea of letting my child go out with someone alone makes me cringe but that is likely my issue.

And I would not burn candles ever again while she is home. It sounds like this is a real issue so please don't just go a few months to where you think it has past and give her a trust that can burn down your house.

Pamelacake · June 2013

Littlejen22:
Just being nosy but are they counselors like pchologist type counselors or does she get therapy like early intervention therapy? I have never heard of a counselor coming to the house before. And don't take that wrong I am not doubting but really being nosey. I am also insanely protective so the idea of letting my child go out with someone alone makes me cringe but that is likely my issue. And I would not burn candles ever again while she is home. It sounds like this is a real issue so please don't just go a few months to where you think it has past and give her a trust that can burn down your house.

I fully understand about the candle thing. we cannot afford to have our house burned down. we have 6 kids at home. lol. I will not be burning any candles.

Yes the counselors are certified child psychologists. The one that comes to the house works very closely with SD's main counselor. 6yo SD has a lot of issues that I immediately knew I couldn't handle myself. SD first just had the one counselor, now it's like a team. They all 3 work together. 6YO SD has been treated like crap her whole life and had never had anyone outside of her teacher even take the time to read a book to her.

One of SD's favorite movies when I moved in was Matilda and I kind of see why. She felt like that. She didn't teach herself to read or anything like that. Her escape was laying in her bed crying. and no one cared. I did not allow her to do that. I asked her if she wanted to talk about things.. we started reading every night, even just helping her pick out her clothes boosted her self esteem. She started doing better in school.. I bought board games to teach her to play..just anything I could think of while waiting the almost 3 months to get her into therapy. (That's how long it takes where we are). She is a very loving child but she didn't have a voice and no one to speak for her. When she wanted to hug BM, SD was told to go hug herself with profanities and name calling.

This isn't even half of what she has been through.. That's why she has a "team" of counselors. I am also very protective, especially when it comes to SD's. The one that comes to the house I have been talking to on a regular basis for months. At first she would go to school and have lunch with SD but now that school is out she comes to the house. She takes her to the park right down the street.. we live in a very small town. She takes her out of the home at times to let her know that she comes just for her, not 5yo sd bc as mentioned before.. 5yo sd has always been everyone's favorite. It is helping her a lot but there is still much work to do!

Littlejen22 · June 2013

I am really glad you have her in therapy as she obviously has been through a lot in her little life. What as your DH's visitation schedule before you got custody and got her into therapy?

Pamelacake · June 2013

Littlejen22:
I am really glad you have her in therapy as she obviously has been through a lot in her little life. What as your DH's visitation schedule before you got custody and got her into therapy?

DH had physical custody upon separation with BM having supervised visits that was later found out, weren't really supervised. BM only showed for a few of them.

Once the divorce was finalized DH got full, sole, legal and physical custody of both SD's. BM is entitled to EOWE, holiday time, one weekday..PTG of Indiana. BM hardly ever follows through with her PT. We had to start monitoring phone conversations ( counselor's suggestion ) when BM actually did want to talk to the kids b/c BM would promise to be here and wouldn't show. 6yo SD was so upset one time she called BM bc she was supposed to pick them up for t he weekend and BM told her (6yo SD) That she didn't have time for this sh!t, told her to have a good evening and hung up while DH was crying and asking BM why she hated her and all kinds of things. DH's attorney is now petitioning a court hearing to request supervised visits. BM has never cared for the children on her own and when she does get them every once in a while we usually get them back early or something happens. I understand kids can do things or get into things anywhere but she just doesn't watch them. She is one of those "show moms" She wants to appear to be a good mom to impress people.

Back to the main therapy.. DH didn't want to put her in it. His theory was that SD would say something to the counselor to get us into trouble (SD used to tell big, bad stories, but it's easy to tell when she is lying) I told him it was necessary and started pointing things out to him that I would notice. He said he didn't know what to do, all she wanted to do was lay in bed and cry, She had done that all her life. I was super mad and told him that instead of letting her lay in bed and cry... have something to do with her! He felt so horrible that he had overlooked these things and unknowingly treated SD the same way. DH is doing much better with SD but still needs a shove every now and then.

In DH's defense he worked all of the time.. sometimes he still does, but I don't see how anyone can be content with their child laying in bed and crying all of the time. Everyone in the house was mean to her. SD had no one so I immediately took her under my wing. and the rest of the household.. over time eventually started playing follow the leader (= of course besides the random sibling rivalry.

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