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txbutterfly · June 2013

CandaceLeigh · June 2013

That's not normal.

Sorry you are dealing with this. I think you need to express your needs and how the rejection makes you feel. You may need to involve a third party in the conversation, as well.

XCrissCrossX · June 2013

Doesn't sound normal to me. When he got the physical/ testosterone check, was the purpose of the appointment his low sex drive? If not, I think he needs to make an appointment for that purpose alone and have a discussion about it with his doctor

TiffanyBerry · June 2013

The number of times a year you have sex isn't the issue it's that you are unhappy with it. By those numbers, I am in a sexless marriage, but we are ok with our frequency, and not unhappy about it.

But that doesn't mean you have to happy about it. I HIGHLY encourage working with a therapist who specializes in sex. I went to one for a number of years. DH wasn't really ok with going himself, but did work with me at home on the issues, so he wasn't avoiding the process at all. It has helped us understand and come to a place where we are comfortable. Though I expect we would have sex more often if the logistics worked out, we found ourselves to a place where we were happy about our sex lives.

poebride · June 2013

I agree with PP. I would also fall into the "sexless marriage" category based on that definition, but the difference is that neither of us is bothered by it. Granted, we'd like to do it more often, but our schedules just don't allow for it, and we talk about it enough that we know we're on the same page. It's a different story if you're unhappy about it. I second the therapy suggestion, or at least see if you can find a book that discusses some strategies that he might be comfortable with.

blue33 · June 2013

I have found that as the years go by, sex does lessen in marriage. But in my case, it has been replaced by a deeper level of intimacy. You can still physically connect with your husband with out sex, ie flirting, hugs and kissing, snuggling, etc. As pp said, the issue is your unhappiness with your situation. I think the key is that you feel rejected and ignored by your husband because of his lack of sexual interest. Men sometimes are very hesitant to get medical help and therapy, but I think that might be beneficial for the both of you. There may be something other that lack of testoterone that is causing his lack of desire. For example, a dear friend's husband was having an adverse reaction to a high blood pressure medication which caused fatigue, and he would come home after work and fall asleep for the better part of the evening. I hope that you sit your DH down and tell him how you feel, and that you can work things out. HUGS

boogerbearoriginal · June 2013

I wouldn't worry about having sex any arbitrary number of times in a month. But I do think if either party is unhappy with the amount of sex, that's a problem.

Ditto PPs suggestions that you should seek out counseling to help you/H work out a way for you to both feel satisfied.

Watergirl21 · June 2013

I am in a similar situation dh isn't really into having it very often. Add in 2 kids and we are just out of luck. Although in my situation I know there are circumstances in dh's past that are the primary issue. Although I know that it doesn't really make me feel better women grow up believing that men wanted it all the time and when they don't it hard not to take it personally.

AndreaJS22 · July 2013

I could have written that post myself :-( In college, my hubby(bf then) and I were doing it all the time. Even the first few years of marriage were good. Then about a year before our first LO arrived, our sex life was like non-existent. I also took it as a personal slam that he didn't want to do it with me. He NEVER initiates. We've talked about it as a couple what feels like a million times and he assures me that it isn't me. He usually says that he's tired or "just doesn't think about it." I don't need to be doing it several times a week, but if he initiated even once a week I'd be ecstatic! I also made him go to the doctor and everything checked out fine.

I think my husband as honestly just gotten extremely lazy and forgot about being a couple. WE're 30!! And he acts like he's 50 when he gets home from work. He complains about the last time he was able to read a book. Ha! We have a 2 year old and 1 on the way. Can think of a time I last read a book either.

Soooo frustrating. I obviously don't have any advice but wanted to let you know you're not alone

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